Note to Anti-Maskers: You're Not Revolutionaries. You're Just Assholes.

At one point in the chaotic Louisiana Board of Secondary and Elementary Education meeting in Baton Rouge on Wednesday, a local Christian extremist pastor, Tony Spell, announced as the elected officials tried to start things, "Let’s welcome the board to our meeting today." He was standing on a chair, surrounded by a couple of hundred people there to protest the school mask mandate issued by Governor John Bel Edwards. Despite the requirement, almost none of the gathered flesh lumps wore masks in the tight space. 

Spell, his hair greased back, declared, "King Edwards is the biggest lawbreaker in the state history," an objectively false statement since, you know, the fucking state was pretty much founded by pirates. Hell, even if Edwards were breaking the law, he wouldn't be the biggest lawbreaker who was governor. The ghosts of Huey Long and Edwin Edwards (no relation to John Bel) must have been thinking, "What the fuck? Forget about us already?"

But facts were hard to come by in the meeting room, as they are in all these school board and other meetings where whiny assholes wail about their children's loss of freedom and order is barely or not maintained and no one has the fucking guts to say to the cops there, "Arrest these dumb pricks. They're too stupid to walk and breathe at the same time."

After watching and reading about a bunch of the anti-mask uproars, two things are perfectly clear:

1. You don't fucking know how to raise your kids better just because you pooped them out or spewed some jizz into a woman who pooped out your kids.

2. These motherfuckers really do think they're revolutionaries.

Look again at what Skeevy Spell said: "Let's welcome the board to our meeting today." Before that, Spell essentially declared himself as the leader of the whole goddamn thing, saying, with no sense of irony, "We're going to run this meeting by Robert's Rules of Order" and then started calling witnesses. In other words, the group of deranged virus-lovers believed they had taken over the state school board. While the police remained idle, the board members did vote to shitcan the whole meeting.

This kind of scene from the depths of MAGA madness is playing out all over the country. In the Philly suburb of Lansdale, Pennsylvania, the North Penn School Board was deciding on whether or not to have a mask mandate for students, and its meeting last Thursday devolved into a shouting match where one fucking moronic woman actually brought up, "The Nuremburg Code of 1947, U.S. federal law, prohibits forcing or coercing anyone, under any circumstances, to participate in a medical experiment. And the code states: 'the voluntary consent of the human subject is absolutely essential.' In lieu of all of this information, my kids will not be adhering to the mask mandate — which by the way is not a law." The Nuremberg thing is bullshit that's been around for months in the Facebook shit pages of the nutzoid right because it's one of those things that idiots say to sound smart. Of course, the meeting had to be shut down because of the barbaric yowls of the anti-maskers, but the school board did pass the mandate.

And that's because something else is true: the people at these meetings don't represent how actually reasonable most people are. Polls show that over two-thirds of the public support mask mandates in schools. But you know who don't go to meetings where they know that a bunch of screaming fucknuts aren't going to be wearing masks? The people who support mask mandates.

None of these shit-smeared yahoos is the revolutionary they think they are. At best, they're the loudest farting assholes in the right-wing flatulence chorus. You think that's too harsh? Check out these motherfuckers from a school board meeting in Virginia Beach, Virginia. This is how they reacted to speakers who favored masks:

"A woman snorted with laughter as a teen said she was in favor of masks because she worried about people like her dad, who has one lung.

"A man rolled his eyes at an 11-year-old who asked for unity in the face of the virus, suggesting she was just manifesting her mother’s fear: 'Good job, mom,' he said with a snicker.

"The crowd laughed at a board member while she talked about comforting children who have lost a parent to COVID-19."

The board voted in favor of the mask mandate, so suck on that, you cruel jizz stains.

I have long, long ago given up having any sympathy for the belligerently unmasked and/or unvaccinated. I have given up feeling bad when someone who said Covid is a hoax or vaccines are mind control ends up dying from the virus. As I've said, I want them to be vaccinated. I want them to save their own lives. But, you know, you fucked around and you found out. Just stop taking up ICU beds from people who gave a shit or the kids you gave Covid to.

But the anti-mask warriors behave as if the school board meetings are the U.S. Capitol and they all have painted faces and are wearing horns, ready to overthrow the government. It's worse than the Tea Party bullshit back in 2010 because, as stupid as that was, at least it was mostly directed at full-time members of Congress. This shit is just neighbors attacking neighbors. It's less 1776 and more Lord of the Flies.