No, Donald Trump, No Large Groups of Anyone "Celebrated" in New Jersey After 9/11

Do yourself a favor and check out CNN's Jake Tapper interviewing Donald Trump "adviser" Michael Cohen about Trump lying about, well, shit, everything. Watch and see if you can get through two minutes without wanting to kick Cohen so hard in the balls that he's curled on the floor with the taste of nutblood in his mouth. Truly, in order to work for Trump, you must be the prickiest prick around, and Cohen fits that bill to a T (for...well, you know).

And enjoy the many facial expressions of Jake Tapper, from "Really?" to "The fuck?" to "Really? The fuck?" as Cohen explains that Immortan Trump has the greatest memory in the history of memories and, goddamnit, if Trump says he saw thousands of Muslims celebrating terrorism in Jersey City or Paterson or wherever, he fuckin' well saw it because that memory of his is fuckin' perfect.

Trump and his people have said that they are looking for this elusive footage from the ancient days of 2001, when obviously we were still drawing on cave walls. Except, of course, for all the shit that was already on the internet (or what we also called the "World Wide Web," kids). So the Rude Pundit started perusin' the Archive.org Wayback Machine for the websites of New Jersey newspapers from the week or two after the attacks of September 11, 2001. And guess what he found?

Yup, thousands of people in Jersey City, coming out after the attacks, except they were doing the exact opposite of celebrating the attacks. Here, from the September 15, 2001 Jersey Journal (which covers Hudson County, where Jersey City is):

Is it possible that Trump saw those thousands of people mourning and supporting each other and now remembers it as celebrations? Except that most of them weren't Muslim, so it's not likely.

You wanna know why groups of Muslims didn't gather on rooftops or streets or wherever in New Jersey to praise Allah for the attacks? Because most Muslims were shit-scared after. They were afraid of non-Muslim Americans scapegoating them for what had been done across the river and in DC and Pennsylvania.

The Rude Pundit could not find a single mention of any individual, let alone a mass gathering of people, cheering in joy over the Twin Towers' fall. And he looked at days and days of the Jersey Journal, the Bergen Record, and more, covering Jersey City, Paterson, Newark, and all over the northeastern part of the state. What he found were articles about, say, Pakistani immigrants saddened and upset by the attacks and wanting to help with relief efforts or about the strong relationship between the Christian mayor of Jersey City and the Muslim community, before and after the attacks. Even in an article about a suspected terrorist being held for questioning in Jersey City in the wake of the attacks, a perfect opportunity to talk about how Muslims might not be loyal to the United States, there was nothing.

Finally, though, there is this, from the Newark Star-Ledger on September 18, 2001:

You see that? "Rumors of rooftop celebrations of the attack by Muslims here proved unfounded," the article says, as clearly as can be. And the flip side, that attacks against Muslims were rampant, also was untrue (although there were backlash attacks around the country).

Why does this matter? Because Trump and his flunkies are going around talking about Donald's exquisite memory and how he's right about everything. And he's not. He's a hammy, spittle-flecked demagogue who has gone out on a too-high limb and doesn't know when it's time to crawl back. So let's saw that limb off the tree.


Notes on an Act of Domestic Terrorism

When it comes to labeling the mass shooting at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs, Colorado, by the anthropomorphic turd named Robert Dear, it shouldn't matter if said shitpiece is bugfuck insane or not. You can be completely eye-rolling, head-beating, moon-howling crazy and still be a fucking terrorist. You might be That Fucking Crazy Terrorist (as if sanity is something that terrorists generally have), but you're still a fucking terrorist. So let's dispense with all the polite bullshit reserved for white, domestic terrorists, like excusing them from the "terrorist" label for being batshit or whatever.

The only reason to say that the violent assault on a family planning clinic wasn't "terrorism" is for fear of upsetting the yahoos in the so-called "pro-life" movement. Fuck them. Fuck everything about them. Fuck their movement. Fuck their churches. Fuck their leaders. Fuck their followers. Fuck them all. You know why they so broadly need to be fucked? Because they are liars. They are liars to themselves and to others.

