Note to Iraq War Supporters: Eat Shit and Then We Can Talk About ISIS

You know, every now and then, the Rude Pundit thinks, "Hmm. There's a chance these Islamic State goatfuckers are genuinely worth attacking." He knows, he knows, Christ, he knows that we are being played by our leaders. We always are, to an extent. But if the Axis of Oil (Saudi Arabia, UAE, Qatar, Bahrain, and Jordan) is sufficiently spooked to actually stop abusing women and outsiders for a few minutes to "join" with the United States to attack ISIS and this other group - Khorasan? The fuck? - then maybe this is real.

That's every now and then because it's easy to fall into the propaganda rabbit hole. It takes a fuck of a lot of effort to keep your skepticism when everything around you screams, "Armageddon, motherfucker, armageddon all over your face." It's especially hard to think about jumping on the "Bomb the hell out of them" train when so many of the people who are telling us to hurry up before the caboose passes are the same mud-coated piglets who lied to us or were conduits for the lies that got us into the Iraq clusterfuck in the first place, which, as we know, is one of the reasons we're waist deep in the big dusty again.

(By the way, the fact that the Rude Pundit never believed for one second that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and knew that Saddam Hussein was the grenade pin of his country makes him take seriously these queasy little doubts creeping into his brain about ISIS.)

So here's what needs to happen if any of us are to believe, not just mildly suspect, that ISIS is actually worth more blood, more destruction, more fucked-up soldiers, more money.

Each Iraq "war" supporter who now believes that ISIS is a threat to the United States has to sit down at a very nicely-decorated table, like with flowers and a tablecloth and napkins folded like birds and silver silverware and crystal wine glasses, all Martha Stewarted out, like with a fuckin' centerpiece, even. And someone dressed in a Marine uniform has to come out with a covered plate, one with a shiny dome on top that reads, "Iraq War," place it before, for example, John McCain and Lindsey Graham, some gung-ho motherfuckers with a constant battle boner, and expertly whip off the dome to reveal a giant plate of shit. Then John McCain and Lindsey Graham have to eat that plate of shit, all of it. When they finish, when they can look at one of the TV cameras they are so exhibitionistically fond of, faces covered in shit smears, and say, "Okay. We've eaten our plate of Iraq War shit. Now can we talk about ISIS?" Then and only then, yes, they are allowed to speak about action against the Islamic State.

That's the way it's gotta be, across the board. You supported the Iraq "war"? You want to get all bloodthirsty about this one? Eat the plate of shit. Gobble it down, assholes. You earned each and every turd in there.

The Rude Pundit still ain't gonna give this new war the high, hard love hug right now, maybe not ever. Not when all of a sudden there's this al-Qaeda splinter, Khorasan, which makes it seem like the attack on ISIS was just an excuse to go after this super-secret supervillain society. Not when the White House estimates only 20-30 Americans might be fighting in Syria, not necessarily for ISIS. Not when this looks like the start of another endless war. Not when we were supposed to have moved beyond all of this, finally.

It's gotta be frustrating for President Obama. Here he is, one of the only politicians who doesn't have a steaming heap of shit waiting for him to spoon up. He's the clean one among the shit-eaters, knowing that if the shit-eaters didn't exist, he'd be able to say, with clear conscience, "Look, these are evil fuckers who have to be stopped." But most of the country needs to pull up to the table before this whole thing will seem legitimate.