Tagg Romney's Gay Lover Speaks Out: The Inevitable Interview:
"Tagg Romney is surprisingly gentle in bed," said the man who the Rude Pundit didn't speak to today. "Usually, closeted Mormons are the worst. They want to punish you for their lust. It's something closer to rape, but with the rapist crying and holding you at the end. But not Tagg Romney. He seemed, well, experienced. I was definitely not his first. You can tell. When he started to go down on me, there was no reticence, no hesitation, no wondering what to do. You could say that he knows how to give oral. Goddamn." He paused and savored the memory. "And he not only swallowed my cum, but he licked me clean. That's...well, really, that's love. Or someone who just really likes cum.
"Which is why I was surprised when I heard that Tagg said what he said about wanting to jump out of his seat and 'take a swing' at the President of the United States because Obama had called his dad a liar at the debate. I mean, you didn't hear about Malia or Sasha wanting to punch Mitt for doing the same." There were tears in the eyes of Tagg Romney's gay lover. "I mean, he could be investigated for this, couldn't he? For threatening the president? Any ordinary person would get a visit from the Secret Service. Won't Tagg? Oh, he's too tender for that.
He asked if the Rude Pundit wanted another drink. "They're on me," he said. He ordered another couple of vodka martinis. "I first met Tagg when we worked at Reebok. And I have some investments with Solamere, his investment firm that his dad gave him $10 million to start. Tagg confided in me that the reason his wife couldn't get pregnant was because he couldn't force himself to have sex with her. But he didn't want to divorce her and come out of the closet and ruin his dad's chances at the Republican nomination. I told him that I had no problem keeping it on the down low. As long as he was monogamous with me. He assured me that he had no other lovers. And you know what? I believe him. Perhaps it's stupid of me, and, if you knew me, you'd know I am usually smarter than this, but I think after his father loses, Tagg will come out and then we can get married. If not, I'm moving on. Life is too short.
"I know why he's so tense. Yes, it's because his dad is running for president. But it's because he hasn't been able to sneak away for a weekend together. He's being watched too much. His brothers have been telling him to stay away. By the way, two more of them are gay. And one of them is way into S&M, can't even get hard without having his nuts stomped by a stiletto heel. I'm pretty sure that one has had sex with the horse, too. Anyways, Taggart's texted me a few times. He talks about how much he misses me in his ass and how often he's masturbated thinking about it. He's a nice guy, way nicer than his brothers or his dad. Or his mom. This Obama punching stuff just isn't like him.
"To everyone else, Tagg Romney will be Mitt Romney's son, maybe the son of a president. But to me? He'll always be my favorite cocksucker."