11/23/2017

A Thanksgiving Prayer from the Conquered

A poem from Leonard Peltier's book Prison Writings: My Life Is a Sun Dance:

The Message

Silence, they say, is the voice of complicity.
But silence is impossible.
Silence screams.
Silence is a message,
just as doing nothing is an act.

Let who you are ring out and resonate
in every word and every deed.
Yes, become who you are.
There's no sidestepping your own being
or your own responsibility.

What you do is who you are.
You are your own comeuppance.
You become your own message.

You are the message.

11/22/2017

Little Narcissists Everywhere

Charles Krauthammer said the President "is clearly a narcissist in the non-scientific use of the word. He is so self-involved, you see it from his rise...I think he’s extremely self-involved. He sees himself in very world historical terms, which means A) because he’s an amateur, he doesn’t know very much, and B) because he’s a narcissist, he doesn’t listen."

A writer for the American Thinker (motto: "We don't understand how ironic our name is") said, "This man has been entrusted with the greatest power in the world. He will have that power for the next three years at least. But he may not be able to emotionally tolerate any real limits on his need for self-aggrandizement and power.

Over at FrontPage (motto: "Inside every conservative is a small child who wasn't loved"), David Greenfield wrote that the President "doesn't hate politics. He likes power. He hates compromise. That's not idealism though, it's ego. He wants everything his way. And he can't stand even the slightest challenge. Think of the brat with too much self-esteem who begins to pout if the teacher corrects a mistake and throws a fit when mommy won't buy him the thing he wants right now."

Fox "news" discussed the President's "persistent use of 'I' when giving speeches to sell his administration's agenda," and even began tracking the "I" usage in his speeches.

Ben Shapiro wrote that the President's "desperate need for attention is clearly a psychological condition. He drinks in applause like a washed-up movie star."

It's kind of hilarious now to read these comments about Barack Obama from conservatives, most of whom are either slavering Donald Trump fans (like Greenfield and Fox) or mildly critical but hopeful about Trump (like Shapiro). Only Krauthammer has been consistent in his disparagement of those he perceives as narcissistic (which is itself a narcissistic stance, but now we're getting solipsistic), although he stops short of calling for Trump to be removed from office.

This morning, Trump tweeted out "IT WAS ME" in all caps in reference to...well, really who the fuck cares and why the fuck does it matter? This is narcissism taken to a level that would make Narcissus say, "Whoa, whoa, bring it down a notch, asshole."

But, you know, as laughable as it is now to view Obama as a narcissist, especially after he's said things like he doesn't care if Obamacare is called "Trumpcare" or "Ryancare," as long as people have health insurance, you'll hear an apology from the right when hell freezes over with pigs in the air.

11/21/2017

The GOP War on College


Up there is a photo of the college where I work. It's part of the rows of American flags that lined the sidewalks that go through the center of campus. Every year, a group of student veterans plants the flags in honor of Veterans Day. No one knocks them over. No one steals them. It's an impressive display, actually, in the autumn light, the fallen leaves around them. My school is not conservative. In fact, it's incredibly open to all sorts of ideologies and activities. Military recruiters set up booths in the student center. There have been pro-Palestine and pro-Israel marches. The LGBTQ organization is very active. One bathroom in each building has been designated as non-gender specific. During the election, someone wrote "Vote Trump" in chalk on the sidewalk. No one batted an eye. We just walked over it. In one of my classes last year, I had a student wearing a Black Lives Matter shirt and another student in a MAGA hat. No one asked for a safe space, but, if someone did, we do have those on campus because what's the big fucking deal if we do?

The point here is one I've made before: All the shit you hear about what goes on at colleges and universities is a grotesque exaggeration of the day-to-day life of most campuses. But conservatives have long been beating themselves off about those crazy-ass liberals cruelly opening the minds of their precious, protected, tender children. Oddly, most of those conservatives are college-educated, yet they still managed to turn out to be total assholes, which ought to completely fuck up their point. But that would require logic, and logic, as we have learned time and again, is not one of the tools available in the savage right-wing toolbox.

Now, Republicans are finally putting into action their desire to snuff out the educational dreams of the poor and middle class. The phenomenally destructive tax bill just passed by the House of Representatives contains multiple provisions to dick over college students in order to simply shovel more cash into the gaping maws of the ultra-rich. The House bill would turn tuition waivers for graduate students into income, which would mean that the taxes for poor grad students and law school and medical school students would go up by about 400%. The bill would eliminate the deduction for student loan interest. It would tax the endowments of universities, funds that are used for, you know, education. And it would consolidate some tax credits into a lower, single credit that will directly affect millions of Americans.

Part of this is the desperation that Republicans have for offsetting the ludicrous cost of lowering taxes on the wealthy. But part of it comes from Republican animosity towards higher education. 58% of Republicans in a poll this past summer said that college has a "negative effect" on the country. Which, if you think about it, is pretty fucked up because Republicans are, in large part, responsible for gutting and dumbing down elementary and secondary education and making it so that most decent jobs require a Bachelor's degree. But now that kids are going to college and learning history and other shit that makes them question authority, especially religious and conservative authority, all of a sudden it's bad.

The right can't just say, "We hate universities because they teach kids how to be decent human beings, and it actually sticks for some of them." But conservatives can point to the excesses at a pretty limited number of colleges, like protests against speakers or speech codes or other stuff. Then they can say, "Oh, look at these motherfucking intolerant lefties who get so much from the government."

And if they can fuck the kids over in the name of keeping more people stupid and thus keeping them more Republican, all the better.

11/16/2017

Can Trump Voters Really Overcome Their Desires?

Let us say, and why not, that there is a gay couple, Eric and Don. Eric is a power bottom, crying out during sex that he wants to be fucked harder, using his tight ass on Don, slamming against Don until they both bust a nut so hard that it might blast the paint off the walls. Sure, Don can be a little out there in the things he says and the things he believes, but Eric's totally cool with it because, at the end of the day, Don's doing exactly what Eric wants, and, holy shit, that magic dick.

As time goes by, as the initial gleam of the relationship begins to dim a bit, Eric starts seeing Don a little more clearly. Don's not really holding his end up when it comes to things like paying the bills. He's more likely to just throw his cash after dumb shit like expensive meals or gifts for their friends' pets and then he pleads poverty when the rent's due. And Don's not much for household chores. He leaves a mess in the bathroom and then says that Eric's just too fussy, that it's not that bad. And then there's the fact that Don said he'd take a trip to see Eric's family, but every vacation, Don says he doesn't wanna go.

Sure, even after all this, Don can still get Eric off, and Eric can be just as enthusiastic because, goddamn, that shit feels so good. But, still, at what point is the fucking not enough for Eric? At what point, while Don's going at it and Eric is bouncing on that cock like it's a piston in his engine, does doubt start to creep in? When will he think, between thrusts, that this is all a big lie and that getting off just ain't enough? Or will Eric delude himself into believing that his fire hose orgasms justify putting up with everything else? It is quite the conundrum.

One of the things that is starting to creep into the seeming unending stream of articles and reports about the oh-so-important feelings of Americans who voted for Donald Trump is a sliver of regret. An article in the not-failing-at-all Washington Post today is about Republican women in North Carolina. It seems that at least some of 'em are realizing that Trump might not really be qualified to be president and might actually be a total fuck-up.

Said one woman with the Trump sads, "I can’t imagine how they let him build a country club — let alone be in one. Because adults don’t behave that way. I’ve been surprised that a billionaire would behave the way he has." Another woman offered, "He comes out with these grandiose ideas, and there’s no follow through. It's a lot of talk," which would pretty much be a description of Trump's entire worthless life. Of course, none of those interviewed in the article have said they would vote differently. But it's creeping in, just a little bit, that tinge one gets when one aligns oneself with a failure.

(You can also see it clearly in the hilariously pathetic retweets on the Trump_Regrets Twitter page.)

Obviously, it's a fool's hope that Trump voters would give up the very delusions that got them to vote for him. But one thing about it still being early in Trump's (hopefully abbreviated) term is that the effects of his administration's combination of cruelty, incompetence, and indifference haven't been felt yet. If the tax plan that was passed by the House gets through the Senate and people are unable to afford any health insurance or lose it because of Trump's fuckery and some of 'em start dying, well, maybe before they kick or their relatives or friends kick, they'll realize they've been had. Or maybe when more water systems are poisoned because Trump got rid of rules on dangerous pesticides. Or maybe when Trump fucks up the response to the inevitable next climate disaster, if it's in someplace like Mississippi or South Carolina. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

It's all a big maybe, mostly because his voters love it that he still sticks it to the Democrats and the libtards and the elitists and the New York Times and CNN and all that bullshit. And he still talks about that fuckin' wall that will never get built. That's the kind of shit that gets his supporters off. He's just fucking them in the ass and they're loving it and telling him to do it harder, pushing out all those thoughts about the possibility of nuclear war and the benefits to billionaires while student loans are more expensive and everything else, because he's telling off those ungrateful NFL ni-- gah, they cum so explosively because of it. And then they'll watch Hannity because that's the only reality they can handle.

When they get in the voting booth next year or in 2020, will they think about the ways they've been harmed? Or will they remember how good Trump makes them feel about the things they hate? I want to be optimistic. But I'm weary of being burned by hope.

