What Laura Bush Should Have Said on Larry King Live (Rude Version):
When she was interviewed by the zombie corpse of Larry King, Laura Bush talked about women and heart disease, red dresses, how hard it is to be in the White House, and her views on Iraq, Iran, and more. She was a dolt. Here's what she should have said:
"Larry, I'm so fuckin' stoned right now. Seriously, I'm totally trippin' balls. I watch the TV all the time when my handlers don't drag me out to one luncheon or another so I can hug a Negro who had a heart attack. Or a Chica. Chica, that's a funny fuckin' word. Chica-chica-boom-boom-boom. Boom. That's all I see on the CNN or the NBC or wherever while I'm watchin' TV while rollin' my blunts. My husband makes shit go boom. And when you see shit go boom all the time in Iraq, well, fuck, no wonder people think it's all goin' to hell in a handiwipe over there. 'Cause, see, I was taken to this one luncheon the other day where I met all these military parents whose children died over there and they said to me that they love the President and they know that their kids died so that Iraqi could have democracy and...
"Goddamn, I'm so fuckin' hungry. Pass me those fuckin' Cheetos, Larry.
"What was I sayin'? I was wearing this Donna Karan number when I met those parents. It wasn't too fancy 'cause most of them got their clothes at the JC Penny or the Wal-Mart, and I didn't want them to feel too bad, being that their children were dead. That makes me so sad. I'm gonna do another bong hit. You wanna do one, too, Larry?
"Yeah, Larry, it's hard bein' the President and First Lady. It's a 24/7 job. Jenna and I were sittin' around snortin' coke off the hard cock of her favorite Secret Service agent and she said how it's a shame that she can't go down to Senor Frog's in Cancun anymore with her titties hangin' out 'cause she's gotta act respectable. I told her, 'You think that's bad? The only man in this house I can get to go down on me is Barney 'cause I don't have to worry about him blabbin' to Larry King about it.' Oh, present company excepted, Larry.
"That's right, Larry. The President of the United States won't eat out his wife's pussy. You know Hillary never had that problem. Sure, George did it a few times back in the old days, when he'd come home after gettin' hammered with Karl and that fat fuck'd watch as George gave a few sloppy licks while Karl jacked off 'cause, see, I wouldn't let Karl fuck me. No, George won't do oral. Says my cootchie reminds him of his mother's face. But just between you and me, Larry, I think it's 'cause my cootchie reminds him of his mama's cootchie. It's why he always has to fuck me in the ass. Says my booty is Syria - or my 'Assad' - and then he just reams away.
"Dude, those glasses make you look fucked up.
"I gotta say, though, George can make me laugh. Like after injured soldiers leave from a White House visit, he starts to limp around like he's only got one leg or he'll pull his arm into his shirt so that his sleeve just hangs there and he'll say, 'Look at me, Laura, I'm at Walter Reed.' Or he'll just stand there and drool like he's got a head injury. Actually, he does that one a lot. Sometimes not even after the soldiers visit.
"He understands that the American people aren't with him on this war. And if they hate this one, oh, shit, they're gonna freak after we start blowin' shit up in Iran.
"Fuck, did I just say that? Well, shit goes boom. Chica-chica-boom.
"Did you know there's gonna be a George W. Bush library? That's really fuckin' funny. I should know, you know.
"Damn, I'm hungry. Pass me that beef jerky."