George W. Bush: Tan, Rested, Still a Total Dick:
Sometimes in this life you don't know whether you want someone to shut the fuck up or talk themselves blue. For instance, when your ex-husband is trying to tell some hot chick at a bar why he broke up the marriage. That fucker's gonna dig himself a deeper and deeper grave. Only a wave of very human pity would make you wish him to just be quiet, to not reveal things about your intimate moments, but as he describes how he felt stifled in the marriage, how he was looking for other "experiences" with other people, how he makes himself seem more and more like a selfish cockhole, there's just pleasure in experiencing the way he's burying himself alive.

That horrible, dirt-choking death spiral was on display last night in Erie, Pennsylvania, as former President George W. Bush (a phrase that's still worth savoring) spoke to the Manufacturer and Business Association meeting about...well, shit, something or other about how he sees the world. Bush vowed not to criticize President Barack Obama, which would be true if he hadn't criticized President Barack Obama.

Yes, in that squinty, smirky, cuntish way of his, Bush told the crowd, regarding the health care plan debate, "I worry about encouraging the government to replace the private sector when it comes to providing insurance for health care." About Gitmo, he said, "I'll just tell you that there are people at Gitmo that will kill American people at a drop of a hat and I don't believe that -- persuasion isn't going to work. Therapy isn't going to cause terrorists to change their mind." And when asked if Obama's policies were socialistic, Bush hemmed and hawed and said, "We'll see." You see what he did there? He said, "I'm not going to criticize my successor," which makes him seem like a mensch, and then he makes vague policy attacks that mask the criticism. It's lummox magic, the hoodoo of the mildly brain-damaged, like tricking a cat with a feather, and the crowd lapped it up like so very much spilled milk.

Others are already taking apart the fucktardery and general hypocrisy of Bush's speech and Q&A. There were other lines that were head-shake worthy, like the un-self-aware, ""Clearly, there's a level of frustration on the Iranian streets. It looks like it's not a very fair election." Yep, if anyone knows an unfair election when he sees it...

Mostly, though, what should frustrate all of us is that without the threat of prosecution hanging over his sunburnt head (seriously, dude, melanoma much?), we're going to have to deal with his nattering little passive-aggressive swipes. He doesn't have the guts to go full force into debating the policies because that would require knowledge of more than just the executive summaries, or "shit-what-people-told-me." He feels free when he should feel pursued. People paid $1500 a table for this shit. It's like rewarding a fat lion for wiping out an entire herd of gazelle.