1/01/2008

End of the Year Haiku, Part Two: Rude Readers Write Poems:
On this first day of 2008, the Rude Pundit awoke, his sheets still damp with sweat, champagne, and MILF juice, wondering if that was his condom stuck on his leg and how much water it'll take to wash the remnants of ecstasy out of his system. Still thinking about how many subjects he didn't even begin to address in his year-end haiku-fest yesterday, like torture and torture tapes, like any of the hideous and mad Republicans running for president, like the degradation of the global climate, like Alberto motherfucking Gonzales, he began to compose lines in his head while making really strong coffee, showering various fluids off him, and drinking the first glass of what would probably be gallons of water. Then the Rude Pundit checked his e-mail, and, lo, a New Year's miracle, dozens of haiku from rude readers, ready and waiting to make January 1 a communal celebration of rudeness looking back on that herpes-scabbed whore of a year, 2007.

Here's a few of the best (with minimal edits):

From Epiphenita:
the year of living less freely
didja see those guys
gang-bang the constitution?
motherfuckers all.

election year sports
we brown folk and queers-
neocons' fav boogeymen-
sick of being used.

From Kenny T:
Double crossed again!
Voted them into power,
then they turned their backs.

From Sefu:
Giddy Subserviance
Kristol and the gang,
certain they're sucked from below,
have lips stained with ass

From Stuart:
Blessed be our soldiers
Who have gone off to die for
Bushes goddamned lie

From BA:
The blood of Iraq
Spilled for a generation
While we play X-box.

From Peter:
Orange and silver
The steady drip of justice
Torture brings freedom

And if you're gonna have one from Peter, you better have two from Paul:
Cheney fucks the corpse
Of waterboarded victim
While Bush beats his meat

New Orleans drowns
In neglect we never see
Halliburton rules

Ahh, rude tips o' the hat to everyone who submitted, even to the people whose work was vaguely retarded or not even close to haiku. Your efforts have helped to slake this godawful thirst. Let us head into what is sure to be a vicious 2008 with a snarl on our faces, our fists clenched, and our boots ready for asses.