Final Pre-Convention Advice To John Kerry - Fuck Iraq:
That's right. You heard it. Fuck Iraq. Say it out loud. Feel how it rolls around in your mouth like a well-placed clitoris. Say it again, slowly, "FFuuuck IIIIrrraaaaq." Feels good, huh? Say it loud and fast now, "Fuck Iraq." Fuck it. Fuck it with a big hard vibrating strap-on. We all fucking hate the war. We think it was shitty idea. We fucking hate with bile in our stomachs when Bush or Cheney compare it to World War II. Remember this one fucking fact about World War II: there was a chance we could lose - there was a chance the Nazis would win in Europe. There was never any doubt we'd crush the shit out of Iraq. So fuck George Bush when he talks about Iraq as some great fuckin' victory. There's only one fuckin' thing that matters on Iraq: when are you gonna bring home the troops? Everything else is bullshit. Bush keeps talking about "this man, Zarqawi" like Clinton saying "that woman, Miss Lewinsky," using Zarqawi as a shield against all his bullshit rhetoric and failures as a man, a leader, a speaker, a father, a son, a husband.

So when people keep hammering Kerry with questions about Iraq - would you vote now knowing what we now know which we did kind of know except no one would say what they knew when you were bullied into voting how you voted so that your vote wouldn't be held against you except now it is so stop being such a fucking pussy about it and say one of two things:
1. Go back and read the resolution you voted for. It states as fact things which we know were never fucking established as facts. You did not see the "same intelligence" as the President. You know that. The President and his cabinet decided what intelligence you would see. They saw a whole fuckin' lot more. The Iraq War Resolution states, as fact, that Iraq continues "to possess and develop a significant chemical and biological weapons capability" and that al-Qaeda is "known to be in Iraq." The overly legalistic fact of the matter is that you didn't vote for this war. You voted for a war against an Iraq with WMDs (not programs, not program materials or notes - actual goddamn weapons ready to be fired at the U.S. or given to shady men with swarthy skin color) and an Iraq that was fuckin' around with those responsible for 9/11.

That Iraq is a fantasy Iraq. In fantasy Iraq, Saddam Hussein was sitting around, sucking on a Cuban cigar, giggling madly as he fondled missles loaded with sarin or ebola or the common cold or whatever the fuck. In fantasy Iraq, Osama and Saddam made Chinese fingercuffs out of white women shipped in from Turkey for their horrible pleasures, high fiving each other over the milky white back of the white slave they called "America." Yeah, fantasy Iraq sucked. Real Iraq sucked (and sucks) but in far different ways. Who wouldn't want to bomb the living shit out of fantasy Iraq?

You voted to go to war with fantasy Iraq. Unfortunately, Bush went to war with real Iraq, and he fucking knew what he was saying were facts were, at the very fucking least, not facts in the traditional definition of the word. Or, shorthand version, he just lied.

That's a complicated answer. It's a worthy one. It puts the onus for the war on the President. You can say, "I trusted the President that he would not send troops into harm's way unless the facts were solid." But instead . . .

2. Let's just do the short answer: just fucking say, "No. If I knew Iraq had no ties to al-Qaeda and no WMDs, I would not have authorized sending young American men and women to fight an enemy that did not threaten us. No American soldier should be killed fighting phantoms of the mind of a dry drunk President." (Okay, that last part might make Larry King's overly-Grecianed hair catch on fire, but you get the point.)

Don't be a legislator about this. Don't finesse it. You voted for the war. But, like the majority of the country that supported the war and now despises it, you were another sucker in the Bush tent of freaks and illusions.