Note to Republicans on Impeachment Hearings: C'mon. We All Know What Happened

Jesus, Republicans. It's embarrassing. It's really fucking embarrassing now. Every time one of you appears on some goddamned news network or another, opening your mouth holes to diarrhea out some absurd defense of Donald Trump, it's just embarrassing. As it would be if you went on TV and literally shit out of your mouths. At least then you might get some pity, a kind of "Oh, poor thing, he's sick" or "God, don't let that happen to me." But in the figurative case, it's just fucking pathetic.

See, we all know what happened. We all know that Trump was extorting Ukraine to get them to go along with weird-ass conspiracy theories he's had skullfucked into him by a constant feed of Fox "news" and its devolved stepchild, One American News, talk radio depravity, and whatever hell-creature Stephen Miller is. This involved both military aid to Ukraine, as well as a promised meeting between Trump and Ukrainian President Zelensky. We all know that Rudy Giuliani is just a savage ghoul in it for however much he can line his filthy pockets. And, hell, if he can pretend he has power, too, and might be able to stick it to Hillary? That's just a bonus. In other words, one vile, mentally-imbalanced shitheel enabled another vile, mentally-imbalanced shitheel, and, together with all their lickspittles and whores, they sought to undermine the United States. All that we need to find out now is what levels of evil, greed, stupidity, and treachery are involved. And how much Russia needed to push anyone to do this shit.

I mean, c'mon, look at the opening statement by William Taylor, delivered today to the House Intelligence Committee. The whole thing is Trump and Giuliani attempting to push Ukraine to say that it was investigating the DNC server or the oil company Hunter Biden was getting paid by, Burisma, while Taylor and others were desperately trying to get Trump to knock it the fuck off.  Here's what Taylor said on page 7 about the hold on the $400 million in military aid: "My understanding was that the Secretaries of Defense and State, the CIA Director, and the National Security Advisor sought a joint meeting with the President to convince him to release the hold."

You got that? Everyone who knew anything about Ukraine knew it needed the promised funds. But they couldn't get that meeting because Trump was too busy watching TV, tweeting, and holding his rallies of the damned. No wonder Rick Perry was involved. He was almost the only cabinet member who thought this was a good idea.

Then there's the whole side of this that's fucking nuts, that crazy-ass John Bolton was the comparative voice of reason. Bolton didn't want Trump to talk on the phone to Zelensky because he thought it "would be a disaster." At one point in July, Bolton and the regular foreign policy team butted right up against EU Ambassador and Trump taint sniffer Gordon Sondland and his shadow foreign policy team, confusing the shit out of the Ukrainians they were in talks with: "Bolton...wanted to talk about security, energy, and reform...Sondland...wanted to talk about the connection between a White House meeting and Ukrainian investigations."

How willfully blind do you have to be to think none of this was fucked up? It wasn't about uncovering corruption. There's a shit-ton of corruption involving Ukrainians and other Americans that Trump or anyone never fucking mentioned. And the DNC server? What the hell? What the hell? How is this even a thing anymore?

 On July 20, Sondland told Taylor that "he had recommended that Zelensky use the phrase 'I will leave no stone unturned' with regard to the 'investigations'" when Zelensky spoke to Trump. You know who else uses that phrase? Fucking Trump. And he had done so talking about the citizenship question on the census just nine days earlier in a pissy little appearance after the Supreme Court blocked it. So Sondland knows that Trump's a goddamn child who needs to be made to feel smart and special.

The mania with which Trump demanded Zelensky knuckle under to his lunatic conspiracy theories was brazen. Sondland told Taylor that Trump wanted Zelensky "'in a public box' by making a public statement about ordering such investigations." It got so ludicrous that Zelensky asked a pair of visiting U.S. senators if we were still standing by Ukraine. They told him that he "should not jeopardize that bipartisan support [for Ukraine] by getting drawn into U.S. domestic politics." The poor motherfucker went from making fart jokes on Ukrainian variety shows to having to deal with our lunatic leader.

And the most utterly, most reprehenisble part of this? The idea that if they say there was "no quid pro quo," if Republicans repeat "no quid pro quo" over and over, the idiot hordes will believe there was no quid pro quo when the quid pro quo is all there fucking is.

Goddamn, GOP.  We all know what went on. Aren't you tired of looking like asses and fools? Or has that just been your identity for so long that you figure why bother changing?

(Note: The attempt to smear Bill Taylor as a "radical bureaucrat," as the White House called him, is beyond laughable. The man worked for Reagan and both Bushes, as well as for Democrats. Step the fuck off on this "radical" and "far-left" bullshit.)