Disposable Roosevelt:
Here's a little-known secret about the White House: every once in a while, when the mood strikes, in the earliest morning hours, accompanied by a posse of Secret Service, President George W. Bush pays visits to the FDR Memorial near the National Mall. Bush bows his head in silent homage to the past President and then, remembering who he is, he tells his posse to turn their heads while he undoes his pants and pulls out his cock.

The Secret Service agents, who have been taught to ignore the worst horrors imaginable in defense of their charge, cringe at the agonized screams they hear with their backs turned to the President as Bush madly jacks off, howling at the crippled visage in front of him, so loud that one might expect the giant Jefferson and Lincoln to throw shoes at him. Then Bush orgasms, whimpering and giggling, giggling that staccato stroke victim giggle of his as he wipes his dick on Roosevelt's face and says, "I've got a New Deal fer ya. Lick me clean, you commie-enabling gimp." Then he zips up and tells his shaken phalanx of agents to take him home. What a fantasy it is for Bush, forcing FDR to fellate him. It's like the dream of generations of Bushes, having tolerated the Roosevelts for so, so long.

Like the statue, Roosevelt himself is a prop for the Bush administration and the right, ready to be taken out and praised whenever useful, paraded about and degraded whenever expedient. A couple of months ago, Bush was giving mad props to Roosevelt, saying crazed bullshit like, "I do want to applaud Franklin Roosevelt. I thought he did a good thing with Social Security," which is not unlike saying to a hooker, "I want to praise your parents. They did a good thing in giving birth to you" before you fuck her in the ass and steal her coke. See, invoking Roosevelt is a way for Bush to say that he's acting reasonably, responsibly, for the good of the entire nation. And this, of course, led to the parade of conservative motherfuckers using Roosevelt out of context on Social Security and outright lying about him in order to justify the ways of Bush to the nation.

Bush kicked out the Roosevelt jams one more time last week, at the National Day o' Prayer service at the White House. Once again, as a way of saying, "No, really, I'm not some psycho Jesus freak who sucks at the teat of the fundamentalist cash cow," Bush mentioned Washington praying at Valley Forge and, of course, "Franklin Roosevelt sent American troops off to liberate a continent with his D-Day prayer." 'Course, that prayer was for a special occasion, when the U.S. faced an enormous battle, not just a regular event. (Although the Rude Pundit prefers the kick-in-the-face Wartime Prayer by Eleanor Roosevelt.)

This week, over in Europe, Bush took out a bag of FDR's bones, dumped them on the dais, and shit all over them by blaming FDR and Winston Churchill for Soviet domination of Eastern and Central Europe. Said the President as he grunted to pinch out a loaf right into the eye socket of FDR's skull, "Once again, when powerful governments negotiated, the freedom of small nations was somehow expendable." And when, before that Latvian audience, Bush called the Yalta treaty "one of the "greatest wrongs of history," one couldn't help but think, is the President dissing the United States while he's in a foreign country? 'Cause, you know, Yalta kinda helped end World War II. And Stalin kinda broke the agreement. And he was kinda already takin' over Eastern Europe. And, really, and c'mon, does Bush's boo-boo face apology do anyone any good?

Oh, sure, sure, soon it'll be back to the Social Security campaign trail, and FDR's bones'll be all shined up, ready to be put together like a puppet with a monocle and cigarette holder, as the right makes FDR dance in ways that he never would have imagined medically or ethically possible in his time.

(And, as reader Dem Kat points out, if we're gonna start apologizin' fer shit past Presidents did, let's at least be too legit to quit: "since Bush is in such a fuckall apologizin' mood perhaps we should expect these further apologies in short order:

"1) to the Lebanese people for Ronald Reagan abandoning them to civil war and Syrian occupation after the Beirut bombing.

"2) to the Afghani and American people for Ronald Reagan and George Bush I support and training of Osama Bin Laden and the mujahedeen who eventually became Al-Qaeda and the Taliban.

"3) to the Iraqi, Kuwaiti, Iranian and American people for Ronald Reagan and George Bush I decision to arm Saddam Hussein in his war with Iran that eventually led to the gassing of the Kurds, the invasion of Kuwait and Gulf Wars I & II.")