The Trump Indictment Is Just Embarrassing (Sorry, MAGA Cretins, Not for What You're Thinking)


Look at this shit. No, not just the boxes of government documents that former President Donald Trump, who is probably already working on bragging that his ass is worth more cigarettes than anyone else's in the federal pen, hoarded like a deranged squirrel anticipating a long winter. No, look at the bathroom and shower in The Mar-a-Lago Club’s Lake Room, which seems to be a sitting or dining area.

Truly, what the fuck is this? This is some trailer park shit right here. Like when you're trying to make your double-wide look palatial (and I can make these jokes because, yeah, I lived in a trailer park in a double-wide when I was a kid and I fucking visited friends whose bathrooms were pimped out like a white trash Louis XIV decorated it). I mean, beyond the fake marble and fake gold fixtures, even beyond the whorehouse chandelier and the chintzy sconce that must have hit Trump in the head every time he got a blumpkin from a lucky bride before he wiped his ass with classified docs, what the hell is that shower curtain? That's Dollar General chic right there. You know the joint is filled with black mold.

Why give a single fumbling fuck about the decor of a Mar-a-Lago shitter? Because it's representative of fucking everything to do with Donald Trump, the man and the president. Mar-a-Lago was, in his telling, the "Winter White House," a place so gorgeous, such a signifier of wealth and power, that it deserved that moniker. But, as with all things Trump, it's just some gold paint on a pile of shit. And that gold paint might fool those inclined to see all shiny things as valuable and important, but everyone else knows it's just shit.

That's fucking embarrassing. In fact, the whole indictment of Trump on 38 counts of document fuckery is embarrassing. 

And dangerous. Trump did, in fact, put the security of the nation at risk. It's beyond doubt that he had documents that related to the defense of the country, the nuclear arsenal, the weaknesses of our defenses and those of our allies and enemies, and so much more. He kept stuff that was so top secret that a president on their own couldn't declassify it. That's reality. That isn't up for discussion. And if you acknowledge that reality (which MAGA freaks and Republican cowards are loath to do), as well as the reality that anyone with the right amount of money could get membership to the club, then you cannot escape the conclusion that the former president at least set up the circumstances where spies for unfriendly countries could read about how to attack the United States. That's scary shit.

But that doesn't in any way hinder how embarrassing the whole affair is because, from what we know now (and, sure, it's definitely possible that a thousand more shoes will drop), it looks like Trump did all this just because he wanted to keep important shit and show off what a big shot he was. Motherfucker waved around documents and talked about how secret they were. It was just another version of dick measuring: "Oh, you own a Picasso? Well, I can tell you how to blow up France. Top that." And he didn't want to give them back because then he wouldn't be that big shot anymore. They were his and fuck you if you wanted them back. 
I mean, honestly, it would be less embarrassing if this whole thing turns out to be espionage because at least there's a fucking purpose beyond feeding the voracious ego of a soulless orange monster with mommy, daddy, and every other relative issues. At least it would mean more than impressing the dead-eyed zombies with botox smiles parading around a cut-rate Xanadu, pretending to worship the moron king who gets off playing DJ, spinning "YMCA" while everyone gorges themselves at the overpriced feed trough. God, this is all so devoid of meaning that the nation should be ashamed that it allowed his election, that it allowed him to roam free for so long, that it didn't rise up and vomit him out like bad, overcooked steak.

For many others, it would be tragic, but tragedy is only for those who were once or who could have been heroes. It would require a genuine fall, but Trump was always this farting, pie-in-his-face clown. This is cringe comedy at its cringiest, and, for fuck's sake, for the good of a country he has driven mad, let this be the thing that puts a stake in the heart of Trump's narcissistic, criminal existence.