It's from last week, but Politico has published the full transcript of President Donald Trump's interview with the Wall Street Journal (motto: "We really want Trump to give us a reacharound"). You might know it as "That time the president talked smack about his attorney general." But, as usual, it's filled with a Willy-Loman-esque mixture of the pathetic, the mad, and the hyperbolic.
For instance, told that the response to his Boy Scouts Jamboree "speech" (if by "speech," you mean, "An uninspiring ramble through tales of liquor and sex and political horseshit") was "mixed," Trump short-circuited: "I’d be the first to admit mixed. I’m a guy that will tell you mixed. There was no mix there. That was a standing ovation from the time I walked out to the time I left, and for five minutes after I had already gone. There was no mix." At that point, if you're from the Journal, you might be tempted to tell him to shut the fuck up and stop repeating the word "mix."
But with Trump, if you're gonna describe something, you tell everyone it's the best, the top, or, in this case, "I got a call from the head of the Boy Scouts saying it was the greatest speech that was ever made to them, and they were very thankful." Motherfucker, in 1969, Neil Armstrong sent a message from fuckin' space. In 1973, fuckin' Bob Hope and Danny Thomas spoke at the Jamboree. In 1989, Steven fuckin' Spielberg talked to the scouts. And you can bet he didn't bring up his rich friends who lost money or his election win. Oh, and Trump never got the call from the Boy Scouts. So either he's lying or some staff member called him up and pretended to be from the BSA to soothe Trump's fragile ego bone.
Speaking of, it is as true as mathematical rule that, if he's talking for more than 2 minutes, Trump will brag about his election victory. Asked about whether or not it will be tough to work with Democrats in Congress on things like infrastructure, Trump said (and this is quoted extensively because it's goddamned madness), "Well, they tried – they tried it with me. She spent hundreds of millions of dollars on negative ads. She didn’t do a positive ad, virtually. And she lost easily, you know, 306 to 223 I think, right – 223, something like that. That’s a lot. And she – they tried it. I mean, honestly, they – the ads were coming at me. Hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of negative ads. And when people went into the voter booth, they didn’t know what she stood for." "She" is Hillary Clinton. And, no, Trump never answered the question because he's too fucking dumb to understand it.
Look at his child-like wonder at the population of other countries: "You know, a lot of people say – they say, well, but the United States is large. And then you call places like Malaysia, Indonesia, and you say, you know, how many people do you have? And it’s pretty amazing how many people they have." I mean, seriously, it's like having Lennie from Of Mice and Men as president. Soon, he'll be crushing bunny heads and saying how "We'll live off the fat of the land!"
But then there's the truly fucked-up stuff, like Trump's solution to unemployment in a region: "I’m going to start explaining to people when you have an area that just isn’t working – like upper New York state, where people are getting very badly hurt – and then you’ll have another area 500 miles away where you can’t – you can’t get people." He is not, as you can see, proposing that these unemployed, broke Americans get any help with moving 500 miles away.
So, to help, he is telling people to just not pay their mortgages anymore. No, really: "You know, a lot of them don’t leave because of their house. Because they say, gee, my house, I thought it was worth 70,000 (dollars) and now it’s worth nothing. It’s OK. Go, cut your losses, right?" He's telling people that they can just walk away from their houses, likely underwater at this point, and they'll be okay. Except, of course, their credit will be destroyed, they won't have a place to live, and the job is probably gonna pay shit wages because 500 miles away is non-union territory. Fuck, does he expect Russian mobsters and oligarchs to bail out everyone like they saved his worthless ass?
(And, by the way, why isn't this remark getting more attention? Banks would be fucked again if thousands more people defaulted on their mortgages. It's dangerously reckless talk.)
In the course of the rest of the interview, Trump shits on Jeff Sessions, who, to be fair, probably normally pays people to do that, says the demonstrably wrong "I make good deals. I don’t make bad deals. I make good deals," claims he has nothing to do with Russia, and really, really wants Hillary Clinton investigated: "[W]e should really look at real crimes, because real crimes are what Hillary did with 33,000 emails, where she deleted them and bleached them after getting a subpoena. Real crimes are what’s happening and what happened with the uranium deal."
It probably doesn't even need to be mentioned that Trump quotes Fox "news" as his source of information multiple times throughout the interview.
The only thing saving us right now is that he's just a dumb lump of shit, incapable of seeing past his own shitty self, surrounded by other lumps of shit who, fortunately, are mostly concerned with trying to get themselves gilded in gold.
P.S. And the fucker cheats at golf and called the White House "a real dump."
