7/09/2009
Easy Predictions: No One Will Apologize to Nancy Pelosi:
Some things are just cut and dried, no matter how much others try to complicate, obfuscate, or bloviate. So, just to get this right:
On May 14, 2009, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi accused the CIA of lying about who was told what when at which briefing on waterboarding. She added, "They mislead us all the time." "They" is the CIA; "us" is the Congress.
Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, who, it needs to always be mentioned, scampered away from Congress in disgrace, said back in May, "To have the person third in line to be president say that the CIA misleads us all the time is so utterly irresponsible and such an attack on the men and women who are risking their lives...that she disqualifies herself for being speaker of the House."
Fox "news" host Bill O'Reilly barely said (in an "interview" with Gingrich), "The unintended consequences of the Speaker of the House basically saying to the world, hey, the U.S. government is corrupt. You know, the CIA is a bunch of liars. And they misled the Congress and all of these terrible things, that's got to play out in a much bigger - you know, much more important role than just Pelosi versus the CIA."
Also on Fox "news," Sean Hannity said that Pelosi is "undermining our national security. She's emboldening our enemies, and it is reckless and irresponsible for somebody in that position."
There's endlessly similar blustering in print, on the radio, and on TV.
Here's a letter from yesterday, June 26, 2009, to CIA Chief Leon Panetta from seven Democratic members of the House Intelligence Committee: "Recently you have testified that top CIA officials have concealed significant actions from all Members of Congress, and misled Members for a number of years from 2001 to this week. This is similar to other deceptions of which we are aware from other recent periods." This is vague because the House members are dealing with classified material.
Or, in other words, "They mislead us all the time." Oh, by the way, the "us" there could also be the American people.
Some things are just cut and dried, no matter how much others try to complicate, obfuscate, or bloviate. So, just to get this right:
On May 14, 2009, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi accused the CIA of lying about who was told what when at which briefing on waterboarding. She added, "They mislead us all the time." "They" is the CIA; "us" is the Congress.
Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, who, it needs to always be mentioned, scampered away from Congress in disgrace, said back in May, "To have the person third in line to be president say that the CIA misleads us all the time is so utterly irresponsible and such an attack on the men and women who are risking their lives...that she disqualifies herself for being speaker of the House."
Fox "news" host Bill O'Reilly barely said (in an "interview" with Gingrich), "The unintended consequences of the Speaker of the House basically saying to the world, hey, the U.S. government is corrupt. You know, the CIA is a bunch of liars. And they misled the Congress and all of these terrible things, that's got to play out in a much bigger - you know, much more important role than just Pelosi versus the CIA."
Also on Fox "news," Sean Hannity said that Pelosi is "undermining our national security. She's emboldening our enemies, and it is reckless and irresponsible for somebody in that position."
There's endlessly similar blustering in print, on the radio, and on TV.
Here's a letter from yesterday, June 26, 2009, to CIA Chief Leon Panetta from seven Democratic members of the House Intelligence Committee: "Recently you have testified that top CIA officials have concealed significant actions from all Members of Congress, and misled Members for a number of years from 2001 to this week. This is similar to other deceptions of which we are aware from other recent periods." This is vague because the House members are dealing with classified material.
Or, in other words, "They mislead us all the time." Oh, by the way, the "us" there could also be the American people.
7/08/2009
Was Palin Really Treated That Badly?:
Somewhere, you know the Clintons are laughing their asses off at Sarah Palin punking out of politics. And that'd be even as they shake their heads listening to bullshit pundit after bullshit pundit declare that poor Sarah Palin and her poor kids and her poor husband were treated oh-so-very cruelly by Katie Couric and the Bloggers.
John Fund in a "people are too stupid have too much information" column in the Wall Street Journal: "Everyone in the family was weary of endless personal attacks, including mean-spirited suggestions on liberal blogs that all of her children should have been aborted and that she would run on a presidential platform promoting retardation."
Kathleen Parker, in a "go the fuck away, Sarah" column in the Washington Post: "Undoubtedly and understandably, Palin is weary of the fray. The crucial turning point was the attacks on her family. No one can honestly make the case that the Palins didn't take more heat than other public families."
Shit like this is on an endless loop on CNNMSNBCFox. It's pick and choose the most fucked-up stuff some commenter on Daily Kos wrote while insisting that the beleaguered Palins were treated worser than the worstest any family has ever been worstly treated in the history of worstness. Oh, and Tina Fey hurt her feelings.
