Not Giving a Shit About Benghazi:
(Note for stupid people: Nothing said below means that the murder of four people wasn't tragic nor that security at embassies and consulates shouldn't constantly be reviewed and modified. It was and it should be.)

Let's put aside the nutzoid conspiracy theories. Sorry, Beck-ers and Alex Jones-ites, put your dicks back in your pants and save it for wanking another day. What is the scandal here? Because the best the Rude Pundit can come up with is that the President, Hillary Clinton, and Susan Rice might have lied on TV, based on changed CIA talking points, about whether or not a terrorist group or a spontaneous mob of film critics was responsible for the attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya. And that some bad decisions might have been made on whether or not to send four soldiers from Tripoli to help out during siege (no, really, the "stand-down" order was for four Special Ops soldiers). If you push it, you could says that Clinton lied to Congress in her testimony in December about whether or not it was the bad guys or the shitty YouTube flick, but that'd be pretty hard to prove, but, sure, fine, let's. And that's...pretty much it. No, really, and that's reading conservative sources.

The reason the Rude Pundit can't count the number of fucks he doesn't give about Benghazi is because there is not a goddamned thing that anyone has said that could have prevented the attack from happening (other than the hindsight observation that security in Benghazi should have been beefed up. Yep, and having flying monkeys drop grenades would have been cool, too). And the only possible scandal is that, after the fact, some people said some shit that might not be true. That's it. That's all there is. So, please understand, House GOP members and noted panty-wearer Lindsey Graham, we don't care about Benghazi, no matter how much you want us to. You can bring out every self-aggrandizing State Department employee you want, but, sorry, you have not been able to fluff the flaccid prick of this into a proud, erect Libyagate.

Oh, sure, the truth-seeking and accountability-demanding House Oversight Committee Chair Darrell Issa can hold hearings and release press releases of doom on Benghazi, but even he secretly knows that nothing is happening. In his statement on yesterday's hearing, he gives that away. Yeah, he says that he will keep doggedly sniffing this anus, but one of the purposes of the hearing was to allow supposedly silenced whistleblowers a chance to toot away. Look at what Issa says: "This Committee will stand behind these whistleblowers and will act swiftly if they face further retaliation or intimidation after speaking to us about what they know about Benghazi." You get that? It's subtle. Issa's not saying that he'll do anything about any "retaliation or intimidation" that's happened - and, if it had, that'd be a scandal - no, he's just wagging his finger and saying, "And don't you let me catch you being mean to Gregory."

Tell you what, though, sweet Republicans doing the bidding of your SuperPAC masters: Let's make a trade. We'll agree that, sure, why not, Obama, Rice, and Clinton lied when they said the anti-Muslim video was the cause of the consulate raid. And you can go ahead and pursue whatever investigations you want. But you have to admit that George W. Bush's administration - Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice (Condi), Powell, all of 'em - lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. You might remember that a thousand times as many Americans died directly because of those lies. Absolutely no one died because Susan Rice possibly misinformed the public on a Sunday talk show.

So that's the deal: Obama's Benghazi "lies" for Bush's Iraq lies. And then let the chips fall where they may with guilt and prosecution. Then we can swap again. Say Fast and Furious for approval of torture. You might think it's mutually assured destruction, but, dear, dumb GOP, like when you overplayed the Bill Clinton blow job perjury charge, you seem to think that possible lies to cover-up fuck-ups are the same as lies that lead directly to thousands of people dying. You seem to think that low-level incompetence is the same as giving the orders to commit war crimes.

But, no, really, continue with the Hillary Clinton bashing, which is all this actually is. It's just so retro-charming at this point. Make sure that no Republicans even thinks about voting for her in 2016. That's a valuable way to spend your time. And if this one doesn't stick, well, the Rude Pundit's pretty sure you'll just move on to a new fake scandal rather than actually governing.