A Few Observations From Last Night's Big Speech Threefer (with Special Focus on McCain):
- No way, no how, not on this planet, not in this galaxy should Obama have Hillary Clinton on the ticket. That's what Obama needs: a Vice President who believes she should be President, with the added bonus of having Bill Clinton wagging his pussy-ready finger at everyone whenever someone says something mean about his wife. It'd be a big, stupid mistake, akin to a family of lemurs inviting a boa constrictor over for dinner.

- Clinton's speech last night was bullshit. It was a dickish attempt by this bastard to squeeze another moment or two out of a limelight that's burning out. Why doesn't she have the balls to admit defeat? A close defeat, but a defeat nonetheless. When your football team loses by a safety in overtime, they still lost. It's not Hillary time anymore. It's time to be Democrats. (Note: in order to not appear sexist, the Rude Pundit will use only male-based terms when he wishes to be derogatory to Hillary Clinton.)

- John McCain is a wee skeevy slug fucker. Last night, he gave a speech that was deranged, overly self-aggrandizing, and vicious, all while looking not unlike the cute comic book character Hot Stuff, the Little Devil. Giggling at his own "laugh lines" and particularly desperate attacks, showing those corn kernel teeth of his, for most of the speech, one felt as if one was watching an especially prodigious pedophile tell a room full of small children the various ways he was gonna fuck 'em ("Jimmy, I'm only gonna fondle your anus, but, Susie, I'm gonna full-on ram the shit out of you").

McCain began his speech with a lie: "Good evening from the great city of New Orleans." Kenner is a suburb that's got Metairie between it and New Orleans. It'd be like calling someone from Yonkers and saying that you're in New York City. And he was speaking in north Kenner, the whitest area of the town, where David Duke went to speak right after getting out of prison. Indeed, the only reason for choosing to speak in Kenner is that it's where the airport is.

Obviously psychologically damaged by Barack Obama's campaign, McCain couldn't say the word "change" enough. It was like he'd been slapped in the head with a change stick: "This is, indeed, a change election. No matter who wins this election, the direction of this country is going to change dramatically. But, the choice is between the right change and the wrong change." This is the shit that was written, so it wasn't a "senior moment" or a mini-stroke. Somebody told him to repeat the word endlessly, as if it'll somehow take the power out of it.

Then he got his back up about Obama's charge that a McCain presidency would be like Bush's third term. Smiling his gray-toothed smile, McCain nonsensically said, "Why does Senator Obama believe it's so important to repeat that idea over and over again? Because he knows it's very difficult to get Americans to believe something they know is false." Repeat an idea over and over? Like the baby shit green backdrop that said, "A Leader We Can Believe In" (again, in conscious imitation of Obama's slogan) repeatedly in front of which McCain, the mushroom in the pea soup puke, spoke? Dude, part of political rhetoric is repeating shit. It's why in every fuckin' speech McCain says, as he did last night, "I hate war." Say that enough, and maybe even McCain will believe it.

Oh, McCain wanted so much to mock Obama, saying, "I don't seek the presidency on the presumption I'm blessed with such personal greatness that history has anointed me to save my country in its hour of need." McCain's so obsessed that one might imagine that at night he goes home to the bamboo cage in his office and masturbates furiously to photos of the Democrat, screeching, "I just wanna fuck those ears."

The rest of it was widdle Johnny McCain twyin' to show what big, stwong gwown-up he's become since he volunteered to shove himself so far up George W. Bush's ass that he's got a vacation home in the President's large intestine. And, considering nearly every poll of Americans, the simplest damn thing Obama can do is ask, "You wanna get out of Iraq? Vote for me." Because, as the man himself said, "it's very difficult to get Americans to believe something they know is false."

- While McCain derided his opponent's life and experience, Obama went out of his way to praise McCain, to "honor his service." To address this, the Rude Pundit would point you once again to some audio of his.