In Brief: A Few Things You're Thinking (in Convenient List Form)

1. How much you wanna bet that there are members of the Secret Service who want Barack Obama dead?

2. Khorasan Group? Yeah, right. Prove it.

3. Any motherfucking politician or pundit who had no problem with Attorney General Alberto Gonzales needs to shut their lying whore mouth about resigning AG Eric Holder. But if you thought Gonzales was a cockknob, then, fine, have at Eric "Prosecute a Banker? Me?" Holder.

4. Yeah, well, shit, Bridgegate probably was something but those creepy Christie cronies made sure they protected their boss like he was a Sicilian godfather in the wrong pasta joint. So fuck us all for being hopeful that it would do the governor in.
4a. Don't fret, though. There's a ton of other shit that'll sink Christie before his sausage-greased fingers ever touch the presidency.

5. This sense of a forced march to the Hillary Clinton nomination is what Republicans must have felt in 2008 when it was McCain's "turn." (Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up. We'll all vote for her.)

6. When Ebola is gonna make us all shit out our organs, why should we worry about ISIS?

7. It's impossible to get rid of that sinking feeling that we've created an untenable, almost wholly unregulated capitalist system that is going to collapse on itself if it doesn't end up killing us through poison, climate change, or sleeping semi-drivers.

8. It's like playing a game of 3-card monte with the Devil in Hell. You know you're gonna lose, but what the fuck else is there to do?