11/14/2017

Once More Into the Clinton Circle of Hell

The allegations and the actual incidents of sexual assault, rape, child molestation, and harassment that are swirling around men in politics and entertainment are so enraging that I just wanna resign from my sex and start another one called, "Not Them." But, of course, a bunch of abusive motherfuckers would join us and pretend that it's not them when, really, and, c'mon, it's them. And, of course, it's forcing us to look around and think about which scuzzy sons of bitches have gotten away with it. That has led some on the left to go to the place that the right never left: the Clinton Circle of Hell, where no story ever dies, where any assertion about Bill and Hillary Clinton lives on eternally and is pushed to the surface again and again to torment those of us damned to live through this piggish age.

The Weinstein and Cosby and Spacey and Moore and all the other other cases of sexual abuse have led some liberals to ask why we're not having a new reckoning with the fact that President Bill Clinton was accused of many similar acts. The one that comes up most often now is undoubtedly the most horrific: Juanita Broaddrick's claim that, while he was running for governor in Arkansas in 1978, Clinton met her in a hotel room on the pretext of a campaign discussion and raped her. Several notable progressive writers and pundits, in the last few days, have said that Democrats need to come to terms with the idea that what Broaddrick and other women said would be taken as true today.

They wonder if Democrats don't owe it to themselves to be honest about this seemingly jarring hypocrisy (although Democrats have had no problem expelling and turning against liberals recently), even going back to call out Democrats for their response in the 1990s. In the Atlantic, Caitlin Flanagan brings up Gloria Steinem's 1998 New York Times editorial defending Clinton and excoriating the women, declaring it "shameful." Of course, Flanagan doesn't mention the 1999 Times editorial calling on Clinton to publicly answer for Broaddrick's allegations.

I could be dismissive here and just say, "Fer fuck's sake, read the fucking Starr Report. Read the books from the time. Most of the women were demonstrably lying and even Broaddrick had multiple reasons to lie and the FBI said there wasn't anything there and Broaddrick herself swore under oath that it didn't happen. We did this already. We don't need to fucking do this again." But that's not fair because maybe some people do need to do this again or they're doing it for the first time, so let's take that seriously.

You wanna know why Broaddrick and the other allegations didn't lead to the collapse of the Clinton presidency and the whipping of the man into the hinterlands? Because Republicans had been fucking pricks about Clinton from the moment he became the Democratic nominee and by the time we got to Broaddrick, everyone was fucking sick of Republicans screaming about scandals and having hearings and appointing special prosecutors whenever one Clinton or the other farted longer than they liked. The motherfuckers cried, "Wolf!" constantly. And there was never a fuckin' wolf anywhere.

See, nothing happens in a vacuum. Lemme give you a quick jaunt through a couple of decades here. In the 1980s, Republicans still hadn't really gotten over Watergate (or the Vietnam War), but they thought that St. Ronnie Reagan was bringing them back to respectability, or at least a plausible bunch of lies and myths they could pretend was respectability. Then those fuckin' Democrats had to get their panties in a wad because Reagan had broken the law in order to get funding to the Contras in Nicaragua...

Let me pause here to say that I'm not gonna explain every damn thing. Fuckin' Google that shit. Anyways...

That just fucked up the Republicans' world because, c'mon, we can't have one fuckin' GOP president without a scandal? And then George Bush, Sr. gets in after St. Ronnie, and then he has a scandal of his own involving the bank that Contra drug money was laundered through and was protected because the Bush family was involved with the bank (BCCI scandal, kids). Holy fuckballs, and then Bush goes and loses to this hippie hick, Slick Willie, and the Republicans were gonna make that motherfucker suffer.

So, to get revenge on Democrats for fucking up their nice post-Nixon presidencies (and for forcing Clarence Thomas to face Anita Hill), from Day One, Republicans were on the hunt for anything to take those young asshole Clintons down. Thus we got the investigation of Hillary Clinton's law firm records, travel office firings, and a shitty land deal that became the Whitewater "scandal," which was only a "scandal" because it was that investigation that finally found something that Republicans could use against Clinton, lying under oath about getting oral from an intern in the Oval Office.

But that doesn't even get into the women that had been paraded before the public by a growing right-wing media wanting to tear down Clinton. Before the Broaddrick story really surfaced in 1999, we had already been through Gennifer Flowers talking about her affair with Clinton, which led to the Clintons going on television for an excruciating interview about Bill's infidelity. We'd been through Paula Jones accusing Clinton of showing her his dick, a story that fell apart when no one backed up Jones. The brand-new Fox "news" started in 1996 and was ready to push any story about Bill Clinton and sex. Then we got to Monica Lewinsky and the beginnings of the impeachment saga, as well as Kathleen Willey, who was also discredited when other women said under oath that she had had a consensual relationship with Clinton.

Then we finally got the Broaddrick story. But by that time, we'd heard women who were obviously lying but given huge roles by the media. We'd had reports about affairs and congressional investigations and Kenneth Starr and more sex and penis references than anyone wanted to deal with. It's not that no one believed Broaddrick. It's that Republicans were so driven to destroy Bill Clinton that we had every reason not to believe Broaddrick. So we didn't really even get to whether or not it was true (although, again, the Starr Report did deal with it).

So don't get so fuckin' smug about Gloria Steinem or Hillary Clinton. We were all living on a new 24-hour news cycle that was one sex scandal after another. Republicans were punishing the nation for electing Clinton, who, it should be noted, did much good and much bad as president, but one thing all of us should wonder is if he would have gotten Osama bin Laden if the GOP hadn't clogged the works with their pornographic interest in Clinton's cigar sodomy. (Seriously, Google all this stuff if you think I'm lying.)

What do we do now about Broaddrick and Clinton? Personally, I believe we dealt with it, and I'm someone who thought back in the day that Clinton should have resigned when the DNA test came back from the dress semen and that he should have let Al Gore be president.

I do think that Bill Clinton is tarred by all the allegations, from the most outrageous to the most tragic, true or not, and he was impeached. Yes, he gets to live the life of a wealthy man, but his legacy has an asterisk, and a good percentage of the country vilifies him and Hillary.

And we will never, ever leave this Circle of Hell because we will never, ever agree whether or not it's deserved.

11/13/2017

Alabama Gut Check

Hey, Alabama, Rude Pundit here. Listen:

Most of the country thinks you're a bunch of toothless, backwards-ass country hicks and rednecks who would rape any human or animal that crosses your path. It ain't just the elitist coastal states that think that. We thought that in Louisiana. We thought that in Tennessee. We thought that in Indiana. You're all donkey-humping, incest-loving, dumbass, uneducated and proud, KKK robe-wearing, bullshit Christian shitheels who treat women like dirt and non-whites like less than dirt. Yeah, most of the country sees you like that. And the dumb fucks among you will say you don't care what outsiders think. We can all go fuck ourselves, right?

But, see, I happen to know another Alabama. I know the people who give an enormous shit about science in Huntsville, and I'm not just talking about the tech industry and the space industry there. I'm talking about the whole goddamn city where every job relies on the people who understand reason and science and education. I know the large populations of black people in places like Birmingham, Montgomery, and Mobile. And I know that Auburn and 'Bama aren't just there for football. Some serious shit happens at those places.

You are at a crossroads right now with the candidacy of Roy Moore for the U.S. Senate. As of now, Moore is accused of:
-Forcing a 14-year-old girl to fondle his dick through his underwear while he fondled her through hers.
-Trying to force a 16-year-old girl to give him a blow job in his parked car.
-Skeeving on teenage girls so much as a 30something year-old man that a mall in Gadsden, which, c'mon, Alabama, that is pretty much the Alabama-est place in Alabama (except for maybe Dothan),  banned Moore from the place in the early 1980s.

How must it feel to be a rational Alabaman and see all these people defending Moore, strenuously, desperately trying to find a way to contort sexual assault and child molestation to fit a narrative about the culture wars. How awful that must be to watch your fellow state citizens do absolutely stupid shit like the 50 pastors who signed a letter of support for Moore.

If you're on the fence here, goddamn, you have to ask yourself, "Is it worth this to make sure that someone who pisses off the libtards gets into office?" And if your answer is "Hell, yeah, I'd rather a pedophile than a Democrat," well, you're not really even human, let alone American, at that point.

Who am I to tell you what to do, Alabama? I'm just a Northeast liberal, vaguely Jewy, faggier than you like, even though the majority of my life was spent in the South and Midwest. But, you know, that fucks up the narrative you've constructed for anyone who thinks you should stop being so fucking cravenly, obviously, hypocritically dumb.

But you know what growing up in the South taught me? You know what all those trips to Alabama and Mississippi let me know? If there's one thing that you fuckin' hate other than Yankees and Negroes, it's people gettin' all high and mighty about shit. So, c'mere, and listen for a fuckin' second, Jesse and Skeeter, while I talk to you in your degraded, demi-human language.

Roy Moore was a District Attorney when he was trying to deflower young white girls. That motherfucker held that over those girls. He said to Beverly Young Nelson, after he tried to get her to suck his dick, "You're just a child and I am the District Attorney of Etowah County, and if you tell anyone about this, no one will ever believe you." How would you like him talking to your sister like that? What kind of man is that? The kind of man who will use his power to crush the little people, like you. The kind of man who takes advantage of people who can't fight him.

