Beware Our Thinking President:
Sure, we all know that George Bush says stupid shit all the time. It'd be charming if he was a character on a 1950s sitcom - Christ, think of the catchphrases - and not our goddamn president. But we should really be worried whenever Bush talks about something that he claims he's been thinking on (if by "thinking," you mean, "talking to people smarter than him"). The embryonic stem cell research restrictions, the Iraq war, the Scooter Libby commutation. These are the things the man does after he claims he's thought through all the possibilities; still, no matter how much thought he gives it, the outcome is hopelessly predictable.

It's sort of like if you're a manwhore who's been sucking cock all night in the bathroom of a bar, say, the Cellblock in Phoenix. You're covered in spunk, lips chapped, belly full, it's about 5 a.m., and, fuck, manwhores've gotta sleep, too. And in comes a trio of closeted Arizona frat boys lookin' for some leather-lovin'. They want you to blow them, say they've got sick cash for you. You tell them to let you think about it, maybe call a manwhore buddy, but, really, and, c'mon, you're gonna be taking the chowder. You're a manwhore. What the fuck else are you gonna do? All of a sudden say that three more cocks are too many? C'mere, boys, let's get suckin'.

Beyond what he thinks about, the truly frightening and just plain wrong shit that comes from Bush's mouth is the shit he's planned to say. Check out his speech yesterday on Independence Day in West Virginia: "Perhaps one way to differentiate between our thoughts is just think about religion. In the great country of the United States, we believe that you should be able to worship any way you see fit; that you're equally American, regardless of your religious beliefs. They believe that if you don't worship the way they see it, then they're going to bring you harm." Isn't the problem here that we're thinking too much about religion?

But wait. Bush goes on, "We believe in an Almighty, we believe in the freedom for people to worship that Almighty. They don't. They don't believe you should worship the way you choose. They believe the only way you should worship is the way they choose." Now, which Almighty is "that Almighty"? Which "Almighty" is the one that equally American people worship? The whole invocation of some big fuckin' Almighty, which happens to be the Rude Pundit's leather bar name, just fillin' our American skies with his Almightiness, plays into so much of what "they" think of us: imposing our Almighty on them at the end of our guns. So, just like Bush, they want their Almighty to win. You got that? Our Magical Sky Wizard is bigger than their Magical Sky Wizard because our Sky Wizard says that their Sky Wizard can exist. Fuck, you may as well be talking about leprechauns fighting fairies.

And that ain't even getting into the large number of "we" who don't "believe in an Almighty."

But maybe this is a new tactic. Bush will destroy every other part of the Bill of Rights. Shit, soon we'll be quartering soldiers. Yet he'll say his war is to defend freedom of religion. Another great and mighty cause. One that he'll be thinking about while continuing to gobble all those tumescent neocon phalluses.