The George W. Bush Library: A Place to Contemplate One's Existential Worthlessness:
Yessirree, the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Whitewashatorium of Wonders is opening in all its Panglossian glory, forcing us to look backward and think, "Aw, schucks, that dumb shitkicker wannabe was just doing the best his little ol' brain could do. He didn't mean to set the nation on the path to its imminent doom." Truly, it's like creating a library to a gorilla that wasn't quite as gentle or articulate as Koko. Well, look, here's a pile of kitten corpses it petted to death, but, goddamn, wasn't it adorable to watch them together briefly. And at least it could use sign language to say, "Me throw poop now." You might have to duck, but don't say you weren't warned.

Beyond the exhibits (like the chance to see if you are smarter than George W. Bush "Decision Points" computer games), there's the "artifacts," a bunch of objects from the Bush presidency that are supposed to make you nostalgic for the first decade of the 21st century.

Like, hey, look, there's the bicycle from noted cheater Lance Armstrong that Bush rode for more time than he spent in the office, injuring himself multiple times.

There's a statue of a bull sauntering without a care over a pile of shit. Of course, that was in the Oval Office for Bush's entire term.

Seriously, how fucking useless a man do you have to have been for the museum devoted to your eight goddamn years to contain an exhibit of the state dinners from one's time in office. How pathetic and low do you have to be for the place meant to commemorate your accomplishments to have this picture:

That's the dessert tray from the 2008 National Governors Association dinner. Since it was 2008, you can pretty much assume that those are Republican testicles covered in powdered sugar since they were about to have their balls handed to them.

Let's not even get started on the series of photos from the White House t-ball games, which Laura Bush herself mentioned as one of the accomplishments of the administration this morning on NPR (the Rude Pundit swears to you he is not making that up).

And there's a section on the dogs, Barney and Miss Beazley. Hopefully, the museum will feature their stuffed corpses so we can admire their dead-eyed adorableness and think about how Barney now rots in hell. By the way, the Rude Pundit searched the Clinton library website. He did not find a biography of Socks the cat.

The whole thing seems designed not just to cover-up for every horrible thing done to the United States under Bush. Actually, it reflects the essential emptiness of the man who led the country as an incurious figurehead, a meat puppet with Dick Cheney's and Karl Rove's hands up his ass at different times. In recent interviews, you can hear the reporters trying to get Bush to have a scintilla of self-awareness, a moment when he says he regrets something or made a wrong decision. He doesn't, though, because he can't. He can't because he was never secure in anything but his rightness, no matter how much of a failure he was.

Now, though, George W. Bush wants to be forgotten. He has disappeared because he is incapable of doing anything. He bumblefucked his way into history. His library merely represents his non-entity status. And it costs 16 bucks to see it.

Tomorrow: What an honest Bush library would look like.