Well, now you can. You can vote against him. You can stand up to someone who is a bully. You can demand he get out of the race. You can vote for the Democrat, Doug Jones, as honorable a man as you'll find in these filthy times. Or you can just stay home.

And don't believe the people who tell you that you can vote for Moore and he'll be expelled from the Senate, which would let your governor appoint someone. Do you trust Congress that much?

It's a gut check, Alabama. You can prove everyone wrong, or you can just keep being fuckin' Alabama, with your shit education system, your shit health care, your shit economy, and your shit government.

Whether you believe in it or not, it's time to evolve, motherfuckers.

11/09/2017

Roy Moore: Another Stupid Fucking Republican

Lemme address this to all the right-wing shitsacks desperately dragging themselves across the broken glass of the allegations of sexual impropriety and assault against Senate nominee and repugnant hate-monster Roy Moore of Alabama to defend him:

How many 14-year-olds does a Republican man have to force to fondle his dick for it to disqualify him from office?

This is a legitimate question in 2017 because Joel Pollack, the bearded worm who is a senior editor at Breitbart (motto: "Democracy dies on our website"), really did say about Moore and the woman who says Moore assaulted her when she was 14, "[A]s far as we know, there's only one relationship that's been alleged that's problematic."

Yes, it is "problematic" that, according to the Washington Post, Moore targeted a 14-year-old girl. It is "problematic" that Moore kissed her without her consent. It is "problematic" that Moore undressed her to her underwear, as he did himself. It is "problematic" that he touched her breasts over her bra and her genitals over her panties. It is "problematic" that he took her hand and used it to grope his cock. All of that is what you might call "problematic" if you're a nauseating ass-licker whose party's hypocrisy and criminality apparently have no limits and whose ideology is so corrupt and bereft of reason and morality that you could actually just call forced sexual contact "problematic" in a way that implies that you're cool with it as long as it's just one victim.

In other words, fuck anyone who is defending Moore here, and you can fuckin' well bet that a whole lot of Alabamans are doing that right now because Moore is a man of Jesus or some such shit because he humped a Ten Commandments monument and hates him the gays, and Democrat Doug Jones, who has been on the side of civil rights and environmental justice, is a sinful liberal nigger-lover who will melt your Confederate monuments and re-crucify Christ.

In fact, one of Moore's defenders brought Jesus into it, of course, because fuckin' Alabama, man. "Take Joseph and Mary. Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus," said Alabama State Auditor Jim Zeigler. Ignoring getting the basic Bible shit wrong (God put that fuckin' Jesus baby in Mary), that's a creepy goddamn take on the birth of Christ. If what you get from the New Testament is that it's totally cool to bone a minor, you're probably reading it wrong.

Of course, both are fine with Moore trying to date a 16-year-old, which, while maybe not technically illegal, is fucking skeevy as all fucking hell.

The other excuses defenders use are equally fucked up. It was a long time ago, some say, blaming the women for not speaking out sooner about something that happened nearly 40 years ago, as if a young girl in Alabama could go up against a district attorney who later became a judge. As if women don't keep the violence done to them quiet for decades out of fear and shame that has been inculcated in them by male-dominated society that told them to be silent.

Right now former Representative Anthony Weiner, a Democrat, is serving time in prison for sexting with a 15 year-old. Democrats didn't blink about abandoning Weiner once his insane tweeting came to light.

Meanwhile, with a few exceptions, Republicans merely are saying "if it's true" Moore should be kicked off the ballot. But Moore, who has come back from more career deaths than John Travolta, is the shit you can't scrape off your shoes.  Motherfucker is already fundraising off the allegations. And if he's elected and seated (and he probably will be), the GOP will have told us that their tax cuts are worth all the pussy-grabbing and dick-fondling and assault and alleged rapes (by Trump). Who cares about women if the Kochs and the Mercers are happy?

If Jesus came back, he'd look at these motherfuckers and say, "Yeah, turned enough cheeks" before kicking their asses.

11/08/2017

Random Observations on the First Good Night in a Long Time

1. You know how when you've gone a while without fucking - and this is all relative to how often you fuck in general, so it could be a month, six months, or, you know, a year- and then you get to fuck again? Now, the first time you fuck after all that time, it's gonna feel good. It's gonna feel amazing, in fact, and you're gonna be grateful for the good graces of your partner. When you cum, if you're not careful, you can fool yourself into thinking that this was the ultimate orgasm. But the truth is that it's a good start for what you hope will be a nice, long period where you're fucking all the time. And you know that the truly metaphysical orgasm awaits those who know they gotta get back in the groove. Yeah, things feel good now. But, holy shit, how your pussy's gonna pop with joy, how your cock's gonna explode, when you get it just right.

So, yeah, last night was a damn good time in the land of the somewhat free and the occasionally brave. Between the complete reaming of the Republican Party in Virginia to the giant "Fuck yeah" approval of a Medicaid expansion in Maine to the rainbow of candidates who beat the shit out of white men, it was a great night for Democrats across the board, the first time in long, long damn time when you could say, "Holy shit, we might make it out of this whole thing alive."

2. In fact, between the transgender candidates and black candidates and gay candidates and women candidates and Sikh candidates and Latino/a candidates and immigrant candidates and the candidates who were some combination of several of those things who won, yesterday was a complete rebuke to the politics of hate that Donald Trump and his savage tribe of pasty dudes (and a few pasty dames) have propagated and that the media said we were damned to for the foreseeable future. It was as if real America finally reared its head and declared, "No, motherfuckers, this ain't a country that is just about what a group of backwards ass, Fox-fucked, opioid-wrecked working class white people want. It's about everyone else."

3. And that's the message Democrats better get on board with: Fuck white people. That doesn't mean white people shouldn't run as Democrats. Hell, Ralph Northam and Phil Murphy did just fine (even if Northam was starting to cave to white people fears towards the end of the race). Listen: The only way to help the white working class is to abandon the white working class when it comes to trying to get votes. The future of the Democratic Party is to appeal to the diversity and inclusiveness that so many of us of all races want to be part of. A whole lot of whites will join in that effort because we know that the only way to get a progressive agenda passed is to get into office on a progressive agenda. And people who love Trump just because he hates non-white people are never going to vote for the Democrats at this point. So fuck 'em. And then get the votes to get 'em the health care and jobs programs they need.

4. There are many, many amazing stories from last night that fuck with the media narrative of the direction of the country. But I love Danica Roem, the transgender woman who won a seat in the Virginia General Assembly against Bob Marshall, a transphobic incumbent Republican. Roem is the lead singer of the band Cab Ride Home, who describe themselves thusly: "Northern Virginia metal band Cab Ride Home represents one thing: partying. We're a five-piece group and all members are committed to ultimately touring full-time. Our sound is drunken thrash metal, our songs are about drinking and our shows are about raging." And their songs celebrate drinking, passing out, and vomiting, as in "And back on the bus he barfed on the seat/All had a laugh, 'There's a story to tell.'/But when he woke up, 'Fuckin' go to hell!'"

For those of us of a certain age, the idea of a hard-rocking, cursing, hard-drinking trans woman winning any election is mind-blowing in the best fuckin' way possible.

And, then, to fuck with you even more, Roem was classier in victory than Donald Trump has ever been on any day of his pathetic, useless life. When she was asked about Marshall last night, Roem replied, "I don’t attack my constituents. Bob is my constituent now." Holy fucking hell.

5. But I'm not nearly that gracious. Last night was a giant fart right in Donald Trump's puckered, ruddy face, with some juicy ones left for Steve Bannon. Trump was his usual shitty self, distancing himself from Ed Gillespie's loss in Virginia, despite the fact that less than 24 hours before he had endorsed the GOP candidate. A large number of Americans, larger than expected, looked at the choices and said, "Fuck him." And Trump and his brand of hate politics inspired that rainbow of candidates to run. "Resistance" is no longer just a nice motto, a concept. It's throbbing in full action, and it's blowing a load all over Trump's presidency.

5a. Republicans have a choice now. Stick with Trump or run away. Admittedly, part of me wants them to cling to Trump like the desperate dogs they are, willing to put up with the whippings as long as he feeds them. Because then they will surely be swept away by the destructive wave that just started to build last night. But part of me is shit-scared about the damage they can do if they take that path. It's still a year until the midterms. How much fuckery will be done before then? So maybe it's best they abandon Trump now. Perhaps get rid of him. As he shits blood tonight, Paul Ryan must be making some calculations about impeachment once the tax cut vote is over.

5b. Next, it's up to you, Alabama. Show us that you're ready to come out of the dark ages. (Note: It likely won't.)

6. "Hello, America," many of us said last night. "It's been a while." And then we took America to bed, fucking together for the first time in the year since America broke up with us. We don't know if America will end up taking us back. But it sure seems like America is thinking about it.

11/07/2017

Trump's Blur of Lies: How Many Falsehoods Can One Man Tell in 24 Hours?

In about a day, President Donald Trump, that prickish Oompa-Loompa who pushes the kids into the chocolate, let loose with such a flurry of lies that it formed a kind of thick fog of bullshit. And by "lies," I mean, "Shit that is demonstrably wrong used to deceive people."

