Last Note to Trump Voters: You Are Wrong and You Are Shit and Your Candidate Is Shit

If you want to waste some time in sad bemusement, you can read recent columns by open-hearted progressives and depressed conservatives, desperately trying to convince voters for Republican candidate and human whoopee cushion Donald Trump to change their minds. In the Washington Post, for instance, former Bush speechwriter Michael Gerson begs like a bitch, "In the end, a Trump victory would normalize the belief that the structures of self-government are unequal to the crisis of our time." Over in the New York Times, Thomas Friedman reaches out his friend hand to the Trumpsters: "I understand why many Trump supporters have lost faith in Washington and want to just 'shake things up.'" But, Friedman assures them, Trump's "policies won’t help them. Trump promises to bring their jobs back. But most of their jobs didn’t go to a Mexican. They went to a microchip." It's so kind of them to try to help their fellow Americans make such an important decision.

However, none of these rational editorials rationally laying out how irrational a vote for Trump is even approach understanding the Trump voter. They miss one big goddamn thing: The very things they think should convince sane people to turn against Trump are the very things that Trump voters love about their orange cult leader. You aren't dealing with anyone with reasonable intelligence or the ability to process logic, so stop trying.  Trump voters are shit humans, so obviously they want a shit human for president. And your oh-so-good points about how terrible Trump is are wasted on such shit.

You can show Trump voters articles by every economist under the sun about how Trump's economic policies will bring about another recession, and they'll tell you that your so-called "experts" don't know anything and Trump knows all. That goes for just about any other policy. Of course, Trump will build the wall and have Mexico pay for it. Of course, Trump will knock the hell out of ISIS. Of course, Trump will bring back manufacturing jobs. Of course, Trump will make coal central to the energy policy of the nation. Of course, Trump will round up all undocumented immigrants and send them back to their countries. Of course, we have to figure out "what the hell is going on" with Muslims, who all know what every other Muslim is doing always. And if other countries have a problem with how Trump handles things like NATO or torture, well, fuck them for not also believing in Trump. That's what nukes are for.

For Trump voters, his behavior as a shit human being makes no difference. His "grab them by the pussy" remarks were just friendly "locker room talk" and meaningless, and every single one of those women accusing him of sexual assault are lying about him or exaggerating or wanted it. His Trump University troubles are lies made up by a liberal media that has always been out to get him and should be punished. Those people he didn't pay for things like chandeliers or pianos or whatever for his hotels or country clubs didn't do a good job and didn't deserve full pay. And why the fuck should he have to release his taxes like every other major party candidate since the 1970s? Besides, they're under audit. Didn't you hear what the man said?

And I don't wanna hear how I need to "understand" where Trump voters are coming from. I know where they come from. I know them. I lived in three states that are going to go for Trump. I've got skin in this game.

Earlier this week, one of my oldest, dearest friends posted on Facebook that he had voted. He wouldn't say for whom, but "I'll just say that I hope he wins."

"Please tell me you voted for Gary Johnson. He's a fucking moron, but at least he doesn't have a chance of winning," I said to him when I called him.

"No, of course I voted for Trump," he answered. "Or, as I like to call him, 'Reagan 2.'"

I responded, "Oh, a sequel. So you mean a shitty version of the original where the same things happen, except worse and stupider." Now, what went through my mind at that moment was that Reagan was a national nightmare, a fucking ghoul wearing the skin suit of a kindly grandpa, another shit human who at least did a couple of decent things, like grant amnesty to immigrants and raise taxes to save Social Security, things that Trump has specifically said he wouldn't do.

"Okay, more like Godfather II," my friend said, implying a sequel that was superior to the original.

"Yeah, I could totally see Trump having Fredo killed after faking that he forgave him," I said.

By now, we've all had discussions with relatives, friends, co-workers, Facebook fucknuts, all of whom have told us with the same glazed eyes or barely coherent comment threads that they want Trump to shake things up or some such nonsense, usually followed by how Hillary Clinton is a criminal, and if you try to point out that Clinton has never been charged with anything after all of the investigations of her while Trump has had to pay fines because he broke the law and has more lawsuits coming, they won't care. They won't care about the Russia ties. They won't care about the FBI's fuckery. They won't care. You are a fool to talk to them about it anymore. They are lost in a shit-tide that they want to be a shit-wave that covers the entire nation in shit.

So my final words to them are this: You are wrong. Everything you believe is wrong. It isn't just that it conflicts with my ideology. It's that you are factually, demonstrably wrong, about Hillary Clinton, about Barack Obama, about Donald Trump, and your candidate consistently, flagrantly lies. He is utter shit. The fact that you don't care about this makes you shit. You should be whipped out of the public sphere like vermin-infested dogs until you only occupy the hinterlands and can live in your compounds of shit. The rest of us are done with you.

I am going into this election with my eyes wide open to my candidate's flaws. That makes me more honorable than the lot of you combined. So take your pathetic hatred of everything that has helped America progress and fuck yourself with it.

Adios, motherfuckers. The country is about to tell you to fuck off. And when next Tuesday is over, crawl back to your deplorable lives, eat shit, and disappear.