Why Bill O'Reilly Ought to Be Sodomized with a Microphone (Swingers Edition):
It is a truism of the Fox "news" universe that, as much as they attempt to set themselves up as Doocy-led upholders of some kind of sexual morality, in the end, they're as perverse as the New York Post on its most freaky day. Or, to put it another way: Fox "news" loves the fucking. Lots of the fucking. They love the titties and the strippers and the fucking.
Of all of the Fox "news" hosts, no one loves him the fucking more than Bill O'Reilly, everyone's favorite Obama security-smacking falafel fondler, a man who can claim, with a straight face, that there's no homeless veterans. If there's a stripper in trouble, O'Reilly will be there. If girls have gone wild, O'Reilly will be there. If a beauty queen has had mildly suggestive pictures posted on the Internet, O'Reilly will be there. He's the goddamn Tom Joad of sexual exploitation.
And usually, O'Reilly justifies his flogging his meat on a sexy story by framing it with community standard outrage. Like last night on his Fox "news" show. In telling the story of a swingers' club in a private home in the Texas town of Duncanville, one whose comings and goings has neighbors all atwitter, O'Reilly had one of his "producers" go into the club with a secret camera. There, lens no doubt camouflaged by spewed jizz, he films a brief tour through the house, where a female leading him there says, "This is what we call the fantasy room. We like bondage. We do gang bangs. This is the public room. (INAUDIBLE.) You know if somebody is here playing they need to ask you to join or ask — you know, you understand. This is the hot tub room. I always say no clothes, no bathing suits." Then O'Reilly interviews the lawyer for the owners of the Cherry Pit, who is fighting to keep the place open.
Now, the Rude Pundit doesn't actually give a fuck about the house or the neighborhood. He doesn't give a fuck about the lawsuit or the ordinance that declares the place a business.
What's just goddamned funny is how much O'Reilly pretends to give a damn about whether or not the Cherry Pit is a business. How much he must take the uncensored footage of his producer's tour back to his house and tell his wife, "Hey, honey, come over here and lick my balls like that bitch just did to her husband." How much he pretends, as his balls are being suckled by his wife, that he's a newsman.