Random Observations on Last Night's "Foreign Policy" Debate:
1. When the Rude Pundit arrived home last night, he parked across the street from his joint, with the bumper a couple of inches past the white line that indicated a driveway for the house. He wasn't happy to leave it like that, but parking sucks around the neighborhood and it was late and the driveway still had plenty of room for the car that was parked there to back out. This morning, he went out to his car and saw a note on his windshield, a full page written with a Sharpie. Preparing to suck up the insults and admit he was wrong, the Rude Pundit grabbed it and read how he had crossed that line. But then it went on: "I work for the state police...I could have your car towed. I have had 15 cars towed just this week." Well, that just makes you a dick, thought the Rude Pundit. It went on like that and also said, "I could not get my car out."

The Rude Pundit looked in the driveway. The car was gone. In fact, the gate to the driveway was open wide. Factually, through the power of observation, one could demonstrate that the letter contained at least one lie. Then he thought about it. He had never seen a car towed on his block ever. Surely, 15 in a week would be noticeable. Then he thought some more. He's lived across the street from this guy for about five years. He's never seen anything that would indicate that he's a cop. Besides, surely, in this neighborhood, if one "works" for the police, it probably means one is an informant.

It made no sense. Why bother saying these things in the letter if the main point was that people shouldn't park their cars even a couple of inches across the line that was painted near his driveway? Is that not wrong enough? Why did he have to create some fiction in order for the situation to seem worse and for him to seem tougher?

Then the Rude Pundit glanced at the house and noticed the sign in the window: "Romney/Ryan." Ah, of course. If one has very little to say, then all one can do is make up things that, whether they make sense or not, sound like things that make you a badass.

That's pretty much all one needs to say about Mitt Romney in last night's debate with Barack Obama.

2. Oh, fuck Israel. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck Israel. If you knew nothing about foreign policy, like, shit, most Americans and, obviously, Mitt Romney, you'd think that that Israel's security is the only thing preventing the United States from sinking into the ocean. For the U.S., you know what's more important than Israel? India. You know what didn't get mentioned last night? India. You know what's more important than Israel? Global climate change. You know what didn't get mentioned last night? Global climate change. You know what's more important than Israel? The Mexican drug war. You know what didn't get mentioned last night? Mexico. You know what's more important than Israel? The shit that's been going on in the Eurozone. You know what didn't get mentioned last night? The Eurozone. In fact, the word "Europe" was said just once, in a list of alliances the President asserted are stronger. For the kids, "Europe" is a continent that doesn't contain Israel, but does contain almost all of our strongest allies in the world and probably deserved a shout-out.

(Note: This part could have also started with "Oh, fuck al-Qaeda.")

3. Romney said, in reference to the death of Osama bin Laden and the Obama administration's continued campaign of murder bombs taking out alleged terrorists and anyone who happens to be nearby, "[W]e can't kill our way out of this mess." Then, an hour or so later, he said murder bombs are awesome: "[I] feel the president was right to up the usage of that technology, and believe that we should continue to use it, to continue to go after the people that represent a threat to this nation and to our friends." Then he said again that we can't just be killing. So we should kill, but do more than just kill because certainly the people who want to talk to you and take your aid are the same people who are watching their houses get blown up or showered with shrapnel and gore from your murder bombs. In other words, he agrees with Obama.

3a. He also said, "[I]t's widely reported that drones are being used in drone strikes," which is about as intelligent and cogent as Romney got the entire debate.

3b. Romney never mentioned veterans at all despite his bombastic defense build-up rhetoric.

4. On substance, then, it was a fairly useless debate, as have all the debates. On style, though? If Obama had been as clueless, pandering, and flop-sweaty as Romney, pundits around the country would have said that they're getting ready to cover a Mitt administration. However, since it was the Democrat who won, most will say that Romney didn't do too badly. That's bullshit. Romney lost big time. It was embarrassing at times how little a major party candidate seemed to know or care about the rest of the world. Romney acted like Sarah Palin, a talking point machine who couldn't string together a proposition or thought. He looked like Nixon on meth, sputtering, useless, and, goddamn, so sweaty. He tried to shift to moderate mode again, but this time Obama was ready and he repeatedly called Romney out on it, at times eviscerating Romney. He tried to shift to domestic policy, and Obama went right along with him, kicking his ass every step of the way.

And when Romney wasn't trying to say that Obama was wrong, he was positively feckless. He either agreed completely with Obama or he threw out a word or two that made it sound like he had just looked up, say, Mali on his smart phone. As for any alternative to anything Obama was doing, Romney's sole plan seems to be that he'll be there and not Obama, and somehow, through Mormon magic involving the castrated balls of the eunuchs in the Tabernacle Choir, no doubt, America will seem stronger with a man named Willard in charge.

Call the Rude Pundit wrong, but this seems less like a plan and more like an insane ego trip.

1a. Oh, as for the note? Like the way we should react to Mitt Romney after this final meeting with Obama, the Rude Pundit crumpled it up and tossed it on the guy's lawn, like throwing a fish back into the lake.