Other Questions for Marco Rubio After His GQ Interview (Based on His Favorite Rap Songs):
Florida Senator Marco Rubio was interviewed by GQ magazine because, at this point in our pointless politics, why the fuck not? Much mock has already been made about Rubio's inability to state that the earth might be older than the bible says it is. "I'm not a scientist, man," Rubio squirms. Yeah, neither is the Rude Pundit, but he's read a goddamn science article or two. "It's one of the great mysteries"? No. It's 4.5 billion years old. But "billions" would have been acceptable in the Saganesque sense.
Of course, the interview was all about 2016, for fuck's sake, and there went Rubio, trying to assure the nutzoid evangelicals that, no, really, all that book learnin' Rubio got at the University of Florida didn't block the ol' time religion (Catholicism, in Rubio's case) from making him call "bullshit" on "science."
The interview itself goes from Rubio's discomfort with reality to his spouting of GOP talking points to defending those who don't think gays should be allowed to marry to calling Jim DeMint his "best friend" besides his wife. No, really. How pathetic do you have to be to say that?
It reaches a nadir, though, when Rubio starts talking about his love of hip-hop, something about which he throws down much knowledge about. That's all fine and dandy. But it left the Rude Pundit with a few questions for the Senator:
1. In one of your favorite rap songs, "Straight Outta Compton" by N.W.A., Eazy-E says, "So what about the bitch who got shot? Fuck her!/ You think I give a damn about a bitch? I ain't a sucker!" Do you believe this is a succinct description of Republican policies towards women?
2. You cite Tupac Shakur's "Killuminati" as another favorite, a song rapped from 2Pac's Makaveli persona. 2Pac flows, "Visions of over-packed prisons, fiends and niggas thug livin/ Pressures and three strikes, I hope they don't test us." How do you square 2Pac's obvious displeasure with prison overcrowding and mandatory sentencing with your own ties to corporations who profit from those very things?
3. The last favorite you list is "Lose Yourself" by Eminem, one of the most popular rap songs ever recorded. Towards the end, Em lays down, "All the pain inside amplified by the/ Fact that I can't get by with my nine to/ Five and I can't provide the right type of/ Life for my family, cause man, these God damn/ Food stamps don't buy diapers." What kinds of programs would you propose so that young men with full-time jobs, like the song's narrator, can have the financial means to support their families?
4. Finally, Senator, you say in GQ, "People forget how dominant Public Enemy became in the mid 80s. No one talks about how transformative they were." Considering all the votes you've cast that directly contradict everything that Public Enemy ever rapped about, why hasn't Chuck D punched you in the balls?