In his press conference with President Moon of South Korea, Trump was asked about the idea of "extreme vetting" for people purchasing guns. Trump seemed to think that Texas mass killer Devin Kelley was an army unto himself. Talking about the man who ended up shooting and wounding Kelley, Trump offered, "If he didn’t have a gun, instead of having 26 dead, you would have had hundreds more dead." Where exactly these hundreds of people would have come from at a church that seated 50 in the middle of nowhere is left unsaid, as is how, exactly, 26 slaughtered people, including a dozen kids, is some kind of victory for the Second Amendment.

Then Trump repeated a talking point that the right cannot let go of, no matter how many times it's debunked: "I mean, you look at the city with the strongest gun laws in our nation, is Chicago, and Chicago is a disaster. It's a total disaster." Putting aside the idea of the President of the United States calling a major American city a "disaster," on a basic comparison level, it's complete bullshit. And as I and many, many others have pointed out, Chicago is right near Indiana, which has some of the weakest gun laws in our nation, and it's pretty fuckin' easy to drive the 40 minutes or so from Gary or Valparaiso to Chicago.

But the blur of unreality continued on Trump's tweeted endorsements of chinless and spineless worm Ed Gillespie for Virginia governor. Trump attacked Democrat Ralph Northam and the current Democratic administration, saying, "Ed W Gillespie will totally turn around the high crime and poor economic performance of VA." (Hmmm. Think Trump is getting used to the term "high crimes"?)

A recent ranking of the safest states in the country when it comes to violent crime and property crime put Virginia at number 6. Sure, Richmond is pretty damn murdery, but if you're talking the whole state, Virginia doesn't have "high crime" by any stretch of an idiot's imagination.

As for the economy, the unemployment rate in Virginia is the 10th lowest in the nation. In June, its economy was ranked 13th in the country by Wallethub, which improves on its 2016 ranking of 15th. In other words, not only is the economy in good shape under a Democratic governor and a Democratic lieutenant governor, Ralph Northam. It's getting better.

And then there's the Trump boogeyman of the moment, the gang MS-13, which is fucking up Central American countries. When Ed Gillespie decided to go full racist, he more or less accused Northam of blowing each and every member of MS-13 as he let them out of prison. Really, all Northam did was supports sanctuary cities, which is pretty much the same thing as giving machetes to gang members. Gillespie and Trump are blowing up the threat of the gang to al-Qaeda-like proportions and pinning it on Northam. Oddly, they don't bring up that the gang was there, perhaps even in larger numbers, back when Republican Bob McDonnell was governor. (Note: Post-racist ad, Northam said he would ban sanctuary cities, so good job, racists.)

Every single one of these lies is calculated to have an effect, whether it's to get Gillespie elected or to please the gun-fellating base. Or, in the case of another lie, about the supposedly high taxes Americans pay, it's meant to pleasure GOP donors and keep the rubes angry at the guvmint.

What we are seeing in this whirlwind of prevarication, this blizzard of bullshit, is the degradation of our notions of truth, of fact, where everything is relative to whoever has the loudest megaphone and whoever gets the most clicks. "Well, this scientist says that climate change is going to fuck us all up," some asshole might tell his asshole wife. "But Swingin' Dick McGee here on Facebook tells me that it's all a hoax and we'll all be fine. Slap me in my face with your dick, McGee, because I believe you."

Lies are easy and simple. Truths are complex and difficult. We'll run to the comfort of the simple even as we barricade ourselves in our homes with our multiple guns, believing that the evil gang members are going to kill our daughters and rape our dogs, ignoring the floods that will wash us away.

11/06/2017

Chekhov's Second Amendment: The Horrible Inevitability of the Gun

A well-worn, possibly apocryphal anecdote about the Russian playwright Anton Chekhov has him giving advice on writing and the use of plot devices. "If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired," Chekhov supposedly said. What's often left off is the last part of that line: "Otherwise don't put it there." The idea is that if you're not going to bother using the gun, it's useless to have it.

While I don't think anyone shoots up a church or a school or a concert or a club or a house or a restaurant or an office or a store just because he (and, let's be honest, it's almost always "he") owns a  semi-automatic, possibly modified, possibly with a bump stock, but if you are thinking of ruining the day for a few dozen, possibly a few hundred, people, and you've had all these guns just sitting there, maybe taken out for target practice, well, if you're not gonna use it, then don't put it there, right?

As we grapple with our new house of horrors in a house of worship, this time in a tiny town, Sutherland Springs, Texas, the usual tedious voices on the right are voicing the usual tedious things. "We don’t need politics right now," said Senator Ted Cruz when asked if we should maybe, perhaps, at least, please, just a little, talk about gun laws. And you'll hear that repeatedly. Doyenne of evil spin and a woman with a raging case of the Trumps, Kellyanne Conway. said that it was "disrespectful" to talk about politics now.

Except it's not too soon for everyone. For instance, today the National Rifle Association put out a call for "urgent action" on an Illinois bill that, the NRA screams, is "extreme." What is this "onerous," "egregious," and "excessive" legislation? A move to license gun dealers. That's the thing that's so urgent that the NRA couldn't put aside politics in honor of the dead. If the anti-gun side is supposed to shut up, then so should the pro-gun.

Except the pro-gun side never thinks it's getting political after a massacre, no matter how many children are torn to shreds by guns. The Texas Attorney General, Ken Paxton, declared that the answer wasn't to do anything to stem the tide of guns themselves. Laws don't work, Paxton said. What will work, he explained, is "arming some of the parishioners or the congregation so that they can respond if something like this, when something like this happens again."

To some, this sounds like great sense - if you have more guns, then there's less of a chance this Devin Kelley monster in body armor could have gotten off all the shots he did from the oversized magazine he was legally able to buy, along with the legally-bought AR-15. And that's frightening, not just because it sounds nonsensical. To some of us, it sounds like surrendering. It sounds like we have decided that the only way to deal with guns is to give up and allow them to infect every part of our society, that instead of making ourselves safe, we make ourselves eternally unsafe, always awaiting the next bullet, always having the gun in the first act that goes off in the next, always prepared with thoughts and prayers instead of action.

Except thoughts and prayers just seem ludicrous when a church is shot up so badly that the pastor doesn't think the actual physical building can ever be repaired. And while the faithful will say that they are being tested, that they find comfort in Jesus, that they know there is a plan, I can't help but wonder if we're not misreading the signs from God. I mean, maybe all the horrific events, the frequent massacres with more than a dozen, two dozen victims, is God telling us that it's time to give up the guns.

What could be a clearer message than God showing us what happens when human-made weapons are used on human bodies? "Oh, shooting high schools wasn't enough? How about shooting little kids? Oh, that's not enough? Then how about shooting up some churches? C'mon, what the hell is wrong with you idiots? Could I be any clearer?" I imagine a frustrated invisible sky wizard yelling at the United States. "Why aren't you politicizing this shit? All that means is 'doing something to solve the problem.' Jesus H. Christ. No, not you, Jesus..."

If it's too early to talk about gun control in the wake of the tragedy in Sutherland Springs, then let's just say we're talking about it post-Las Vegas. Or post-Orlando. Or post-Newtown.  However far back you need to go to feel comfortable -Columbine? Killeen? San Ysidro? - let's say we're talking about it because of that nightmare.

11/03/2017

Goddamnit, Just Knock It Off About 2016 (Updated)

(Updates below)

Let's put this as simply as possible regarding Donna Brazile's "revelations" about the operation of the DNC:

We. Have. More. Important. Shit. To. Do. Than. Constantly. Fighting. About. The. 2016. Democratic. Nominating. Process.

I know some of you immediately wanna say, "I can be angry about more than one thing," as if you're somehow offering a compelling counterargument instead of sounding like a confused child. But you can't do something about everything because there are only so many fucking hours in a fucking day.

I know some of you immediately wanna say, "You don't get to decide what's important." To which I can only answer: Yes. Yes, I do.

I know some of you wanna say, "I guess you don't want to change the Democratic Party," usually followed by a blizzard of words like "rigged" and "fraud" and "stole" and "Grrrr-Hillary" and "Grrr-DWS" (not DSW, which is a discount shoe store), which is really part of a fantasy that Bernie Sanders would have won the election if the eeevil Democratic Party itself hadn't conspired against him. Never mind that Clinton had been working within the Democratic Party for almost her entire adult life (putting aside that youthful Goldwater fling).

I know some of you wanna say that if we don't fight about the future of the DNC now, we'll never win, we'll never get the disaffected Bernie-loving youth back, we'll never get progressive ideas in the platform, we'll never, we'll never, we'll never. And I'll just say, "Fine. Get into the game and change it. But how about waiting until after the fucking midterms, huh? How about getting involved in the local races to make sure the candidate you want wins? How about getting into it on a local level? How about not making everything about the presidency because, as the GOP learned with Trump and the DNC learned with Barack Obama, someone is always gonna come along and fuck your nice plan up?"

If you're already in the trenches, awesome. But the vast majority of people saying this shit aren't. I promise you they aren't.

I know you wanna say this shit because many of you have said this shit to me. And I get it. I totally fucking get it. But the fights that you want to have are the fights you have when you're not facing a fucking existential crisis.

