At the Bright Hearing, Republicans Tell Scientists: You May Have Your Fancy Studies, But We Have Anecdotes

Dr. Rick Bright, who has spent his adult life working to make vaccines to prevent terrible diseases and who desperately tried to get the louche, evil frauds in the Trump administration to do something about the goddamn coronavirus that was about to fuck our shit up and then got fired for his efforts, was the star witness at the hearing of the House Committee on Energy and Commerce's health subcommittee today. And you gotta pity Bright as he faced down the goobers, goons, crackers, and crazies in the Republican Party who either wanted to peddle some batshit ideas about how to treat COVID-19 or prop up the saggy tits of President Trump by discrediting Bright.

The look on Bright's face every time he had to answer GOP questions was one of "Jesus, these delusional fucks are getting people killed."

Honestly, it was like the Republican Party has invested in stock in the company that makes hydroxychloroquine (and, you know, many of its members probably have). They asked repeatedly about the drug that Trump and the entire right-wing media machine touted as the miracle to end the plague. Right out of the gate, GOP Rep. Michael Burgess, who represents the Walmarts and malls of the north Dallas suburbs, and is an honest-to-fuck physician, went all in on hydroxychloroquine: "I’m hearing from a lot of doctors in my state, around the country, who have experience using hydroxychloroquine and chloroquine coupled with as erythromycin and zinc, and they’re reporting significant benefit if it is used early enough in the course and may eliminate the need for hospitalization." He heard some stories. I've had people tell me they saw Bigfoot. They didn't fuckin' see Bigfoot. They saw something and decided it was Bigfoot because they wanted to fuckin' see Bigfoot. That's not how medical research works. Hell, that's not even how genuine Bigfoot research works.

Bright answered, essentially, "Are you fucking serious with this shit?" but much more even-handedly: "I’ve heard those anecdotal stories, as well, and they were not conducted in the context of a randomized, controlled clinical study. It’s very difficult to understand data from those types of observational studies or anecdotal stories." In other words, if you want to state a scientific conclusion, do some fucking science.

When it came to the drug that Trump pimped like "MAGA" means "Make Americans Get Arrhythmia," Burgess's questions were the scientific peak of the GOP's effort to get Bright to admit that hydroxychloroquine is awesome and he just hates the president.

Here's Rep. Morgan Griffith, representing the dumbass part of Virginia, after Bright had explained how COVID can fuck you up and how the drug can fuck you up worse: "You said [with] the hydroxychloroquine that one of the problems was you might have a irregular heartbeat. If you’re worrying about not having a heartbeat at all, you’re not worried about irregular, if you don’t have one at all, am I not correct about that?" No, motherfucker. You're not correct. How does that even make fucking sense? Essentially, Griffith and other hydroxy-humpers think that you should just pump sick people with random drugs and hope something sticks.

On it fucking went.

Rep. Gus Bilirakis of Florida wanted to make sure Bright knew he heard some motherfuckin' badass anecdotes: "I’ve heard from experts, and I’m certainly not an expert in this area, that the drug or the one that we’re talking about in this case, hydroxychloroquine, if it’s used, first of all, timely, because I know I understand there’s a window there. As far as the efficacy of the drug. Have you heard this, that if it’s administered properly, there’s a small window there for the patients as far as risk is concerned?" Yeah, he was saying, brandishing his erect tiny penis, check out this dick.

Bright smacked Bilirakis's hard-on, countering, "We have seen anecdotal, heard of anecdotal data from different positions that they believe they’ve seen benefit or patient improvement from use of this drug in either combination with an antibiotic, azithromycin, or a combination with zinc or vitamin C or other things, but there was never sufficient evidence from a randomized controlled study to show its benefit would actually outweigh the potential risk." Why the fuck does this even need to be said?

Bilirakis sulked away with his tiny, now-flaccid prick and murmured the equivalent of  a tearful "Oh, yeah?" by adding, "It’s my understanding that not my constituent, but a US citizen, a veteran, was cured, again, this is just from what I’ve heard, from the drug and that was a late stage case, but I’ve also heard of early stage cases as well." And I've heard that if you drink rancid goat semen, it'll give you the strength of twenty men. Who wants to try it?

As Democrats had Bright explain just how unprepared the United States was for the pandemic and how the Trump White House refused to listen to those who were waving their hands and screaming, "Fucking do something," the GOP members continued their romance with hydroxy-fuckin'-chloroquine.

Rep. Buddy Carter, who is a pharmacist named Earl from Georgia, pressed Bright on why he first went along with hydroxychloroquine under strict supervision from a doctor but wasn't supportive of people taking it willy-nilly, as if the answer wasn't ludicrously obvious. It was like Carter found some great scandal, to the point where he wouldn't end his questioning, even after his time ran out. Trying to corner Bright, Carter asserted, "So was it because the president was encouraged by the use of this drug that you became discouraged by it?"

Now, Bright could have responded, "You ignorant shitheel, of course I'm not gonna want someone who doesn't know his asshole from his elbow to give medical advice. If Donald Trump told everyone to shoot up heroin to stop coronavirus and I said that was fuckin' dumb, would that be political? Jesus fuck, some things are just not open to everyone's motherfuckin' opinion, Earl. Shove it up your mother's cooter next time you're fuckin' her."

But, alas, he just said, "It had nothing to do with politics sir. I wanted to make sure that Americans were aware of the risk of this drug."

Yes, Republicans asked about other things, insinuating that Bright was a showboater who didn't need to be a whistleblower, that he wasn't up to the job as head of BARDA, which is the Biomedical Advanced Research and Development Authority and which I didn't even know existed until Bright's complaint came up, and other assorted attempts to demean him.

Bright was not the firebrand they were hoping for. Instead, he was a goddamned authority, someone who knows so clearly what the fuck they're talking about that they don't need to yell or preen or pretend. As Bright said, "We need to unleash the voices of the scientists in our public health system in the United States so they can be heard and their guidances need to be listened to, and we need to be able to convey that information to the American public so they have the truth about the real risk and dire consequences of this virus, and they have the truth about the consequences of their actions if they don’t follow those guidances."

Listen to the man. He knows what he's talking about.