Fuck them and fuck her. Sure, people are gonna say mean shit about her. Sure, Andrew Sullivan might get a bit obsessed over whether or not Trig's Palin's kid or not. And if a candidate preaches abstinence but her daughter gets knocked up before marriage? That'd be kind of relevant. But the mainstream media, for the most part, when it wasn't jacking off about how mavericky this moose-huntin' twit was, questioned whether or not Palin was smart enough or experienced enough to be vice-president. Hey, those are legitimate lines of inquiry, even if George W. Bush took them off the table for a few years.
And as for who's been treated worse?
Whether or not Bill and Hillary Clinton had Vince Foster murdered was discussed on mainstream news channels, not just dismissed as sheer madness. Elected Republicans made jokes about Chelsea Clinton's awkward adolescent looks. And when someone investigates Sarah Palin and talks about the shape of her vagina and how she sucks a dick, then we can even begin to talk about who is treated unfairly. It wasn't just some cranky-ass blogger. It was the way the national media functioned: as a nonstop Clinton attack machine. The Clintons fucking took it all, like Rocky against Apollo Creed, man, in Rocky II.
And all this shit was even before blogs existed. What kind of fucktarded shitstorm would have cycloned through the nutzoid right and the 24-hour news networks, desperately trying to fill time until the world ends, if blogs had been around? Oh, right, ask Barack and Michelle Obama about birth certificates, Bill Ayers, and secret Muslim terrorist agendas.
Palin got a taste of it, like a particularly intense amuse bouche. And, as the Rude Pundit said yesterday, if she were truly the honest person her plummeting number of supporters believe she is, she would have simply said last week that she couldn't take it anymore and everyone can kiss her ass. But, hey, maybe Rachael Ray needs some competition.
Somewhere, you know the Clintons are laughing their asses off at Sarah Palin punking out of politics. And that'd be even as they shake their heads listening to bullshit pundit after bullshit pundit declare that poor Sarah Palin and her poor kids and her poor husband were treated oh-so-very cruelly by Katie Couric and the Bloggers.
John Fund in a "people are too stupid have too much information" column in the Wall Street Journal: "Everyone in the family was weary of endless personal attacks, including mean-spirited suggestions on liberal blogs that all of her children should have been aborted and that she would run on a presidential platform promoting retardation."
Kathleen Parker, in a "go the fuck away, Sarah" column in the Washington Post: "Undoubtedly and understandably, Palin is weary of the fray. The crucial turning point was the attacks on her family. No one can honestly make the case that the Palins didn't take more heat than other public families."
Shit like this is on an endless loop on CNNMSNBCFox. It's pick and choose the most fucked-up stuff some commenter on Daily Kos wrote while insisting that the beleaguered Palins were treated worser than the worstest any family has ever been worstly treated in the history of worstness. Oh, and Tina Fey hurt her feelings.
Fuck them and fuck her. Sure, people are gonna say mean shit about her. Sure, Andrew Sullivan might get a bit obsessed over whether or not Trig's Palin's kid or not. And if a candidate preaches abstinence but her daughter gets knocked up before marriage? That'd be kind of relevant. But the mainstream media, for the most part, when it wasn't jacking off about how mavericky this moose-huntin' twit was, questioned whether or not Palin was smart enough or experienced enough to be vice-president. Hey, those are legitimate lines of inquiry, even if George W. Bush took them off the table for a few years.
And as for who's been treated worse?
Whether or not Bill and Hillary Clinton had Vince Foster murdered was discussed on mainstream news channels, not just dismissed as sheer madness. Elected Republicans made jokes about Chelsea Clinton's awkward adolescent looks. And when someone investigates Sarah Palin and talks about the shape of her vagina and how she sucks a dick, then we can even begin to talk about who is treated unfairly. It wasn't just some cranky-ass blogger. It was the way the national media functioned: as a nonstop Clinton attack machine. The Clintons fucking took it all, like Rocky against Apollo Creed, man, in Rocky II.
And all this shit was even before blogs existed. What kind of fucktarded shitstorm would have cycloned through the nutzoid right and the 24-hour news networks, desperately trying to fill time until the world ends, if blogs had been around? Oh, right, ask Barack and Michelle Obama about birth certificates, Bill Ayers, and secret Muslim terrorist agendas.
