This Never Ending Abortion War:
We proud members of the nutzoid conservative Family Research Council's Super-Duper Prayer Team are often called upon to squat and squeeze out a prayer loaf in the most extreme circumstances. The Rude Pundit joined the Super-Duper Prayer Team a few years ago under a nom de rude, and every week he receives an email with his prayicide orders. Generally, it's about gays and abortion. And this week is no exception except that it's exceptionally important.
See, a budget amendment denying federal funding to Planned Parenthood has gotten through the House of Representatives thanks to the combination of zealots, hooligans, and assholes who rule there. It's not that Planned Parenthood uses any federal funds for abortionizing fetuses. No, that's banned. But, you know, if a single red federal cent is used to clean the windows of the clinic, it's pretty much the same thing as stabbing the baby Jesus in his little heart. The problem, though, is the mean, mean Senate with its Democrat majority. And, as the FRC tells us, "But it will require a miracle for the U.S. Senate and President Obama to agree to it!" How to get that miracle? Pray, motherfuckers. What the fuck did you think you were gonna do?
Don't you get it? "Planned Parenthood's activities are an affront to our faith, our understanding of what is right and wrong, the dignity of every human being -- born and unborn, Biblical morality as it applies to human sexuality, our God-given parental rights and the sacred jurisdiction and integrity of every family and its God-given responsibility to protect its young, and much, much more." Fuck, yeah, when it's not spending 3% of its time just killing the shit out of babies, Planned Parenthood's busy smashing titties and swabbing cervixes and preventing or treating God's curse of VD and stopping fetuses from even being conceived, which seems strange, since more pregnancies means they get to kill the shit out of more babies.
So pray we must. Luckily, since we're too stupid to come up with prayers on our own, the SDPT is given the words: "Raise up an army of praying believers through whom You can pull down the spiritual strongholds and end taxpayer subsidies for this death-dealing industry." Do your prayers have the phrase "taxpayer subsidy" in it? No? Then fuck your religion, you goddamn heretic. You probably want women to have "reproductive freedom" and other satanic things. God is weeping, weeping, you fuckers, because women can still "choose" in this country, even if they're raped teenagers.
Yeah, the religious right is doubling down on the abortion bullshit, man. All across the nation, there's some kind of fucktarded competition over which state can come up with the craziest new law, from legalizing the murder of abortion providers to making women have to prove that their miscarriages were not induced (for which Jill Filipovic has the awesomest response).
None of it will pass (although who knows anymore, especially about the Planned Parenthood funding). But the Family Research Council and the abortion mullahs in Congress and state legislatures are going to keep their extremist legions happy by fighting the culture war on the bodies of women.