The Gulf Oil Spill: There's Only One Hero We Need:
Of course, you realize this all ends with Godzilla rampaging through New Orleans. Or maybe DC.

Godzilla wouldn't sit still for this nonsense. Atomic fire-breathed motherfucker would have been awakened by the rig exploding, seen all the oil pouring into the ocean, and lost his shit.

Sarah Palin could try to explain to Godzilla that more offshore drilling is needed in order to reduce our dependency on foreign oil. Godzilla would have dropped a motherfucking bus on her before she got to "baby."

Oh, Godzilla, where are you when we need you? You could chow down on Rush Limbaugh and BP CEO Tony Hayward. You could head over to the Capital and fry Lisa Murkowski for blocking a bill to raise the cap on oil company liabilities. You could just wreck the offices of the Minerals Management Service, the federal office that somehow was allowed to function without managing minerals, which, one would think, would be first on their list of services they're supposed to provide. Go ahead, Godzilla. The scientists and researchers they consult would cheer you on, since their warnings were ignored or changed by whoremongering industry suck-ups working there.

And then, once you've fucked up the lives of every worthless stooge involved, Godzilla, once you've destroyed BP refineries and made a real dent in their bottom line, then you can return to the ocean, swim down to the bottom, and wrestle with that gushing pipe. Fuck, it's no more of a fantasy than any other method that's being tried to stop it.

Beware: Godzilla does not like it when you shit in his bed.