I could toss in a metaphor or two to this argument. "The house is burning down and you want to talk about the color of the drapes" or some such bullshit. At one point, I really thought about doing a whole Game of Thrones thing, since that seems to form the cultural foundation for so many people (seriously, fuck anyone who says, "Bend the knee" and isn't being funny or is actually a character on Game of Thrones). I thought about comparing Trump to the Night King and people who would rather fight the old battles instead of the new ones to Cersei Lannister refusing to join Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen against the frozen zombies, but, then I thought I'd have people throwing all these geeky references at me and citing the books and whatever, and just imagining that gave me a headache.

It's not as fun out here in Left Blogsylvania as it was pre-Twitter. And it's absolutely a waste of fucking time to be arguing this shit when the barbarians aren't at the gate anymore. They are sacking the joint.

By making something out of this genuine nothing, you have given Donald Trump and the GOP and the right-wing media monster enough fuel to last for months. By jumping into the fray on this, by decrying Clinton and DNC, you have allowed the narrative on the corruption of the Trump administration to be watered down. You are giving anyone who was on the fence a reason to cling to Trump.

I have to add to this as I have to add to all things regarding 2016: I voted for Bernie Sanders in the primary. I explained my reasons for doing that. And I had absolutely no trouble shifting to Hillary Clinton once the primaries are over. Because this shit isn't about me and my hurt feelings.

Hillary Clinton didn't rig anything. Even Donna Brazile said that today. She didn't hack the vote during the primaries. She didn't deliberately lose caucuses. What she did do was play politics, a filthy and dishonorable game. What she did do was expect the party that she had raised vast amounts of money for (for state and local races and party groups) to back her over the guy who all of a sudden decided he wanted to play and demanded that he be treated equal to the woman who spent her life working for the party.

You don't like the fuckin' rules? Then go to your local party headquarters. Volunteer. Answer phones. Work your way up the local hierarchy. Show you have more interest in the party than just every four years.

I learned this way back when I was in my early 30s and I decided I wanted to run for Congress against an incumbent Republican. The Democratic Party in my district hadn't put up a decent candidate in a couple of elections, and I thought, "Well, fuck it. I'll try" because I hated our asshole representative, a man by the name of Mike Pence. When I walked into the local Democratic HQ, the old white men there stared at me and asked what I had done as a Democrat. Had I worked on a campaign? Well, Bill Clinton. Had I run for anything? No. Essentially, they told me I hadn't earned their support and, sure, I could try on my own to get on the ballot, but they wouldn't help me. Come back when I had more under my belt.

And that's how you were denied a debate between the future Vice-President and the Rude Pundit. I realized that they were right. I didn't have a war chest or name recognition. They had their own agenda. I hadn't proven myself. (I'm not talking here about Bernie Sanders - I'm talking about those who want to change the DNC.)

Giving the right a way to help sow discord in the Democrats is like giving crack to a weasel. You thought it was bad before? You just wait.

As someone who has never attacked "Bernie Bros" or whatever, as someone who was intensely anti-Hillary in 2008, I say to Democrats, all Democrats, knock it the fuck off. Go back to your states and support your candidates. Get through 2018. Unite behind Democrats who are ready to fight Trump and the GOP.

Or the Night King will turn us all into the army of the dead.

Update 1: This Twitter thread does a great job of following the money to see what exactly Clinton's fundraising prowess did for the DNC.

Update 2: Yeah, the memo that Brazile was talking about contained several statements saying that it was meant only for the General Election, not the primaries. So this whole thing is even stupider and more useless and more of distraction than it was. But, hey, hope you guys enjoy the smell of Hannity's taint because he's gonna be slapping us with his balls more than usual over this bullshit. Great work everyone.

11/01/2017

What Did That Dumb Orange Motherfucker Say Now? (Part 902)

In the official transcripts of the White House, they're not even trying to hide what a gibbering twit President Donald Trump is. And, really, why bother? We all know that he's an inarticulate tamarin, a calico dimwit, and for most of us, that means he's just a cretinous ogre who should be in a field, devouring wayward goats, and not beshitting the Oval Office. For others, his moronic drivel is a feature, not a flaw; his third-grade vocabulary makes him like them. So, fuck it, just put it out there. Judgment has been rendered.

Still, this is pretty fucking dumb. Talking about the Uzebek immigrant who legally came to the United States a decade ago (during a Republican administration, it should be noted, and post-9/11), Trump gurgled, "I am today starting the process of terminating the diversary lottery program. I'm going to ask Congress to immediately initiate work to get rid of this program. Diversary and diversity lottery. Diversity lottery. Sounds nice. It's not nice. It's not good. It hasn't been good." You already know this, but "diversary" ain't a word. And he said it twice. Because he's a fucking moron. And everything that followed was fucking moronic.

Then, swear to fucking god, he said the phrase "get rid of chain migration" three times in less than a minute, and you know he couldn't explain the concept if you held a Big Mac in front of him for a reward.

Of course, no Trump remarks are truly Trumpian until he bends over, spreads his gargantuan ass cheeks with his minuscule hands, and sprays shit all over anything that he can smear with his greasy fast food turds. "We're being stopped by Democrats because they're obstructionists. And, honestly, they don't want to do what's right for our country," he said, shit pluming out towards Congress. Hell, he had started the day by blaming Sen. Chuck Schumer for the terrorist attack in Schumer's own state of New York (for a 1990 law that contained the "diversary lottery" and had been signed by George Bush, Sr., by all accounts a Republican), so why not just pass the buck to all Democrats.

And, obviously, he talked about how people are laughing at the United States, constantly flashing back to the boarding school locker room, no doubt, when bullies would guffaw at the proportional divergence between his massive buttocks and his witheringly tiny cock. "We need quick justice and we need strong justice -- much quicker and much stronger than we have right now. Because what we have right now is a joke and it's a laughingstock," Trump said, shitting at the courts, implying that our justice system is worthless, as I guess presidents do now.

Then, swear to fucking god, he made the Cabinet wait for a meeting to start while he fucking rambled like a baby who just discovered how fun it is to gurgle, reviewing everything going on from his "very special" tax cuts to his nominations for judges, for which "the Wall Street Journal gave us great reviews on that, really fantastic reviews," as if this is just a fucking show and he's a drunk diva living and dying by the light of the critics.

His desperation for approval, especially from the New York City press, was on display when he called up a reporter for the Times to report that he's not angry at anyone, that he's totally chill about the Russia investigation indictments, that his poll numbers are really good, according to the Republican National Committee, and that he works a lot. Goddamn, just stand at the Lincoln Memorial with a megaphone and scream, "Love me! Love me!" It's the same fucking thing.

It explains why he starts his day with Fox and (People You'd Rather Murder Than Have As) Friends. The nonstop praise for him from Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and whatever poor blonde they force to sit between those two, who must smell like Scope and sweat, is like rolling onto your back in the morning with an erection and a sweet lover reaches over to give you a hand job.

"God, why doesn't everyone love me as much as the Deuce?" he must think. And then he spends the rest of the day trying to convince himself that everyone does.

That tiny space, between self-preserving delusion and self-serving flattery, is where the rest of us exist for him.

10/31/2017

In Brief: Today's Terrorist Attack Changes Nothing (And, Unlike Gun Massacres, It Shouldn't)

Some cunt from Florida rented a Home Depot pickup truck and cuntishly drove it into a bike path in Lower Manhattan, killing and injuring people. Then that cunt, who is probably a crazy cunt, started shooting with a pellet gun because he's a pathetic cunt, and then he yelled, "God is great" in Arabic, which is a cunty thing to do in this situation, but this cunt is a total cunt who then got shot in his cunt ass (literally, in his ass) before being arrested.

It's frightening. It's awful. Our hearts should go out to the families of the dead and wounded. We should look at some enhanced safety measures, maybe some barricades. We should make sure that mental health care is available to people who need it. And that's pretty much it.

Except, see, conservative politicians are gonna go apeshit, as usual, demanding crackdowns and bans and more. It's the exact opposite of what they want to do when there is a gun massacre, which is tell everyone to shut the fuck up about guns and la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you-with-the-NRA's-dick-in-my-ears.

The difference between this attack and a gun massacre is that no amount of regulation of cars is going to prevent some fucknut from slamming into people. But gun regulations can (and do) limit the number of gun deaths. In fact, if the aforementioned cunt had had a real gun, many more people could have been harmed.

This is New York City. We will absorb this and go on, whatever this dumb shit did. The Greenwich Village Halloween parade is going on as I write this, a wonderful, debaucherous event that is an affront to the fundamentalists of every faith. Tomorrow, I guarantee there will be bikers and joggers back in the area. Because the cunts don't get to win. And the politicians don't terrorize us.

We live in an incredibly safe period in American history, despite the Fox "news" and Infowars freakout lies about BLM rioters and Antifa executioners. Shit is gonna happen, but a whole lot of shit needs to happen to move us out of living in an incredibly safe time.

When we can do something about violence (like gun laws, like dealing with poverty, like punching Nazis - oh, wait, scratch that one), we should. But every shithead with a credit card and directions to the Home Depot is never gonna be stopped. Pause, mourn, move on.

