Louisiana's Landrieu May Lose to a Goddamned Liar

Frankly, the Rude Pundit doesn't think much about Democratic Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu. She's one of the most reliably anti-environment votes in the Congress because she's from Louisiana, where oil is king, queen, knight, rook, and bishop. But at least she supported the Affordable Care Act and actually is close to sane when it comes to abortion rights.

But all of a sudden, the Rude Pundit is taking a more than passing interest in the race because of a couple of reasons. The fate of the Senate is a big fucking deal, not because any non-killing-foreigner legislation is going to pass, but because of potential Supreme Court vacancies. And Landrieu's main opponent in Louisiana's open primary, who'll she'll probably be in a run-off with, is this creepy fucker:

That man who looks like the last thing you see when you enter a van to help a stranger look for his lost puppy is Bill Cassidy, the GOP Representative from the 6th District, which is Baton Rouge and a bunch of oil field workers, fishermen, and assorted grotesque characters from True Detective. He is not a teabagger, but he is a reliably nutzoid conservative.

The Rude Pundit was having a conversation a few months ago with a male relative in Louisiana. He asked Older Male if he was going to vote for Landrieu for her fourth term in the Senate. "Fuck her," Older Male said. "She's a bitch." This seemed odd since Landrieu had been the state's oil and gas industry's bestie for years. So the Rude Pundit pushed, asking why Landrieu was a bitch. Older Male scoffed, "I just don't like her. I'm voting for Cassidy."

"Yeah, but why?" the Rude Pundit prodded.

"I don't like her. I don't trust her. I'm not voting for her. She's a bitch," said Older Male. The Rude Pundit wondered if Mary Landrieu had fucked him and left him since it seemed so personal, but the conversation was over.

Then the Rude Pundit was texting with a friend last night who had previously said he was voting for Landrieu. In fact, he had proudly proclaimed that, even though he's a Republican, he knew Landrieu was the best thing for the economy of Louisiana. Not last night. Now he was voting for Cassidy.

When asked why he had changed his vote, Friend Guy texted, "I'm more concerned now about the safety of our country than what she can do as chair of the Energy Committee." Landrieu wants more military force used against ISIS than President Obama has already committed, so he wondered where Landrieu had compromised on national security. Friend Guy wants conservatives to regain control of the Senate because "I want a strong country again where no one fucks with us anymore. And opening our borders is not sitting well with me."

At that point, with so many genuine facts wrong, the Rude Pundit said he'd have to wait until a phone call. It was late. His thumbs were sick of swatting letters.

Democrats may very well lose the Senate because of the same combination of forces that has always served Republicans: lies and fear. The fear part is easy: ISIS is scary and brown. Undocumented immigrants are brown and don't speak English. Protesters in Ferguson are brown. Of course, anyone who even thinks about supporting the brown guy in the White House is by extension brown themselves. Check out the "Sold Us Out" ad attacking Obamacare. It's three very white, middle-aged women talking about how Landrieu betrayed them by making sure that more people had access to health insurance. It's like your Republican mama telling you what's what/

But the lies part is where Bill Cassidy and those who support him go above and beyond. Cassidy put out an ad saying that "Instead of fully funding veterans’ benefits, [Landrieu] voted to give benefits to those here illegally." The fun part is that the cut to cost-of-living hikes for future military retirees was part of the sequester (remember that? Like an ogre with a never-ending hard-on, it's still fucking us). You know who else voted for the sequester? This guy:

You know who went on conservative talk radio and defended voting for those cuts? This guy:

It gets fucking loonier. The National Rifle Association has an ad out that says, "Mary Landrieu voted to take away your gun rights" and so you'll get murdered in your home. How did she vote to take away those rights? No shit: By voting to confirm Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. And she wanted expanded background checks post-Newtown. Otherwise, she's about as strong a pro-gun Democrat as anyone.

But, hey, if voting for a liar who wants to take health insurance away from poor people is what you think democracy is all about, then, dear, sweet Louisiana friends, by all means, vote for:

(Seriously, he looks like he's about to masturbate to burn victim scat porn.)