What a Desperate Nation Wants To Know . . .:
Last Friday, the Rude Pundit offered this as his debate question for George W. Bush: "Mr. President, do you believe Jews, Muslims, and others who die without accepting Jesus Christ as their savior will be allowed into Heaven?" Then the Rude Pundit asked for you to send your debate questions. And who'd have thought how desperate the electorate was to find out something, anything, from their fearless leader? What the large amount of e-mail says is that a significant part of the American population, which Bush seems to have forgotten he also "leads," simply cannot abide by an administration that hides the truth like Jeffrey Dahmer hid the half-eaten body parts in the fridge. Inundated with far, far too many suggestions to publish here, below are some of the best, most of which are directed at the President.
By far, the most popular question was some variation around the possibility of a post-election draft:
David Chapman asks, "When are you going to re-instate the draft?" while Thomas Beck wants to know of the debators, "Will you categorically promise not to reinstitute a draft?"
Of course, some readers wanted to find out what Jenna and Barbara, hot twins of viscous evil, would do in case of a draft or during the endless war. Sandra Latiolais writes, "I would like to know why those two patriotic daughters of the patriotic first family aren't serving in the military." Puttin' the spin to the question, Mitch asks of Bush, "Are your daughters excited about joining the military?"
And others wanted to know more, far more, about George Bush's illustrious career in the military and how it affects his current decision-making process. Asks Neil Vincent, "How does it feel to send so many young men and women off to war in Iraq when you used your family's power and influence to avoid going to war in Vietnam?"
The issue of Bush's proclaimed Jesus-lovin' ways provoked these variations on the Rude Pundit's question:
Dave Chekouras asks of both candidates, "Are you a Christian first or an American first?" which is a kick-ass, succinct little question. Seamus Ennis poses to the President, "Do you believe that God loves non-Christians with oil reserves more than non-Christians without them?" And David Stabb narrows the field of dead non-Christians to this: "Do you believe that Jewish, Muslim, agnostic and other American soldiers who have not accepted Jesus as their personal savior and that have been killed in Iraq will be allowed into Heaven?" (which is also a variation on something that Ron Reagan, Jr. asked recently).
Along other religious lines, CAG asks, "Since you are a man of faith and certainly must find much guidance in the practice of the Ten Commandments, which Commandment do you find the most difficult to obey and which one do you most regret breaking?"
Here's a few short and sweet questions:
From Spencer Erikson: "Why haven't you gone to any of the funerals of the dead soldiers who fought in Iraq?"
From R. Scott Strahan: "Mr. Bush, do you believe, as Sheri Dew espoused at your convention, that supporting same-sex families is the same as supporting Hitler?"
From Sarah: "Would you say that the life of an American is worth more, less, or about the same as the life of an Iraqi?"
From Dick Hoyer (which, strangely enough, sounds like a job at a gay brothel): "I have a brother in Alabama that needs help with a drug clinic. Can you give me the name of one you might know well?"
From Jon: "Mr. Bush, how much does a gallon of gasoline cost today?" (which is a nice throwback to Poppy Bush and his astonishment at supermarket barcode scanners).
From J: "When did Andrew Sullivan stop sucking your cock? And, as a follow-up, sir, have you ever sucked his?" (Important as this follow-up is, the debate commission's rules prohibit the asking of follow-up questions.)
From James: "Are Karl Rove's arms long enough to reach around and jack you off as he fucks you?"
Around the Iraq War, W. Shaman wants to know, "Did you pick a fight on old weakened Saddam, who reminds you of your mother and who could make you look good, because you knew you would be outed as the pussy you are when it comes to standing up to the lethal Osama?" Alan Aimer demands of the President, "Have you misled the country about the level of resistance in Iraq?" while Irina asks an obvious question that the press hasn't been asking at all, but which seems to bear importantly on the rhetoric of the White House: "Can you explain why Americans are safer with Saddam in prison?"
And John King reminds us of the following quote from al-Qaeda, given after the Madrid bombing in March: In the only explicit endorsement of any candidate, the terrorist spokesman said, "Kerry will kill our nation while it sleeps because he and the Democrats have the cunning to embellish blasphemy and present it to the Arab and Muslim nation as civilisation. Because of this we desire you (Bush) to be elected." King asks, "How do you respond to terrorists who have said they want you to win?"
A pair of Poppy Bush-related questions: Bob Goodsell inquires, "Your father said that people who disclose the identities of CIA agents are the most insidious of traitors. One of these traitors has been operating in your administration for over a year now. Why haven't you done anything about it?" and Justy asks, "Does 'Honor they father' mean not letting him speak at the Republican National Convention?"
A pair of Laura-related questions: Spencer says, "Mr. President, your wife is a former librarian. Your mother championed literacy when she was first lady. Given these two facts, it seems logical that you should be quite accomplished in reading and writing. Why then do you rely on all of your aides for information about the outside world? Why don't you read?" and from Tom Street: "President Bush, when you fuck Laura, is it purely for pleasure?"
And, finally, the Rude Pundit's favorite question, Ian asks, simply, eloquently, of the President:
"What is the moral of My Pet Goat?"
There will be more next week, before the next debate, so keep the questions coming to email@example.com.