Rand Paul: Exhibit A on Why People on 'Ludes Should Not Run for President

Rand Paul: Exhibit A on Why People on 'Ludes Should Not Run for President:
Whenever Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky stares into a camera, he looks either like he is stoned from gills to balls on quaaludes or else he's got a small vibrator set on low shoved up his ass after getting horny watching titty torture porn. When Paul made his great and grand filibuster last year over the CIA's murder drone program, that was one reason that the Rude Pundit couldn't join with other liberals to praise and thank the Republican for drawing attention to the issue.

"Fuck Rand Paul with a polar bear's dick," the Rude Pundit wrote back then. And the same goes for him on his latest thing that like-minded liberals might be tempted to praise: his class action lawsuit against President Obama and the National Security Agency's mass collection of metadata of Americans' communications.

This ain't a case of an imperfect messenger being better than no messenger at all. Christ knows we have enough of those, starting with President Obama. No, this is about Rand Paul, the opportunistic huckster and exploiter of legitimate and illegitimate paranoia. There is little in Paul's approach to governance that demonstrates he's doing anything other than fluffing the expectations of the slobberingly naive libertarians and crazy-as-mongooses-fucking teabaggers. Why? Because a few years in the Senate lines your pockets for the long haul, baby. That's why. All those slobberers and fucking mongooses are gonna worship at the altar of Rand Paul for a good couple of decades. Here's how you'll know this is the real deal: When he announces he's running for president, something he knows he doesn't have a snowflake's chance in hell of winning, and doesn't run for reelection as a Senator.

This little fucker's sharking his followers as surely as any TV preacher, pool hall hustler, or Newt Gingrich.

Need more proof? Son of a bitch (and that bitch is his dad, Ron) stole a chunk of his lawsuit from the lawyer who wrote it up, Bruce Fein. Fein is a loony motherfucker who, at a press conference with Paul in June 2013 announcing the intent to file the lawsuit, compared the Obama administration to Caligula's rule in Ancient Rome, but probably with less hot incest and bestiality.

Paul brought in recent election loser Ken Cuccinelli to file the lawsuit, leaving Fein out of the picture until a date to be named later. But they totally plagiarized Fein's work: "[A] Jan. 15 draft of the complaint written by Fein has long passages that are nearly identical to those in the complaint Cuccinelli filed Wednesday." And they booted Democratic Senator Mark Udall off the list of plaintiffs and added Freedomworks, a Koch-funded bunch of raging assholes. Now, who does that make them more credible with?

Meanwhile, the ACLU is in the midst of appealing its NSA lawsuit, which was dismissed by a district judge in December. But you won't hear much about that since it's not being filed by glory whores aching for greater visibility and future speaking gigs.