3/30/2011

If You Are a Birther, You Are a Racist; Therefore, Donald Trump Is a Racist:
Let's just for a moment play in the fantasy world of the birthers, or, more appropriately, the junior KKK. Birthers have pinned their hopes of lynching Barack Obama on proving that the President is not a natural-born American citizen and thus disqualified from holding his current office. Depending on the intensity of your birtherism, you might also believe there's some conspiracy involving Obama's mother having a three-way with Bill Ayers and Reverend Wright in Kenya or some such shit. (Truly, that last statement is not nearly as crazy as some of this gets.)

But let's play around with their hopes and dreams because birthers will insist that, really, all they want is to make sure the Constitution is upheld and that we're not being led by a false idol who will bring about a Muslim-atheist-gay apocalypse with a secret Commie sauce on top. And that they're not racist at all.

So let us say, and why not, that the vast conspiracy to protect the true identity of Barack Obama crumbles and, holy shit, it's revealed that the birth certificate is a fraud and that Obama was born in Kenya or Indonesia. What happens next? Joe Biden becomes president. And pretty much the exact same policies stay in place and the exact same battles will occur over all the same issues. Nothing would change except Obama wouldn't be there. We can keep goofing off here: birthers believe that, if Obama is not constitutionally allowed to be president, it would automatically invalidate every single bill or order that he's signed. No health care reform. No bailout. Of course, the Supreme Court would probably say, "Whoa, let's not descend into anarchy." (Well, one hopes they would.) And nothing would change. Or if you wanna fantasize further, if this had come out during the election, Hillary Clinton would be president. You see how stupid this all is? No, not you, you fucktard birthers. But everyone else who just rolled their eyes and/or got queasy reading this paragraph.

Honestly, the only rational explanation as to why this hasn't died is that it's the "intelligent design" of racism. Evangelicals want science classes to teach that the earth was shit out by some invisible sky wizard who then made people out of mud. But when creationism got slapped down by the courts, they renamed it "intelligent design" and had the fight all over again. With Obama, you can't be taken seriously if you say you just don't like a nigger president (except by your mule-raping relatives), but you can say that you don't believe that Obama was really born in America. However, since very little would change policy-wise if you're right, then the only reason to think that you're right and everyone else is involved in massive cover-up is that you are a fucking racist bag of shit.

Why does this matter? Why spend time on this? Just because empty-headed, braying publicity whore Donald Trump decided the best way to keep his ego in the news is by embracing it? No, fuck that clown. Fuck him hard. But now that Fox "news" has decided to go full birther and members of Congress are not smacking this down, there's something even more insidious going on.

More on that later.