We don't need to give the bastards more power. The terrorist bastards and the politician bastards.

10/30/2017

The Mueller March: Conservatives Head to the Barricades

Look at this crazy-ass shit right here: "Now, you’ve heard that the Washington Free Beacon and Paul Singer were the first to hire Fusion GPS. This is true. And I will explain this in due course. But that doesn’t mitigate in any way the involvement of Hillary Clinton, the Democrat National Committee, and Marc Elias, the law firm of Perkins Coie, it doesn’t mitigate or erase their involvement in any way." The fuck? That seemingly drug-induced string of words was heard today on Jiggles the Clown's Masturbatorium of Lies, spoken by Jiggles himself, Rush Limbaugh.

Jiggles was droning on Limbaughishly about special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation that led to the indictments of former Trump campaign manager and Moscow's "Man Most Likely to Drink Polonium If He Turns," Paul Manafort, and Rick Gates, Manafort's boy wonder and another Trump adviser. Limbaugh's approach to defending the Trump administration is distraction ("Look! Hillary!") and obfuscation ("Here's a bunch of shit I strung together and made it sound eeevil").

Today, the Trumpanistas and the conservatives who are seeing a giant expiration date on their movement have rushed to the barricades to try to keep the Visigoths of Justice (yes, totally great metal band name) from storming their nice, racist empire.

In addition to the crazed conspiracies involving Hillary Clinton, the corpse of Lenin, and, hell, the Necromonicon, why not, you've got the right-wingers who are dismissing the Manafort indictment with a wave of their hankies.

Like Andrew McCarthy over at the National Review (motto: "Remember when we were against Trump? No? Good"). McCarthy thinks it's all bullshit, smoke, and mirrors. He says, "Mueller’s case, at least in part, seems shaky and overcharged." And he accuses Mueller of using "an abusive prosecutorial tactic that flouts congressional intent" in the false statements charges. Inadvertently, McCarthy actually does get at what Mueller is doing: "It’s not so much a serious allegation of 'conspiracy against the United States' as a dubious case of disclosure violations and money movement that would never have been brought had he not drawn attention to himself by temporarily joining the Trump campaign."

Okay, listen, Manafort didn't just "join" the Trump campaign. He wasn't handing out fliers; he was the fucking guy in charge. And that's the goddamn point, isn't it? Manafort was a money-laundering scumbag who didn't give a shit who paid him.

Honestly, the only thing that makes the last year or so make any sense is if the Trump campaign was really a giant money-laundering operation and the Russians were just fucking with the American public to make sure that Hillary Clinton would be a weak president and they all bumblefucked into Trump winning, which was never part of the plan. It'd be a farce if Trump's actions didn't cause actual harm to actual people.

So, of course, if you thought Trump would lose, you'd get involved in the scam to clean your filthy Russian and Ukranian payoffs.

Maybe. Who knows really at this point.

But conservatives sure as shit want you to think it's nothing. Or, as Laura "My Soul Left Me Several Decades Ago and You Are Seeing My Human Husk" Ingraham put it, "It's a nothing-burger." Ingraham defended her Trump god, "The idea that this is a bad day for Trump because it in any way alludes to a collusion with Russia — you’ve got to be living on another planet if you think that. That’s just not what this is about...They don’t have anything on Trump. If they had something on Trump, that would be the indictment today. They would have something on Kushner or any of these other characters, but they don’t. So they go for Manafort and Gates." Which is counter to everything anyone who has ever been a prosecutor of big cases has said today. You go for the low-hanging fruit first and get them to turn on those on the higher branches who think they're safe from picking.

That's where we are with the pants-shitting conservatives. Clinton conspiracies, attacks on Mueller, and declarations that Trump is totally not involved. It's gonna be a wild and woolly ride from here on out. Gird yer loins, motherfuckers. Shit's gonna get nasty.

And, of course, Sean Hannity is going batshittier than usual tonight, having called Hillary "President Clinton." Goddamn, we wish, you dumb asshole. We wish.

10/27/2017

Border Agents Proudly Detain Just-Hospitalized Child Who Has Cerebral Palsy


Look at her. That's the face of evil right there. That is the face of a future rapist or drug mule or murdering member of the MS-13 gang that has us all huddled in our houses, curtains closed in fear. Where will she strike? Whose job will she steal? Yeah, when you look at the grinning girl in a Moana t-shirt, you are seeing the insidious reality of the illegal immigration problem in the United States. And God help us if we don't treat her like the criminal she is.

Or, maybe, you could see little Rosamaria Hernandez, who was brought to the United States 10 years ago, when she was a 3-month old baby. Her parents wanted to get her more help for the cerebral palsy she has, and this week she was on her way to a hospital, from Laredo, Texas, to Corpus Christi, in an ambulance so she could get an emergency gall bladder operation.

The ambulance had to cross an immigration checkpoint, which led to Border Patrol agents discovering Rosamaria's status as an undocumented immigrant. They allowed her to get the surgery, accompanying the ambulance to the hospital, but they were stationed outside her room to take her away when she was well enough to be moved. The surgery was on Tuesday. On Wednesday, the Border Patrol took her into custody and brought her to a detention facility in San Antonio to await deportation.

We're talking about a 10 year-old developmentally disabled girl with cerebral palsy who has lived all but 3 months of her life in the United States and who asked her mother over video chat, "Mom, where are you?" after she was being taken away. Oh, and she's got a grandfather who is a permanent U.S. resident and a cousin who is a citizen. If you can read those facts and not feel even a wince of empathy, you are a fucking monster who deserves this Trump-coated shit world we're damned to exist in. Hell, you probably love wallowing around in it.

I wonder how the Border Patrol agents felt doing this. I wonder if they were proud of how they were discharging their duties. I wonder if they went home after work and told their partners or spouses or other family how they were responsible for making sure that a little girl was taken away from her parents. I wonder if they thought for even a moment that they could have been using their time perhaps going after those drug mules. Or maybe stopping some human trafficking. I wonder if they thought it was really worth it, that it had been a good day. I suppose they could claim they were just doing their jobs, except that immigration enforcement standards say they shouldn't be targeting hospitals (let alone kids in hospitals).

And then I saw this:


That's one of the agents smiling as Rosamaria's bed rolled by. And I both had a moment of sympathy - here was a man who was obviously smiling to comfort a little girl going through a frightening situation - and more than a few moments of rage. Because that smiling son of a bitch is there to make sure that little girl's life is turned upside down and that damage is done to her that she may never recover from.

I hope smiling fuckface up there wakes up in the middle of the night, wondering if the anxiety that's pounding his chest is a heart attack, as he realizes that his life was devoted to hurting children. And I hope he'll tell his supervisors that it's bullshit and can't he go after real criminals. And I hope his supervisors will tell people at the Department of Homeland Security that it's bullsh--

Nah. Who am I kidding? He's fuckin' proud of what he did. And so are all of the idiot hordes who voted for this.

10/26/2017

This Particular Hell: Another Nonsensical Trump "Interview"

Yesterday, President Donald Trump sat with Fox Business host Lou Dobbs for an "interview" (if by "interview," you mean, "providing an alibi for a little while"). This is our national Hell: every day, we have to hear Trump say some dumb goddamn thing or other. If we're really unlucky, we have to see his jowls flopping around while he spouts words in a random order until he gets to a phrase like "believe me" to denote the end of what I suppose we could generously call a "thought." We have to watch his sagging scrotum of neck flesh undulate as he emphasizes some talking point he's made a thousand, ten thousand times before.

Dobbs, who has been an eager Trump chowder guzzler for decades now, threw so many soft balls at the president that it was less a newsworthy interview than a gentle massage from tits to prostate. Dobbs opened by saying, "In nine months in office, you’ve already accomplished more in the way of job creation." He praised, "You’re the first President to talk openly and honestly about offshoring of production, the outsourcing of jobs." He groveled, "The country owes you a great debt on so much." He knob-polished, "You’re also one of the most loved and respected men in history." To call Dobbs a sycophant is to do an injustice to the level of self-abasement he enthusiastically engaged in. He was the kind of whore who wants you to know you can shit on his face and he'll still call you "Daddy."

For his part, Trump was Trump was Trump. He spouted such blithering idiocy that you wonder how he can walk and breathe at the same time (and the evidence is not strong that he's capable of doing that for long periods). For instance, talking about his fucking border wall, he said, "You think of a wall as a wall. But honestly you do need some see through ability because you don’t know who’s – if you do pure concrete which is a wall then you can’t see who’s on the other side. You know you have a wall that’s this thick and you can’t see who’s on the other side. So, we’re going to need some see-through abilities." Yes, he really said, "See-through abilities." Insert your favorite gif of someone slapping their forehead or rubbing between their eyes.

Let's say this one more time: Have you ever heard of cameras, you inbred-eyed human-sized slime mold? And if the fucking wall is see-through, doesn't that mean people on the Mexican side can see if there are border agent and ICE waiting for them? That's how fucking "see-through" works.

But motherfucker wasn't done. As he usually does, Trump got a case of his echolalia, stuck like an old record on the word "wall." He went on about border agents, "They know more than anybody and they also know the wall and the wall systems. And, we’re going to take a look at the wall and we’re going to get it built and it’s going to be – it’s going to be quite the wall." First of all, engineers, construction workers, and architects know more than border agents about walls and whatever the fuck wall systems are. Second of all, the fuck? "Quite the wall"? This brain-damaged baboon wants some kind of monument to the Great Stupiding of our country. At this point, we deserve the Trump Wall.

