Quick Note to GOP Candidates: Stop Your Stupid Fucking Viral Videos

You've seen them, right? Rand Paul and his woodchipper and chainsaw of utter manly manliness taking out the tax code? Lindsey Graham and his slaughter of cheap, outdated cell phones? Ted Cruz wrapping bacon around his dick while he jacks off?  All of them are trying to make effete politicians seem like they're masculine and tough and take no shit and give no fucks. 

Now we have Bobby Jindal having a push-up contest against his imaginary adversaries: The issues and his hilarious 2009 State of the Union response.  Filmed like a homemade gay porn flick, it features Jindal in shirt, tie, and slacks up against young people with t-shirts emblazoned with shit like "taxes" and "hypenated Americans" (no, really). Of course, Jindal "wins," as terrifying "fans" cheer him on in the tiny room.

Listen, sweet, dumb GOP candidates: Really confident men don't have to show off how macho they are. It's like being cool. The second you start telling people you're cool, you cease to be cool.

And if you think someone is going to vote for you because you seem down-to-earth because you used a samurai sword on a cell phone, your candidacy is already done.

But, hey, it's fun to go viral and compete with pet Vines and LiveLeak police abuse videos. You kind of fit right into the sweet spot of self-degradation between them.