2/17/2006

Why Ann Coulter Is a Cunt, Final Edition(?):
Recently, cars in the Rude Pundit's neighborhood were papered with flyers from a white supremacist group, protesting the "Jewish control" of the media and President Bush's "policies" toward illegal immigrants, as well as asking the confusing question of why no one cares about a crime when black men rape and murder. The flyers were idiotic, soon to be airplanes and garbage, and one quick glance at the website of the group demonstrated that it was, indeed, a racist, Aryan movement-aligned, sub-KKK bunch of poor white dumbfucks easily manipulated by the one of 'em that had a thought one day.

The Rude Pundit didn't discuss it when it happened, and he won't mention the name of the "organization" (which is a loose term, at best, since this could be a pair of assholes who know how to use office technology) because, simply, why fuckin' bother? Sure, sure, we can make a case to say that, sociologically, this is so interesting, and that, politically, this represents a surfacing of what many on the right actually think. But, really, and c'mon, why give 'em any fuckin' credit? If some nutzoid on the corner wants to scream, "Niggerspickikeniggerspickike," well, he's really got no actual point, does he?

In her latest "column" (if by "column," you mean, "Tourette's-like outbursts of deranged diarrhea emanating from the sphincter of a nicotine-stained conservative meat puppet"), Ann Coulter may as well be that nutzoid on the corner. The blonde dye chemicals and hair straightener must have finally eaten their way to her brain, for Coulter just goes completely Nazi on the Muslim world. "The 'offense to Islam' ruse is merely an excuse for Muslims to revert to their default mode: rioting and setting things on fire," Coulter coughs up like a rancid hairball.

Later she says, "[O]ur motto should be after 9/11: Jihad monkey talks tough; jihad monkey takes the consequences." (It's actually a kinder, gentler variation on her speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference, which was "Raghead talks tough...") And after the pure, unironic racism of the remark, Coulter reverts to the oh-so-coy-jokey-c'mon-we-can-all-say-racist-shit mode she uses, like a seductive toss of her hair or well-timed re-cross of her (disturbingly twig-like) legs: "Sorry, I realize that's offensive. How about 'camel jockey'? What? Now what'd I say? Boy, you tent merchants sure are touchy. Grow up, would you?"

That's the default setting for conservatives: see, they're the grown-ups. Those who would believe that they are racist, despicable wads of fuck whose policies have succeeded in dragging the entire world into a cesspool of violence and hatred are mere children compared to the adult way of viewing the world, which seems to be the very mature and nuanced "We good; they bad; good hate bad; good kill bad; Bush smash."

Coulter's become pathetic. It's been that way for a while. You ever see her in interviews? If the host goes off into a topic that wasn't discussed before airtime (in other words, one she didn't practice for) she looks confused and addled, like she's been hit in the head with a crowbar and is sitting there, bleeding, wondering where the blood is coming from as it cakes in her hair. Coulter's like Jennifer Connelly's character towards the end of Requiem for a Dream. Connelly's fallen drug addict, Marion, desperate for some smack, goes to see a dealer to offer him sex in exchange for dope. The dealer, Big Tim, offers her wine, compliments her looks, gets her to relax, before taking out his dick and saying, "I know it's purty, baby, but I didn't take it out for air." It's sad, but you just shake your head at the fallen, wasted humanity.

Now that Coulter has decided to embrace open racism, she's worthless, just another cocksucker, and why should we even bother paying attention. Sure, she had a prime spot at the CPAC, talking to the frothing crowd, but, really, they'd've been just as happy seeing Coulter and Michelle Malkin goin' ass to ass on a double-headed dildo.