A Letter from the Rude Pundit to Joshua Boston, Gun Owner and Fellow Epistolarian:
"Dear Joshua Boston,
"First, let me compliment you on writing a full-fledged letter to Senator Dianne Feinstein regarding your strong feelings on guns. The epistolary art is one that is fading in this electronically-mediated age. So, indeed, kudos to you, sir, for taking the time and effort to say something you believe using more than 140 characters at a time and mostly good syntax and punctuation.
"Now, that aside, I believe the only response to what you are writing is this: What fucking fantasy land are you living in? Seriously, it's like the NRA fucked Glenn Beck with a dick made of talking points and he shit you out fully formed, crazy, and ready to go, with Rush Limbaugh and Fox 'news' as your molesting uncles, fingering your asshole so that you only say what they fuckin' tell you to say.
"You wrote to Senator Feinstein, who actually just stood up for the right of the government to keep secret the extent of its surveillance programs from even basic scrutiny in the name of 'security,' a clear abrogation of due process guarantees. I'll bet you were fine with that constitutional ass-reaming.
"But no one better touch your guns, right, Joshua? You write, 'I will not register my weapons should this bill be passed, as I do not believe it is the government's right to know what I own.' So I take it that your car and home, if you own them, are completely off the grid, unknown to any government entity? You continue, 'Nor do I think it prudent to tell you what I own so that it may be taken from me by a group of people who enjoy armed protection yet decry me having the same a crime.' Tell you what. If you can prove that you are under the kind of constant threat from constant exposure at public events where you are the focus, like, say, a member of Congress or, you know, the president, you can have armed protection. Oh, and, by the way, if everything in Feinstein's bill passes, which it won't, but even so, if you register your gun, you don't get it taken away. See, the law would do the opposite of what you say it will. No, no, Joshua, don't start the slippery slope of bullshit. Read the proposal, not the propaganda that Sean Hannity earfucked you with.
"Now every pig-blowing asshole on the internet is saluting you for your 'bravery' or some such shit because you regurgitated the vomit that you were fed. You've been summoned to speak to the Doocy on Fox, where you said gun laws would turn us into Nazi Germany. Really? You don't think that sounds totally monkey fuck insane?
"Here's the other problem, though, with your letter, one that the conservative punditocracy and media have pretty much avoided. You say, 'I will not have some woman who proclaims the evil of an inanimate object, yet carries one, tell me I may not have one.' Now, put aside for a moment that Feinstein is a gun owner who witnessed, up close, the results of gun violence against elected officials, and put aside that perhaps those things might give her a bit of perspective that might be worthy of hearing out.
"No, instead, look at what you wrote next: 'I am not your subject. I am the man who keeps you free...I am the man who fought for my country. I am the man who learned.' You see what you did there? You said you won't have 'some woman' tell you to do something because you are 'the man.' I'm not making this up. I'm not overreacting. You fuckin' wrote it.
"That undercurrent of sexism should discredit you completely. Instead, you are now the commoner of the moment, the new Joe the Plumber, ready to be exploited and fluffed by every craven whore in the right-wing media."
"You end your letter by saying, 'I will not be disarmed to suit the fear that has been established by the media and your misinformation campaign against the American public.' Study after study, by people who, well, shit, study these things, disagrees with you and the gun industry and their lobbyists. But you have decided to live your life as a manipulated tool. What the hell, huh? It's easier than thinking for yourself. Enjoy it. If you hurry, maybe you'll get a weekend with Ted Nugent out of it."
(Note: The Rude Pundit did not discuss Boston being an ex-Marine because being a Marine has less to do with anything than how much action Boston might or might not have seen, which the Rude Pundit couldn't find.)