Suck These Sweaty Balls, Climate Change Deniers:
So, remember back in December and January? You remember that long ago? Remember how fucking cold it was? And all that fucking snow? The Rude Pundit remembers watching one little male dog take a piss, and its dick got stuck to the hydrant. Yeah, it was bad. And, oh, what a mad jig of glee did the anti-science climate change deniers do, contorting their bodies into deformed figures to mock the notion that the earth was warming?
Ah, such warm memories of being gathered by the fire, listening to Neil Cavuto say, "This is our Fox News global warming alert for you. It is freezing across the entire globe."
The Rude Pundit thinks he was snuggled under a down quilt between an Eskimo dude and a woman from Iceland in the passionate afterglow of a morning spent in the throes of a three-way creation of human-generated heat when he heard Steve Doocy of Fox "news" say of the frigid weather, "That global warming thing is really kicking into high gear, isn't it?"
And we heard Rush Limbaugh say, "So all you mankind global warming BS holdouts do us a favor, why don't you go out and shovel everybody's driveway and sidewalks for free and maybe we'll let you in the house for five minutes to tell us all about man-made global warming when you finish and the evil of fossil fuels. Why don't you come in and tell us about the evil of fossil fuels while the snowplow is driving by your house to get your stupid little hybrid out of a drift so that you can head to the Whole Foods commune and pick up your bean sprouts?" Ironically, the Rude Pundit was driving to the A&P to pick up Limbaugh-brand Lard Muffins because he's a goddamned American and won't eat that pussy-ass healthy shit.
Yes, we had some fun back when winter was cold. Of course, since it's called "global warming" and not "New York City warming," one should probably have taken into account the entire world, but, oh, no, that'd be thinking outside one's narrow realm of existence.
Oh, and remember how the so-called Climategate emails seemed to demonstrate the insidious nature of the evil scientists involved in trying to get reductions in carbon emissions? Yeah, fuck those subversive researchers whose goal was to destroy us because we're such douchebags. As Laura Ingraham explained, "It's about money, is it not? In the end it's about reducing America's standard of living, so we can then be in parity with other nations who don't have this standard of living. And people just don't like the fact that Americans have lived pretty well, worked hard, but we live pretty well. You know, we have the Second Amendment. We can buy big cars. We can have big families, and that's what they don't like. I mean, they want that to end." Man, now that's a motherfucking conspiracy.
Of course, now Climategate has been proven to be the fraud that anyone who looked at the emails and saw it as a minor slap-fight and dick-measuring knew it was. Still, the media fellated that story like a champion cocksucker at wet tightie-whities night on Fire Island.
But now? Nary a word. Well, other than Rush Limbaugh, who is at least consistent: "I had moved from Sacramento where routinely in the summertime it's 110 degrees, low humidity. I didn't remember it ever being so hot. I grew up in the Midwest, St. Louis, Kansas City, they get the extremes of all four seasons. It was so hot for six weeks. When it rained it felt like you were in a 110-degree-water shower. It was unusual. I'd never experienced anything like this. So this is not unusual, it's not uncommon."
Anyone who understands even the basics of climate change knows that it's based on measurements taken over an extended period of time and that the sudden rises and plunges in temperatures are taken as part of a whole, although extremes in both directions are more likely as overall temperatures rise; hence it's possible to have blizzards and heat waves. But, still and all, a couple of days of record-breaking temperatures in the cities of the northeast? That's pretty much the definition of "unusual" and "uncommon."