While he repeated the word "wall" eight times in about a minute, Trump also got the word "fake" stuck in his hair implants. Trump said of stories on any network that isn't gooey with Roger Ailes's spooge, "It is so fake. And you know, I have come up with some pretty good names for people. There's -- I think one of the best names is -- you know, I’ve really started this whole fake news thing. Now they’ve turned it around and then, now they’re calling, you know, stories put out by different -- by Facebook fake. And they’re fake."

I'm trying to figure out exactly what the fuck Trump's saying here. He's proud of his bullying names for people (lemme try: "Donald Dimwit." See how easy that is?) He started calling things fake news (never mind that the phrase has been around for a very long time, but, sure, yeah, through sheer dullard repetition, he's popularized it). Then he seems to be criticizing people for calling Facebook stories fake and then, maybe, says that the allegations are fake? Or he agrees Facebook stories are fake? Who the fuck knows because actual, syntactical sense is impossible.

Then, as if to demonstrate his complete inability to do math or understand social media, Trump offered, "The good thing about social media is that I have so many millions of people, so many -- I guess, 128 million. You could add up -- you know, you add up all the different platforms -- massive social media." Now, even getting rid of the 15 million or so bots that are on his Twitter account, Trump does have a large social media presence. But you don't fucking count my Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook profiles as three separate people. You can't "add up all the different platforms." That's ridiculous. It's like saying that everyone is gonna get $4000 from the cruel tax cuts being proposed. No, asshole Trump voter, you're not getting $4000. The rich guy up on the hill there, he's getting $400,000, while you and 98 of your buddies are getting a pile of goose shit. But, hey, that averages out to $4000 per person.

The whole interview is one soul-breaking comment after another, from the praise for the tyrant-like power that China's Xi Jinping now has to Trump's desire to be friendlier to Russia (while completely denying what his own intelligence agencies say about Russia being distinctly unfriendly to us). Of course, there are the incessant attacks on Hillary Clinton, the demonizing of the Democratic Party, and the failure to see anything good that doesn't involve his giant-ass ego.

I used to think "Tomorrow is another day" with hope. Now it's with the knowledge that the dull thrum of the continued blabberings of a belligerent buffoon will always be in the background.

10/25/2017

More GOP Hypocrisy: Trump and Conservatives Defended Getting Opposition Research from Russians

Yeah, apparently the new fake scandal involving the seemingly endless and omnipotent evil of Hillary Clinton is that her campaign and the Democratic National Committee helped pay for the dossier that ties Donald Trump to Russia, as well as details his enjoyment of piss whores. Putting aside that Clinton and the DNC were paying a Washington, DC firm for the information (and not paying any foreign agents), we knew that Democrats were picking up the bill for it (after it had been initially paid for by Republicans who were trying to stop Trump) back in January, even as early as last October, although I suppose the Clinton campaign part is a newish wrinkle (if we all pretend we didn't assume that to be the case).

This being Hillary Clinton, and Republicans being motherfuckers, of course, there is now an enormous uproar on the right because we're all doomed to live in this unceasing loop where every action by Clinton is the height of criminality. I fully expect Breitbart to have a report on how Clinton's farts are the real cause of the California fires, and every fucking low-browed yahoo will take that to be dogma.

On the Steele dossier payments, Trump blathered today, "I think it’s very sad what they've done with this fake dossier. It was made up, and I understand they paid a tremendous amount of money, and Hillary Clinton always denied it. The Democrats always denied it. And now only because it’s going to come out in a court case, they said, yes, they did it. They admitted it, and they're embarrassed by it. But I think it’s a disgrace. It’s just really -- it’s a very sad -- it’s a very sad commentary on politics in this country." There are about 5 lies in those brain turds there, but the biggest, by far, is that the dossier is fake. In fact, it's still being investigated, with a good part of it already confirmed as true. The right is just trying to turn us away from its legitimacy and onto Clinton as liar.

What the Clinton connection does is affirm that it was opposition research for a campaign. And Trump and his conservative dogfuckers should understand that. They spent a whole bunch of time this summer defending Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort, and Donald Trump, Jr. (aka "That douche in every 1980s college comedy") for meeting with actual Russians in order to, they claim, get oppo research on Clinton directly from the Russians. (They also claim they got nothing.)

In fact, here's Trump from July: "Most people would’ve taken that meeting. It’s called opposition research, or even research into your opponent. I’ve only been in politics for two years, but I’ve had many people call up, ‘Oh gee, we have information on this factor or this person’, or, frankly, Hillary. That’s very standard in politics. Politics is not the nicest business in the world, but it’s very standard where they have information and you take the information." That shit's illegal when it involves direct contact with someone from a foreign country.

Conservative commentators were quick to jump on the "it's just oppo research so who gives a shit" wagon. It's a "micro story" because getting oppo research is "nothing new," said the unceasingly dumb Kayleigh McEnany. Skeevy ex-congressfuck Jason Chaffetz declared it a "nothingburger." Newt "Yes, We're Still Talking About this Bastard" Gingrich asserted that "virtually every campaign in the world" would have taken the meeting.

So you got that, right? Meeting with actual Russian agents in private in hopes of getting dirt on Clinton is totally fine with Trump and the GOP. It's normal. It's what you do. Who wouldn't do that?

But paying an American research company for research? That's a fucking outrage. In fact, as the White House said today, that's "the real Russia scandal."

Go fuck yourselves in a bed of piss.

10/24/2017

Regarding Senators Corker and Flake: So Fucking What?

People on the sensible-shoes left, the lying-to-themselves center, and the semi-rational right are praising two Republican senators today for speaking honestly about the threat that President Donald Trump poses to the nation and the world. In and of itself, in a vacuum, it's pretty cool to see Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee and Senator Jeff Flake of Arizona go all in on calling out Trump for being dumb, divisive, and dangerous.

Corker, who previously had said that Trump is "crazier than a shit fight in a monkey house" (or words to that effect), was on several morning news programs today to say that Trump is a fucking liar who's gonna get us all killed. More precisely, on CNN, he said, "But I think at the end of the day, when his term is over, I think the debasing of our nation, the constant non-truth telling, and the -- just the name calling, the things that I think the debasement of our nation will be what he'll be remembered most for." It barely needs to be mentioned that Corker doesn't think that Trump is a good role model for children, unless, you know, that child wants to grow up to be an asshole. Corker, by the way, has already announced he's not running for reelection in 2018.

Then, this afternoon, Flake got up on the Senate floor to announce he won't seek a second term basically because Trump's a dick and his voters are a bunch of goddamn nutzoids: "There is an undeniable potency to a populist appeal – but mischaracterizing or misunderstanding our problems and giving in to the impulse to scapegoat and belittle threatens to turn us into a fearful, backward-looking people." To put that in non-Senate-floor-ese, Trump's a lying douche who doesn't give a shit about ripping the country apart for his amusement, and a bunch of yahoos love him for the lulz.

In fact, Flake asserted that Republicans should stop being such dumbasses about Trump: "With respect and humility, I must say that we have fooled ourselves for long enough that a pivot to governing is right around the corner, a return to civility and stability right behind it. We know better than that. By now, we all know better than that." Of course, it would have been more potent a speech had Flake had the balls to say Trump's name.

So, yeah, relative to the silent complicity of most Republicans, it's refreshing to see two well-respected and pretty damn conservative senators state the obvious.

But so fucking what? They're both leaving. Neither is willing to get into the trenches and fight. One can imagine they're sick of getting Pepe the Frog death threats. Still, they're bailing. Other than Corker making a vague promise that "we're going to be doing some hearings on some of the things that he purposely is breaking down, relationships we have around the world that have been useful to our nation," they aren't pledging to do a goddamn thing to stop Trump, even though, according to them, he's a potential despot who stokes fear and anger, a lying ignoramus who has no desire to understand issues that involve the life and death of millions of people.

What could they do? If they were really brave, they'd say, "Yeah, you know what? Fuck the Republican Party." And they'd bail, offer to caucus with the Democrats for the rest of their terms, even if it defies their core ideology (as if supporting Trump didn't), and get Susan Collins or Lisa Murkowski to do the same. Thus that changes the leadership of the Senate and puts a halt to Trump's agenda and a mighty big fucking check on his power. Obviously, Republicans aren't gonna do anything about Trump. Otherwise, senator after senator would have risen after Flake to say they agree. If Republicans are the cowardly shitheels that Flake described, why stick with them?

Or they could have called for impeachment proceedings to begin. They could have said that the president has committed many high crimes and misdemeanors, and, c'mon, people, we fuckin' impeached Clinton for lying about a blow job. What the fuck is wrong with us now?

Not only are Corker and Flake moral cowards on this count, but, fer fuck's sake, they both eagerly support every effort by Trump, having both voted for gutting the Affordable Care Act, for the cruel budget agreement, and for every shitty administrator and judge Trump has nominated. Perhaps we should hold off on the hosannas until they fucking do something to prove they hold the beliefs they speak of. Maybe we can stop giving them rhetorical hand jobs because they said shit that we like.

