Last Night's Debate: The Dick Fight the GOP Deserves

The lowest point of last night's Republican debate/urinary tract infection wasn't the one you might imagine.

It wasn't when frontrunner Donald Trump, sensitive about remarks from Marco Rubio about the size of his hands, commented, "And he referred to my hands, if they are small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there is no problem. I guarantee." And when the nadir of a debate to help decide who will be the Leader of the Free Universe ain't "I promise you I've got a big dick," you're in big trouble.

Yet it wasn't when Trump, as if to prove that he's got a bigger dick, kept calling Rubio "Little Marco," like the soon-to-be-unemployed senator from Florida could fit in Trump's dwarfish palms.

It wasn't when Trump kept talking over the other candidates whenever one mentioned his name, mocking them for having lower poll numbers than him, which is just another way to say, "I have a big dick."

It wasn't when Trump dismissed spittle-lipped Ted Cruz's attempts to paint him as a closeted Democrat. Trump said that donating to Harry Reid or Hillary Clinton was the price of doing business, which pretty much means that he expected something in return and no one asked him about that, which still wasn't the lowest point.

It wasn't when Trump refused to release off-the-record audio from an interview with the New York Times where, according to Cruz and Rubio, he allegedly said that he would be open to immigration reform.

It wasn't when Trump waved off all the facts that Fox "news," strangely attempting to practice journalism, threw at him in big graphics and video packages, as if any of those missiles could faze Godzilla.

It wasn't when Trump, a liar so well-practiced that he could jizz in your face and tell you it was someone else who did it, kept calling Cruz "Lyin' Ted."

It wasn't when Trump not only insisted that he would order the torture of prisoners and the murder of alleged terrorists' families, but that generals and soldiers would follow his orders (which, to be fair, of course they would). It wasn't even when Trump repeated the disproven lie that 9/11 hijackers' "families" got away.

It wasn't when Trump proclaimed, while lying about the civil suit over Trump University, that "I don't settle cases. I don't do it because that's why I don't get sued very often, because I don't settle, unlike a lot of other people." He said this even though just a little over two weeks ago, he settled his lawsuit with Univision over the Miss Universe pageant.

It wasn't when Trump was called a liar, a "con artist," someone "facing a fraud trial," a "disaster" for the Republican Party, a flip-flopper on the issues, and much, much more by the other candidates.

No, the lowest point of the sad dick fight that was last night's debate was when Cruz, Kasich, and Rubio all pussied out and said, as Kasich put it, "I will support whoever is the Republican nominee for president."

And that's game fuckin' over right there. None of the other insults, slights, or attacks matter because who the fuck cares if you're gonna get in line with the rest of the Trump ass-kissers to plant your lips on his tangerine-peel butt cheeks. None of the other three gave a shit, at the end of the day, that a wannabe war criminal, a fraud, a fake, and a fool would become the standard bearer of their party. No one had the guts to say, even, "Fuck him. I just won't vote," let alone, "I'd run as an independent against him."

So this debate is what the GOP deserves, a worthless sword fight between micropenises stretched to breaking so they can get in a few pathetic swats.