The Rude Pundit's End-o'-2014 Haiku Spectacular! Featuring Haiku! (Part 1!)

"More haiku!" the Rude Pundit commanded the masses. "Send me more haiku!" Sweaty and tumescent, the Rude Pundit wanted to be engorged with short poems from the rude readers. So far, he has received dozens through the magic of email (rudepundit_at_blogspot_dot_com - fuck you, 'bots). But he demands more, more, to be satiated.

Now, to remember this dreadful/was it really that bad? year, let's begin the retelling with a trio from the Rude Pundit:

A Bridge Not Far Enough

Christie's minions felt
Safe to dick over Jersey.
Their boss was "elsewhere."

Dear Vladimir
Putin won Right hearts
Because he fucked so roughly.
Oil chapped his ass.

Whitey Doodle
Bundy pointed guns
At the marshalls. "We can't shoot,"
They said. "He's not black."

More later. And, remember, if you send a haiku or five, include the name you want listed and a place, like "Jesus of Nazareth."