Democrats Need to Do What They Will Never Do: Burn the GOP Down

If nothing else, we should thank disgraced former House Speaker and a fatberg clogging up the sewers of the body politic Newt Gingrich for saying what the Republican Party really stands for now. On some fucking Fox "news" show with Maria Bartiromo, who is really just a slightly more sober Jeanine Pirro, Gingrich explained how a Republican-controlled Congress would subpoena everything from the members of the January 6 special committee and concluded, "I think when you have a Republican Congress, this is all going to come crashing down and the wolves will find out that they are now sheep and they are the ones who are...in fact, I think, face a risk of jail for the kind of laws they are breaking." 

That's a warning. That's a shot across the motherfucking bow right there. We know that Republicans are squirting in orgasmic delight over having a years-long investigation into Hunter Biden's laptop or election "fraud" or the "crimes" of Dr. Anthony Fauci, as well as a Standing Committee to Keep Investigating Hillary Clinton Because We're Fucking Maniacs. Jesus, Marjorie Taylor Greene is secretly humping AOC's office doorknob every night in anticipation of dragging her before some committee to answer questions about...fuck, socialism or something. Who the fuck knows. 

The more important point here is that Democrats better fucking understand that Republicans don't talk in hyperbole anymore. They do the shit that sounds absolutely insane. Try to steal an election? Sure. Ban books and words from schools? Fuck, yeah. Let their voters die than promote vaccines? Of course. Jail Democrats? Well, why the fuck not. If someone who has already shit on your porch, wrecked your car, and shot your dog tells you that they're gonna murder your ass next, you believe them.

Democrats should be doing everything possible to burn the fucking GOP to the ground and then vacuuming up the ashes before shooting them into the sun. That means to go on the attack savagely. Scare the shit out of those fickle fucks in places like Virginia where the vote swung from Biden to the Trumpy nutball Youngkin. Portray Republicans as racists and sexists, that they're going to take away abortion rights and ban books and take away same sex marriage and do other shit that makes those suburban assholes feel squeamish. Put Greene and Gaetz and Gosar front and center as the face of the congressional GOP like some kind of three-headed gargoyle of hate and treason. You wanna be on the side of these objectively shitty humans?

Sure, sure, Democrats, you believe in havin an Uplifting Message. You want to Inspire people and get them to love your Big Ideas. But Democrats fucked all that up by overpromising during the 2020 election. You don't go up to some guy in a bar and tell him that you can suck a dick so good that he'll see Jesus and Satan while he's cumming. That sets the expectations too high and if he only sees an archangel, well, you've failed. You should promise a good time, but don't fucking promise the best time. Let him say that after you've done the deed. 

If you'll remember, for a good bit of 2020, we were told (and believed) that the election was going to be a Blue Wave, where Democrats overwhelmed Republicans. And, not without reason, candidates, including Joe Biden, started making big promises that were based on a larger majority in the House and a comfortable majority of three or four seats in the Senate. As the wave seemed more likely, the promises got bigger, including eliminating student loan debt, trillions in expanded domestic programs, and more. Had the wave materialized, much of that would have been a no-brainer. The problem, though, was not anticipating that it might not happen and lowering the promise heat. I know hindsight and all that, but Build Back Better, student loan forgiveness (which still could happen), ending the filibuster, and even more infrastructure spending all failed because they were doomed from the start. Despite the hope and optimism of idiots like me, it wasn't going to happen with a margin so thin in each house of Congress that if you farted through it, only dogs would be able to hear it.

And while we can and should blame Democrats (especially a liar like Joe Manchin), the focus should be on blaming the fucking Republicans. Enough with the worthless "I'm bipartisan and I can work across the aisle" horseshit. Motherfuckers tried it and, except for a brief moment in the Senate on infrastructure, that hand was stabbed every time it reached out. So fuck 'em.

As the midterm elections approach, Democrats need to do, as a party, what they never do. They need to call Republicans the fucking enemy. Not the loyal opposition with whom they can compromise. The fucking enemy. They're trying to destroy democracy. They are the reason the goddamn pandemic is still going as hard as it is. They are why you don't have paid family leave or a higher minimum wage. The message should be simple. Not "We can work together," but "They refuse to do shit you want. They're fucking crazy. If you're not crazy, don't vote for those cockmites." 

It probably won't happen, but if Biden's being real about finally giving up on finding the bipartisan unicorn, then maybe it's a strategy with a chance. Milquetoast appeals to goodness and hope won't work. Fear and rage? That's just the world we live in, and the only way to change it is to use it.

By the way, perhaps the real tell with Gingrich happened before he started talking about jailing Democrats and (to his deranged mind) RINOs. He compared contemporary Democrats to other groups in history. Sure, he went with the expected, the Russian revolutionaries of 1917 because communism, of course. But he also said they are "people who are as fanatic[al] as the revolutionaries in the French Revolution." Now, you can say what you want about the Reign of Terror or the rise of Napoleon. In the long view of history, though, the French Revolution eventually brought about the end of monarchy, reduced the power of the Catholic Church, and expanded rights to ordinary citizens. So if Gingrich is saying the French Revolution was wrong, well, fuck, I guess that explains a lot.