Because right now, it's just words. And, sorry, that's as good as nothing, as good as a series of tweets into the abyss.

10/23/2017

The Bible Teaches That Rape Is Just Fine (Guest Post)

(My pal, folk singer Addie Brownlee, wrote this on Facebook this weekend, and she has kindly allowed me to post it here. Addie has long been wrestling with Christian-pud-thumpers; if you go to one of her shows, she'll likely do a riff on "Weird Shit in the Bible." Here, though, responding to someone who sent her some pud-thumping, she writes about the dangerous, fucked-up things in the Bible that have affected the way men behave.)

I. Have. Had. Enough. of Anyone. Saying ignorant things like “we can’t throw out God and beebee jeejee the way we have and not expect this stuff. I mean I sympathize with the #MeToo thing..."

Well - here’s what I think of all that shit. A reply I just posted to an ignorance I refuse to tolerate another day.

Hi, (person I knew 20 years ago) - Long time. I hope you’re well.

I can’t understand why you would even post this in response to the #MeToo movement. But regardless...

If by: "his Word that communicates to us what RIGHT and WRONG 'IS'" you mean the Bible? Then you need a refresher.

There’s the obvious - Lot - who in order to try to protect the angel/stranger/men staying under his roof from the angry mob says to said mob, “Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out to you, and do you to them as is good in your eyes: only to these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.”

Here. Gang rape my daughters.

And don’t deign to explain to me that this verse is actually about ancient Middle Eastern hospitality laws.

Ancient or modern - this “righteous” man told a group of men to gang rape his daughters.

Is this one of the moral absolutes we as a society have thrown out?

And then there’s the extra creepy part at the end that they sometimes do and sometimes don’t tell little tiny children in Sunday school - yeah - that part.

And speaking of which - I’d like to pose a question. Which sounds more believable?

1. That two girls who live in an epoch in which a woman who is believed to have had sex out of wedlock can be stoned (and what is better proof than having a child?), and whose father just offered them to be gang raped by the men from the town they just escaped - thought, “Let’s get our awesome dad drunk and have sex with him so we can have children because we will never ever in the rest of our lives ever encounter another man who isn’t our father!"

2. OR that the creepy old dude who wrote this part of what - after additions, deletions, mistranslations, spelling errors, punctuation changes, political calculations, and printing errors over the years became what some Protestant Christians refer to as "the Bible" - was a creepy old dude fantasy?

Cause I can tell you that no woman in the history of freaking ever thought about getting her Dad drunk and having sex with him.

Ever.

And this - as unsettling as it is - is not even an original story in the Good Book - it’s not the last time something like that happened.

There’s the Levite who offered his concubine to a mob made up of men from the tribe of Benjamin (so they wouldn’t hurt him). They took him up on it and raped her to death.

Open the Good Book. Drop your finger on any given page and there’s a decent chance that you may land on a verse in which god is telling his chosen people to kill the men and rape the women of his non-chosen people in battle.

“Well - that’s the old covenant. When Jesus came he made a new covenant.”

😂😂😂😂😂 OK wait. I’m sorr... 😂😂😂😂😂 OK I’m sorry. 😂 That’s one of my favorites. [RP note: If you can't see it, Addie put in a bunch of laughing-to-tears emojis.

So... if the Old Testament is abolished, does that mean you don’t believe in the Ten Commandments?
But GUESS WHAT 😐?

(What?)

Jesus “said” do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have come not to abolish them but to fulfill them.

No whammies no whammies no whammies noOOOOOH NOOOOOOO

Right.

And if you’re feeling attacked right now? You’d be right.

And you’d be feeling like all of these people you are so flippantly disregarding with your wise man wisdom.

Intelligent women and men are sick and tired. Yes we are TIIIIIRRRRED of people like you who never stopped believing in Santa not just wasting everybody’s time. But causing harm, TRUE harm in this world.

If you REALLY want to do something immediate about this problem?

You can call up the board members of an old church I believe you’re familiar with, and ask them why they would tell a young woman that she could no longer teach Sunday school because it had been discovered that her ex-husband had returned and was living with her (which is adultery), BUT took no action to remove the current church treasurer despite the fact that he has recently been convicted of soliciting a prostitute?

If you want to know what really happened to make this world a place where men rape and torture women with impunity while men like you type up smug statements and refresh your page waiting for the all the congratulatory e-pats on the back you’re about to get, then pick up your Bible.

Open to page one.

The first sentence is your answer.

“In the beginning, God”

10/20/2017

Oh, Just Fuck Off, John Kelly

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat: No matter where the fighting is and no matter the cause, most soldiers will act bravely, sometimes even heroically, to support their fellow soldiers. In every bullshit war, there are men and women who fight, get wounded, and die, and their sacrifice should be honored and respected. They went to war because the leaders we elected made them go there.

But let's also get another thing straight: We have not fought a war that wasn't bullshit since World War II. And every death and every wound has been for nothing (beyond the soldiers protecting each other.) Korea was bullshit. Vietnam was bullshit. The Persian Gulf was bullshit. Iraq was bullshit. Afghanistan is bullshit. They are all built on lies. Sometimes we allow ourselves to believe they weren't lies. But each and every one was based on lies to advance some policy or ideology that no Americans should have had to die for.

Which gets us to White House Chief of Staff John Kelly, a retired Marine general. Yesterday, Kelly appeared at the White House press briefing to set the record straight or some fucking thing about President Trump's callous phone call to the widow of Sgt. La David Johnson, killed in Niger earlier in this month.

In doing so, Kelly took his career and any respectability he had, which he had already handed over to Trump when he agreed to work for him in the first place, and he allowed Trump to fuck it in the ass while he cheered Trump on.

You can read about the many ways in which Kelly lied about Congresswoman Frederica Wilson. You can get confused at Kelly's statement that Wilson "listened in" on a conversation that was on a fucking speakerphone in the car she was riding in and therefore she had no fucking choice but to listen in. You can roll your eyes at Kelly calling Donald Trump "brave" for reaching out to the family of a fallen soldier, as if Donald Trump has ever done anything braver than eat one too many Big Macs in a single sitting. You can even shake your head at Kelly's beyond ignorant invocation of the past when "Women were sacred, looked upon with great honor."

But I'm saying, "Oh, just fuck off" to John Kelly for a couple of reasons.

First, he should fuck off for talking about how Gold Star families (those who lost someone in battle) are no longer sacred because "I think that left in the convention over the summer." He is probably invoking the Khan family, who criticized Trump at the Democratic Convention, and not Patricia Smith, who lost her son in the Benghazi attack and called Hillary a murderer, more or less, at the Republican Convention.

And Kelly should fuck off because in the rest of his fucked-up appearance he completely politicized Gold Star families - who, it should be noted, often politicize themselves in honor of their lost loved ones. He ignored that the president didn't treat those families as sacred when he attacked the Khans. That didn't fucking crop up in his obsequious fluffing of Trump. As if to make his point clear about who he values, Kelly took a couple of questions but only from reporters who are in Gold Star families or are related to them.

Then he pretty much said that you're an asshole if you don't serve in the military: "We don't look down upon those of you who that haven't served. In fact, in a way we're a little bit sorry because you'll have never have experienced the wonderful joy you get in your heart when you do the kinds of things our service men and women do -- not for any other reason than they love this country. So just think of that."

To which one can only say, "Fuck off. There are so many ways to serve your country and your community that don't involve the military and how fucking dare you diminish those."

Even more, John Kelly can fuck off because of what I started with here. Kelly said he was so upset that Rep. Wilson said mean things about Donald Trump (by, you know, quoting Donald Trump) that he had to take a walk. So, as one does, he went to Arlington National Cemetery, and "I went over there for an hour-and-a-half, walked among the stones, some of whom I put there because they were doing what I told them to do when they were killed."

What were they doing under his orders? Fighting in a bullshit war in Iraq, where Kelly had various commands, up to being in charge of the whole damn show in 2008. Yeah, Kelly led men to die for nothing. And so many in the military know that they were it was a war for nothing. Oh, he could have retired, but he didn't. Which means he believed in the bullshit war and sent soldiers to die for bullshit. I'm pretty fucking sure they didn't sign up for that.

But let's go even further here because, you know, if you're gonna tell someone to "Fuck off," you may as well go all the way. One of Kelly's sons died in combat. He usually doesn't talk about it because it's horrific and personal and why should he. But Trump dragged the corpse of Kelly's son into this shitpool. And Kelly brought him up yesterday. Kelly's son died in Afghanistan in 2010 in a war that should never have been started and was fucked up from the start by President Bush and it wasn't even unfucked by President Obama. Like every other soldier in this war, he died for nothing because he shouldn't have been there in the first place. Kelly's younger son is now on his fifth tour of duty in Afghanistan.

Yeah, John Kelly walked out in front of the world yesterday to announce that he is just another piss whore in Trump's bed, and he'll willingly degrade himself and his family in order to stay there.

(Note: I support the troops so much that I don't want them to have to fight because some politician needs to prove that a think-tank's position on democracy or terrorism is correct. I want them to defend us and defend our allies. And, yes, I have family in the military. I don't want them to die for bullshit.)