Palin got a taste of it, like a particularly intense amuse bouche. And, as the Rude Pundit said yesterday, if she were truly the honest person her plummeting number of supporters believe she is, she would have simply said last week that she couldn't take it anymore and everyone can kiss her ass. But, hey, maybe Rachael Ray needs some competition.
7/07/2009
Radio Bonus: The Rude Pundit on The Stephanie Miller Show:
Yesterday, the Rude Pundit chatted with Stephanie Miller on her daily, syndicated radio show. Have a listen as they talk oh-so-gently and compassionately about Sarah Palin, Mark Sanford, and more:
(Major props to rude reader Rick S. for the audio clip.)
Yesterday, the Rude Pundit chatted with Stephanie Miller on her daily, syndicated radio show. Have a listen as they talk oh-so-gently and compassionately about Sarah Palin, Mark Sanford, and more:
(Major props to rude reader Rick S. for the audio clip.)
Palin Not Fade Away:
There's only one way that Sarah Palin's resignation as governor of Alaska might have provoked any sympathy whatsoever: if she had just admitted she was in over her head. If Palin had gotten up in front of Miked Duck Lake or wherever the fuck she was, and said, "Okay, look, ya got me. I was an overly ambitious dink who actually tricked people into taking me seriously as a political leader. Who'd've thought it would have worked so well? It was fun last year, talkin' to all those crowds who thought that 'folksy' was a substitute for 'competent,' but lemme tell you, Alaska, America, it ain't. And now that I've realized it, I've decided the best thing I could do is to get out before I do any more damage." It's basically a variation on the "Shit George W. Bush Should Have Said in 2002" speech. And it's pretty much what she actually said, but she didn't have the guts to say it, spinning it instead as bad ol' government and mean ol' media people chasin' her away from what she loves.
Hell, even if she had said, "Governoring is boring and I'm sick of people buggin' me for stuff. I'm headin' to L.A. to make shitloads of money, fuckers," it would have been more honest.
At this point, though, Michael Jackson's funeral has more dignity.
What's most depressingly predictable is the number of defenders she has among people not on her payroll. There's insanity abounding when you read or hear anyone contort themselves in order to justify all the time and effort they've put into attempting to make us believe that Sarah Palin is anything more than that fun one-night stand they keep texting over and over to see again. All of them just keep saying stupid shit that only the desperate speak. And none of it deserves any more of a response than a silent stare, wondering if the speaker is going to hurt themselves or others.
William Kristol, who, it should always be noted, was Alan Keyes' campaign manager, writes, "Why is it more admirable to run for national office while a sitting governor (or senator), spending a fair amount of time out of your state (or away from Congress), necessarily neglecting or delegating some of your duties -- than to turn the office over to your constitutional successor so your constituents have someone working full time on their behalf?" Reading Kristol's pathetic whine of a column is like taking pleasure in watching a man eat a shit sandwich and pretending it's fine ham.
In the Washington Times, Tony Blankley, a man who looks like he just ate a whole meatball sub, writes, "And though many a conventional politician might be seen as a quitter if he resigned from office -- I have a very strong hunch Mrs. Palin is constitutionally incapable of being seen as a quitter. Because she is not. She is constantly taking on the biggest challenge on her horizon." You got that logic? If anyone else quit, they'd be a quitter. But if Palin quits, she's not. Thus Tony Blankley finally achieved his goal of licking his own asshole.
Over on MSNBC's Morning Starbucks, Mika Brzezinski, who always looks like she's just aching for a spanking, said yesterday that if Palin were a man, we wouldn't be judging her so harshly for resigning. She's wrong on that account, but she's right that we'd treat a man differently. We'd call him a "pussy." (Bonus points: Brzezinski declared that she's not a feminist.)
Even if Eugene Robinson is right that we should blame John McCain for inflicting Palin on the nation like a diseased dude who doesn't tell his lover that he's got the herp, the real responsibility rests squarely with the people of Alaska who, like people all over the nation, elected the person who soothed their greed nerve best. Selfish people will, ultimately, behave selfishly. And the morons among us will reveal their true intelligence.
Standing in hip boots in some other damn body of water, Palin was interviewed by various and sundry networks, and she declared, "I am not a quitter; I am a fighter." Goddamn, there's two more words she doesn't know the definition of.