Now, here's something really politically incorrect to say, not fake political incorrectness, like Ben Carson talks about: If you knew that, in a house down the street, someone was murdering babies, you'd fucking do whatever it took to stop them. You'd get in there and take those babies away so they're not murdered. This is the biggest goddamn lie in the anti-choice rhetoric. Most of the anti-choicers know good and goddamn well that abortion and infanticide are two very different things because if they honestly believed that an abortion is the same as taking an infant out of a stroller and killing it, then they are fucking monsters to allow it to continue. So either they are cowards or they are liars and, except for a few of the craziest motherfuckers in the movement, they know in their heart of hearts that abortion is not murder. You know why they know it's not murder? Because they can't bust down a door and rescue a baby because that baby isn't a baby. It's a fetus attached to a woman who doesn't want you to fucking rescue her.

That's the great cosmic joke of nearly the entire anti-abortion belief system. You know that it's mostly just manipulative fuckers at organizations like the Family Research Council and politicians like, well, everyone in the GOP. And they're trying to squeeze money out of the yokels and, because in many cases their church is involved, the yokel parishioners, like yokels and rubes throughout history, will try to please their shepherds. The sheep might not wanna go into the goddamn pen, but they will because they are fucking sheep. The anti-choice movement is a scam, and the attacks, verbal and physical, on women's health centers and family planning clinics, are the pinnacle of a great con.

And that brings us to Robert Dear, another gun-toting, redneck shitheel who succeeded in murdering a devoted Christian police officer, an Iraq War vet, and a stay-at-home mom, an iconic triumvirate of conservative values. Between them, Garrett Swasey, Ke'Arre Stewart, and Jennifer Markovsky were parents to six children. And, while it matters not one whit if any of them or all of them were there for abortions, even by the low bar of stopping the selling of "baby parts," as Dear told cops he was attempting to do, this domestic terrorist was an utter failure, like he was at life.

But fuck Dear. Instead, look at the bullshit being spouted by the supposed leaders of the Republican Party, the same cocksuckers who lied about Planned Parenthood "selling" fetus parts in order to, in many cases, help medical science advance. The sentient syphilis virus known as Carly Fiorina said, "Any protesters should always be peaceful. Whether it's Black Lives Matter or pro-life protesters." Except the turd wasn't protesting. He was shooting a fucking automatic weapon. Where did that happen in any Black Lives Matter marches? She continued by attacking Planned Parenthood for daring to suggest that hateful things said by people like Fiorina might have inspired the shooter: "This is so typical of the left to immediately begin demonizing a messenger because they don't agree with the message." Fiorina was the worst of a terrible bunch, which included Ted "We don't why he did it, but he might be transgender" Cruz, Donald "People hate Planned Parenthood" Trump, and Mike "This is terrorism against the pro-life movement" Huckabee. None of them mourned the dead without adding some self-serving fuckery about how they're not involved.

But they will continue to say, over and over, that babies are being mutilated so cruel butchers can profit off their organs. They will dare to accuse the doctors and nurses of savagery. They will promote false videos as reality. The anti-choice movement's leaders, religious and political, will continue to wink to each other as they repeatedly tell their followers that they must do something to stop Planned Parenthood.

They will inspire more terrorism by more Robert Dears, just as they had inspired the killers and arsonists and bombers before him. Truly, they are the same as any ISIS propagandist. And they will wash their hands of the blood that is spilled by people who can quote their foul words back to them.


Who Needs ISIS When We've Got...(Part 1): Martin Shkreli and Turing Pharmaceuticals

(First in an occasional series on the real terrorists we should fear, none of which happen to belong to a certain well-armed group of losers and fucknuts)

So who would have figured that proud douchebro, all-around assbag, and man most likely to be serial nut-punched, Martin Shkreli, the CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals, was a lying scumbag when he said he'd lower the price of a drug to treat toxoplasmosis? Shkreli had said he'd do so after the uproar when Turing bought U.S. rights to the drug and raised the price by 5400%, from $13.50 a pill to $750 because fuck you, commie. Turing did cut the price for hospitals who buy it in bulk, but since the bulk of the sales are to people who aren't hospitalized, like HIV patients and pregnant women, the gutting of people who need the drug continue. (And, by the way, the pill, Daraprim, has been around for over 60 years, so the research has been paid back multiple times.)

