The Republican Debate: No Sound, No Fury, Nothing Signified:
Holy fuck, that Republican debate last night was boring. Seriously, couldn't Romney and Giuliani have gang-raped McCain (to which a sighing McCain would have said, "Again?")? Couldn't Huckabee do some kind of Jesusy mumbo-jumbo to expel the demon that runs Ron Paul? They could have brought Ronald Reagan's skull up on stage and each taken a turn fucking the eyeholes, and the skull would have been more lively than the candidates. It would have been more interesting and politically enlightening to try to set fire to one's own farts. Jesus, it would have been more fun to keep punching oneself in the nuts to see if one passes out or coughs up blood first.
Here's some of the Rude Pundit's favorite insights from the night:
Chemical and biological weapons are as easy to lose as particularly well-hidden Easter eggs. So said Mike Huckabee: "Now, everybody can look back and say, oh, well, we didn't find the weapons. It doesn't mean they weren't there. Just because you didn't find every Easter egg didn't mean that it wasn't planted." The cool thing is that Saddam Hussein probably decorated the WMDs with those fun Paas color tablets and vinegar and we still couldn't find 'em.
We need to make sure pimps and ho's are paying their share of taxes. So said, well, fuck, Mike Huckabee about his national sales tax replacing income tax: "Everybody gets in the economy -- no more underground economy. Drug dealers, prostitutes, pimps, gamblers, non-Republicans -- (laughter) -- all of those people out there will be paying taxes. Nobody's working under the table." Mostly the Rude Pundit just wants to know if there will be a sales tax on drugs and prostitutes.
Joe Lieberman is still a Democrat in John McCain's old eyes: "Joe Lieberman...one of my favorite Democrats."
Florida, playground of retirees, causes senility in even the not-quite-elderly. Said Rudy Giuliani: "[W]e are going to come from behind, we're going to win here in Florida, and if you look at the races that are coming up after that, I think we're -- we're in good shape." It's not unlike saying that, after you've been beaten into a pool of piss, sweat, and blood in an alley behind a bar, that you can still win the brawl.
Hillary Clinton wants to start up the Spanish Inquisition, loves the Plantagenets, favors guillotines. So said Mitt Romney: "She takes her inspiration from the Europe of old."
God, really, truly, the Rude Pundit would rather listen to Bill and Hillary Clinton deny they are in attack dog mode than listen to Mitt Romney or John McCain discuss antyhing.