While the vote yesterday in the United Kingdom to leave the European Union is a giant roach fuckball of awful consequences, many still to come, and while it represents a triumph of xenophobia and outright racism over the forces of reason and sanity, a sign of the apocalypse, and a demonstration that the Great Stupiding of the world is fully upon us (more on that next week), hey, we're human, so let's go into the weekend with a teacup half-full attitude.
1. Prime Minister Boris Johnson's hair will make President Donald Trump's epic combover look positively normal.
2. A whole bunch of stiff upper lips are getting some much-needed exercise by quivering in fear and sadness.
3. Two words: Bargain corgis.
4. For Tony Blair alone: The smug satisfaction of knowing you are no longer the worst PM of the modern era.
5. For David Cameron alone: More time to stick your dick in a pig.
6. Pound notes will make good kindling when winter rolls around.
7. Much fewer annoying Spanish tourists in England. They'll all be heading to Scotland and Ireland.
8. Owners of curry houses in Birmingham won't have to worry about more competition coming in.
9. Young people in England now have the best reason to hate the elderly.
10. Good chance that, 28 days later, the country will be decimated by crazed zombies with a rage virus. So we get to see how that goes.
11. Maybe, just maybe, voters in the United States will think, "Huh. Voting for the crazy side might not be as fun as it sounds."