For instance, one patient in Seattle would have had to pay $27,000 a month to take Daraprim, so a rival company, seeing an opening, is offering a version at $1 a pill and guess what? Live by capitalism, die by capitalism, motherfucker. Imprimis is raking in the dough.

And Martin Shkreli and much of the pharmaceutical industry will continue to terrorize Americans, legally, under the mask of the free market.


A Thanksgiving Prayer from the Conquered

From Lakota Chief Yellow Lark:

Oh, Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the winds
and whose breath gives life
to all the world, hear me.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.

Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes
ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made
and my ears sharp to hear your voice.

Make me wise so that I may understand
the things you have taught my people.
Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.

I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy – myself.

Make me always ready to come to you
with clean hands and straight eyes,
so when life fades, as the fading sunset,
my spirit will come to you without shame.


In Brief: Minneapolis Protest Shooters Are White Assholes, Of Course

Of course, the men who shot into the crowd of protesters during a Black Lives Matter demonstration in Minneapolis over another cop killing another unarmed black male, Jamar Clark, were white assholes. There was a brief moment when an Hispanic man was arrested, and you could feel the hearts of racists grow three sizes as they prepared mighty blog posts to say, "See? It wasn't just white assholes."

Except, in the end, it was three white assholes because it's almost always white assholes. And, of course, almost tediously so, the white assholes were enamored of shit like Confederate symbols and militia nonsense and guns, guns, guns, motherfuckers, guns.

The protests for Clark continued Tuesday, even in the wake of Monday's shooting. They will pause today as Clark is buried by his family.

Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving, and we will break bread and rip apart turkeys to celebrate the white assholes who "started" this country on crime and murder, what we rightly call our "heritage."


Judge to Wisconsin Lawmakers: Stop Being Dicks About Abortion

Agree or disagree with Judge Richard Posner on an issue, it's easy to distill his approach to jurisprudence to a simple message to the party he rules against: "You're being dicks. Stop being dicks." And when you're on his side, as with his evisceration of homophobes on same-sex marriage, it is the kind of breathtaking that is usually reserved for the entrance of Magic Mike. So it is in his opinion yesterday in a 2-1 appeals court ruling overturning Wisconsin's ludicrous anti-choice law that requires doctors at clinics that perform abortions to have admitting privileges at a nearby hospital.

From the get-go, Posner demonstrates just how dickish the law was in its concept: "Although signed into law on a Friday (July 5, 2013), Wisconsin’s statute required compliance—the possession, by every doctor who performs abortions, of admitting privileges at a hospital within a 30-mile radius of each clinic at which the doctor performs abortions—by the following Sunday (July 7, 2013). There was no way an abortion doctor, or any other type of doctor for that matter, could obtain admitting privileges so quickly, and there wouldn’t have been a way even if the two days hadn’t been weekend days. As the district court found, it takes a minimum of one to three months to obtain admitting privileges and often much longer."

In other words, by design, the statute targeted clinics for near-immediate end of abortion services, even as, Posner explains again and again, access to them is still a fucking constitutional right. From Posner: "Until and unless Roe v. Wade is overruled by the Supreme Court, a statute likely to restrict access to abortion with no offsetting medical benefit cannot be held to be within the enacting state’s constitutional authority."

Even on the issue of whether or not it's necessary for a doctor to have admitting privileges in order to help women who have complications after an abortion, Posner takes it apart: "One doctor with extensive experience in obstetrics and gynecology told about a case in which a woman with a complication from an abortion might, he thought, have avoided a hysterectomy if her abortion doctor had called the hospital or had had admitting privileges. That is the only evidence in the record that any woman whose abortion resulted in a medical complication has ever, anywhere in the United States, been made worse off by being handed over by her abortion doctor to a gynecologist, or other specialist with relevant expertise, employed by the hospital to which she’s taken. And the example doesn’t actually have anything to do with admitting privileges. The abortion doctor didn’t need admitting privileges at a hospital in order to call an ambulance to take his patient to the nearest hospital, or to communicate with the treating doctor at the hospital—neither of which he did." And that's all the evidence the state of Wisconsin had.

Yeah, you should use that quote around the Thanksgiving table when that relative, you know, that one, brings up abortion to a mostly uncomfortable silence. If you live in Wisconsin, you can add, "And Scott Walker can suck my giblets."

