The FISA Failure and the Sodomy of the Patriots:
Betsy Ross loved anal. She could not get enough ye olde cocke in her sphincter, especially when she could tickle her pudenda while her buttocks were being reamed. And no one gave her a right round rogering better than Paul Revere. The old horse-riding silversmith would gallop by Betsy's place and the candles in the window would tell all: one if by ass, two if by cunt. Needless to say, unless the sores were acting up, every night was a single flame night at the Ross residence. Hell, Betsy Ross was working on the first flag of the nation while getting sodomized by Paul Revere, and she asked between gulps and yelps what she should use to represent the colonies on the field of blue. "Why, stars, dear Mistress Ross," gasped Revere between thrusts, "for they do remind me of your tight asshole." And stars it was, yes, stars it was.

How do we know about the sexual predilections of two of our more apocryphal figures in the tale of the founding of America? Because the British would open their love notes without any cause or warrant. Why? Because the British could. Indeed, in one Federalist paper or another, James Madison blatantly refers to the Ross/Revere letters as a reason for the Fourth Amendment: "The reasoning is plain and clear: if one man wishes to commune with another man regarding his desire for sodomy, he should be allowed to do so without fear that his private correspondences will be espied upon. This is doubly so should one of those men be a woman. Barring legitimate warrant granted by a court, any man writing of his throbbing need to plunge his John Hancock into a secondary, or, perhaps, a tertiary human hole of pleasure should be guaranteed the knowledge that his desires shall remain between him and his fellow."

If Madison or Benjamin Franklin could, they would bitch slap the Democrats in Congress for legalizing the ability of the President to authorize spying on Americans with no oversight, no cause other than whatever whim the President wants to call an emergency. And to the Republicans who pinched each other's nipples in joy at how the Democrats raised their haunches for easy access, the Rude Pundit hopes you trust the hell out of President Obama.

The Rude Pundit's tired of backwards ass conservative wads of fuck telling him and others on the Left that they are pussies for believing in the Constitution. No, no. See, the right has it completely reversed. It's easy to sit there and say, "You know what? Fuck it. Let those in power do whatever they want under the banner of 'Keeping Us Safe.'" Hell, that flag may as well say, "Tread On Me." We may as well sign that when we pay our bills to the telecoms, who are gettin' a free ride in order to, you know, shut the fuck up about who asked them to violate the law.

The truly complex, difficult position is to say, "No, you sons and daughters of bitches, you don't give up the very things that make us Americans." See, "Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death" isn't a conditional phrase. It ain't "Well, Give Me the Liberties You Think I Oughta Have As Long As It's Balanced With Your Tortured Legalistic Definitions and Limitations On the Constitution, But, Hey, As Long As You Tell Me We're Still Free, It's All Cool, Yo."

Of course, the real disappointment here is Barack Obama and his collapse on all but telecom immunity. It's a bullshit political position, a convenient way of deflecting any snarling McCain attacks, the rhetorical equivalent of driving around in a tank. What Obama is supposed to do in this instance is say, "I'm a tougher motherfucker for standing for the Constitution than for allowing terrorists to dictate how many rights we have."