Donald Trump Is a Dumb, Lying Piece of Shit, So He'll Probably Be President

Someone had better find out which of his mistresses Donald Trump forced to get an abortion, and they'd better find that out soon, because right now, Trump is no longer the GOP's Frankenstein monster. He's its Godzilla. Let Mexico cower under his green balls as the border burns.

Because, see, it doesn't matter if Donald Trump is a fucking idiot. In fact, in his CNN interview with Chris "The Less Evolved" Cuomo yesterday, Trump may as well have answered a question on how he gets his foreign policy information with "I sit on the toilet and, when I'm done having the greatest shit ever, really, it was something, you wish you could shit that way, I watch my gold-plated TV and learn everything I need to know."

Actually, take the bathroom out of the equation (even though you know it's part of it), and that's pretty much what he said:  "I watch your show. And I watch other shows. And you have the best channels, the best everything...In all fairness, you know, what do I know? I'm a man that made a great fortune. I'm going to make our country rich and I'm going to make our great, but you know what, you do not get me the right generals and I'll see four, five generals. I'll see all sorts of people...I'll even stoop down the colonel stuff. You go all over the place. But you have a lot of different people and so are other shows and they're really good people. And I watched that and read the Times. And I read the Wall Street Journal. I know we have a lot of other news page. And I read magazines specially Time magazine this week because I'm on the cover. OK. So I specially will look at it. But I read magazines and I read other things. Yeah, sure I need a team but, you know, by the time you get to a problem, you know, we're talking a long ways away, it's going to be changed. You can have a whole different set of -- I mean different countries will be run by different people in all fairness."

You might think, "Surely, he's not going to double down on that, right?" You are not an idiot. Donald Trump is a fucking idiot who doesn't ever need to give a damn who tells him he's a fucking idiot. So Donald Trump can say, and mean, "I watched all of the shows, you get the best people, you know, because even the generals want to be on television, right or they're retired generals in many cases but I see a lot of good things by watching your show and other shows. And it's really nothing that we left that or scoff that...and you know what I do is when I watched without naming names but when I watched your different shows and you show a particular you're very in to this but when I watched the different shows, there were certain people that I really think are terrific that I can do better by watching and seeing and reading in the times. And then I know who I maybe want to speak to more so because you're not going to meet with 400 different people. So I do learn a lot by watching and I do learn a lot by reading the various newspapers and magazines and everything else and I really find it to be a fascinating subject."

Donald Trump is George W. Bush with no fucks to give. And people are lappin' up his brain pissings like it's fine champagne because we've degraded leadership to relatability. People relate to Donald Trump because he talks dumb like they do, and we think talking dumb is talking straight. It's not. It's just dumb. They problem is that dumb people are too fucking dumb to know that. Can't talk in real sentences? That's relatable. Doesn't need to talk to experts who aren't on TV? Fuck, yeah, that's relatable. Much better than that prissy Negro, Barack Obama. Christ, Trump is the candidate from Breitbart.

Trump is also a fuckin' liar. Here's what he told Cuomo about an award he received: "I was given the biggest award by the marines the other day. It's just about one of the biggest civilian awards by the marines the other day. I was with all of the marines. I was with the head of the Joint, the new head of the Joint Chief of Staffs. He's a very impressive guy at the Waldorf, Missouri the other nigh. I was given, you know, one of their most distinguished awards which is a great honor for me."

Turns out that Trump was given a bullshit award because he donates a shit-ton of money to a charity called "the Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation." It gives college scholarships to the children of Marines and federal law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty. It's not even associated with the Marine Corps. It's a civilian organization. Of course it was a civilian award. Trump's either inflating the honor to give him some military street cred or he didn't even know what it was.

Fuck it, though. Who doesn't mix up the awards they've gotten for the $100,000 checks they write? Just like regular people.