Fun in the First Lady's Box:
Goddamn, Laura Bush's box hasn't been this busy since the last time Nolan Ryan pitched a no-hitter. Yep, George came home higher than a Chinese kite in monsoon season and said to Laura, "Lift yer apron there, Library, and lemme lick your little bookworm," going down on his wife for a full two minutes before he finally passed out between her legs. She thought about letting him suffocate. But, according to the White House website, the now-First Lady is gonna have mucho action in her box tonight at the State of the Union speech.

For what else could it be but labial good times with the guest list posted. Noted erection specialist Bob Dole will be there to make sure that everyone who is taking their turn in the First Lady's box is well-medicated. And Laura Bush's box is gonna be the site of one big party. What better way to say thank you or "goddamn, that fuckin' sucks" than to be invited to spend a little time in the First Lady's box.

Kevin Sterne may have been nearly shot to death at Virginia Tech in April 2007, but the lax gun laws George W. Bush supported that allowed a fucking maniac to get armed will be forgiven when Sterne gets a gander at Laura's box. Andrew Kinard may have lost both his legs from an IED in Iraq because he didn't have the right armor for himself or his vehicle while on patrol for God doesn't even know what reasons, but once he's had his turn at the First Lady's box, he will know that America thanks him. Jazz musician Irvin Mayfield may have lost his father and a good chunk of his New Orleans home in Hurricane Katrina, but, oh, when he gets to blow his trumpet in the First Lady's box, the saints will come marchin' in.

Yes, yes, yes, there's plenty of room in Laura Bush's box, room for double-amputees and black men, yes, black men. And let's not forget about women. How can one have a successful guest list to one's box if one is not going to include women, too?

There's black women and Hispanic women, soldier women and housewives. Laura Bush's box is a bipartisan space, for Donna Shalala will get to enjoy it, as will women who have kneeled down to demonstrate how much they deserve to be in the First Lady's box, like Indiana's Tara Kunkel, who wrote to Laura Bush to thank her for talking about cardiovascular health, despite George Bush's lack of commitment to making preventive health care a priority.

Oh, how they will have fun at the First Lady's box, sucking and fucking, and glazing their faces and fingers with First Lady juice from the First Lady's box so that they shine, shine, shine when the Klieg lights hit them, so they can wave to the members of Congress and the nation and say, "Look at me, I'm in the First Lady's box, and it's delicious," while her husband, calling out the people in Laura's box, speaks about themes and ideas and plans that will do in each and every one of those in the First Lady's box, but they will be distracted by the veils and layers and delights of Laura Bush's box so that they won't understand what poison they have been forced to lap up.