Read the whole thing. It's just a series of amazing, quotable passages where Posner says, repeatedly, "Goddamn, you are such dicks." He covers the expense of travel and lodging for poor women to get to distant clinics (the cost of which, as he says, the state isn't willing to pick up) and the fact that limiting first trimester abortions leads to many more second trimester abortions, where complications are more frequent (although still incredibly infrequent).

One last quote here, so good you can touch yourself as you read it like the best erotic fiction: "Opponents of abortion reveal their true objectives when they procure legislation limited to a medical procedure—abortion—that rarely produces a medical emergency. A number of other medical procedures are far more dangerous to the patient than abortion, yet their providers are not required to obtain admitting privileges anywhere, let alone within 30 miles of where the procedure is performed."

Short version? "Hey, dicks, go fuck yourselves."


We All Get the Donald Trump We Deserve

The Rude Pundit was on the verge of writing an angry wee blog post about dwarf-handed pigfucker Donald Trump and his lies (motherfucker did say he would start a registry of Muslims), lying (cockknob's racist tweet of racist stats put forth by racists, like him), bullshit (dick-weasel didn't see "thousands and thousands" of people cheering in Jersey City as the Twin Towers fell because there weren't thousands and thousands of Arabs or Muslims or whatever in Jersey City in 2001), outrage (jizz-gobbler said he thought a black protester beaten at his rally should have been roughed up), and outrageousness (bitchface put out a video of Hillary Clinton laughing while the Benghazi compound burns). Goddamn, what a fucking bounty, just in one weekend, like the glory days of the bathhouses in Chelsea, just ripe and tumescent for the picking.

And then the Rude Pundit thought about a book he read months ago. It's Bird Box by Josh Malerman, and it's one of the creepiest damn novels of the last couple of years (that this guy has read). But it also provides us with a useful metaphor. See, Bird Box takes place after creatures from somewhere have taken over the earth. The catch is that as long as you don't look at the things, you'll have a chance to survive. If you do, though, you'll go mad and you'll kill yourself, perhaps taking others with you in the process. And, no, there is no Medusa-mirror solution here. People are forced to exist in houses with all the windows covered and, if they must leave, they have to go outside blindfolded so they don't accidentally glimpse a monster. Some characters can't help themselves or some just stumble, and the madness takes over. But for those who are brave enough to keep their eyes covered, they have still have to hear the things and feel them when they are close; they just get to keep their sanity and their lives.

Goddamnit, we don't have to respond every time Donald Trump, a syphilitic screamer who is half carnival barker, half cut-rate Mussolini, spews out something, either in one of his loudmouthed phone interviews or on his Twitter account, where he or his minions articulate his brand of brainwashing the useless mouth-breathing ass-pickers who are his voters clamor for. Trump himself regularly calls for boycotts of companies that annoy him in some meaningless way. The editor of The Daily Beast is saying we should boycott Trump products because the man himself is such a twat-flea.

But what if we boycotted Trump? What if we just decided that looking at him, listening to him, giving him airtime every single speech or tweet or fucked-up expression of ego that he's pretending is policy is driving us insane? What if we decide to wear blindfolds and allow him to rant and rage, but let him do it in a fucking vacuum, with no coverage? Go all in: kick him out of the GOP debates because he's a blithering hatemonger, a wealthy dilettante playing games with the minds of the idiotic. Oh, sure, he'll go nutzoid, say it's because we're all frightened of him and his silent majority (who, fuck you, are heard more than any liberal movement anywhere in the U.S.). Ignore that, too.

Trump is still here because we have said that the things he spouts are within the realm of decency, and that's only because he's rich. Without his money, he'd be debating rats about who gets the best pizza crusts. And while all of the GOP candidates are wanton suckers of goat cock, maybe one of them could have the straight-up balls to say, "Yeah, fuck this. I'm not appearing on the same stage with this asshole." It'd get you more coverage, John Kasich, than 100 proposals to create a Department of How Awesome Jesus Is (and, Sure, Jews) in your pretend administration.

Maybe it's time to stop ourselves from going completely over the edge.

(Note: This is as much a fantasy as Trump becoming president. We'll all keep talking about his brain vomit.)