There's only one way that Sarah Palin's resignation as governor of Alaska might have provoked any sympathy whatsoever: if she had just admitted she was in over her head. If Palin had gotten up in front of Miked Duck Lake or wherever the fuck she was, and said, "Okay, look, ya got me. I was an overly ambitious dink who actually tricked people into taking me seriously as a political leader. Who'd've thought it would have worked so well? It was fun last year, talkin' to all those crowds who thought that 'folksy' was a substitute for 'competent,' but lemme tell you, Alaska, America, it ain't. And now that I've realized it, I've decided the best thing I could do is to get out before I do any more damage." It's basically a variation on the "Shit George W. Bush Should Have Said in 2002" speech. And it's pretty much what she actually said, but she didn't have the guts to say it, spinning it instead as bad ol' government and mean ol' media people chasin' her away from what she loves.
Hell, even if she had said, "Governoring is boring and I'm sick of people buggin' me for stuff. I'm headin' to L.A. to make shitloads of money, fuckers," it would have been more honest.
At this point, though, Michael Jackson's funeral has more dignity.
What's most depressingly predictable is the number of defenders she has among people not on her payroll. There's insanity abounding when you read or hear anyone contort themselves in order to justify all the time and effort they've put into attempting to make us believe that Sarah Palin is anything more than that fun one-night stand they keep texting over and over to see again. All of them just keep saying stupid shit that only the desperate speak. And none of it deserves any more of a response than a silent stare, wondering if the speaker is going to hurt themselves or others.
William Kristol, who, it should always be noted, was Alan Keyes' campaign manager, writes, "Why is it more admirable to run for national office while a sitting governor (or senator), spending a fair amount of time out of your state (or away from Congress), necessarily neglecting or delegating some of your duties -- than to turn the office over to your constitutional successor so your constituents have someone working full time on their behalf?" Reading Kristol's pathetic whine of a column is like taking pleasure in watching a man eat a shit sandwich and pretending it's fine ham.
In the Washington Times, Tony Blankley, a man who looks like he just ate a whole meatball sub, writes, "And though many a conventional politician might be seen as a quitter if he resigned from office -- I have a very strong hunch Mrs. Palin is constitutionally incapable of being seen as a quitter. Because she is not. She is constantly taking on the biggest challenge on her horizon." You got that logic? If anyone else quit, they'd be a quitter. But if Palin quits, she's not. Thus Tony Blankley finally achieved his goal of licking his own asshole.
Over on MSNBC's Morning Starbucks, Mika Brzezinski, who always looks like she's just aching for a spanking, said yesterday that if Palin were a man, we wouldn't be judging her so harshly for resigning. She's wrong on that account, but she's right that we'd treat a man differently. We'd call him a "pussy." (Bonus points: Brzezinski declared that she's not a feminist.)
Even if Eugene Robinson is right that we should blame John McCain for inflicting Palin on the nation like a diseased dude who doesn't tell his lover that he's got the herp, the real responsibility rests squarely with the people of Alaska who, like people all over the nation, elected the person who soothed their greed nerve best. Selfish people will, ultimately, behave selfishly. And the morons among us will reveal their true intelligence.
Standing in hip boots in some other damn body of water, Palin was interviewed by various and sundry networks, and she declared, "I am not a quitter; I am a fighter." Goddamn, there's two more words she doesn't know the definition of.
7/06/2009
Pictures of a Tea Party:
It was the Fourth of July in Red State America, 2009. The Rude Pundit had celebrated by eating various kinds of grilled meat, and, yet, he still felt empty inside, like he needed to be among people who knew the meaning, the true meaning of this day. So he read about the local tea party going on in a local park, even though it was hotter than Satan's taint outside. After asking if any of the other carnivores wanted to go with him, alone he headed out.
In the park, there were about a hundred or so people gathered in the three strips of shade provided by the trees. The Rude Pundit walked through, looking at signs that proclaimed the people present disapproved of socialism, liberalism, and Barack Obama.
This gentleman's sign expressed his desire to not be anally raped, although he seems a bit ambitious in how low he could bend.
In case you can't tell, it's an image from the end of the film Planet of the Apes, with Charlton Heston on his knees before a ruined Statue of Liberty. That's President Obama's face as an ape. The Rude Pundit asked the man who was carrying it if he had gotten it off the internet. "No," the man said, "I made it myself."
Actual conversation (in play form):
RP: Did you make that yourself?
Man in Colonial Drag: No, Betsy Ross made it.
RP: (pause) So...um...General Washington?
Man: No, but I'm proud to be one of his aides.
RP: (thinking about an AIDS joke, but wanting to survive the day) Well, Ms. Ross did a fine job. Can I take your picture?
The man would later lead the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance, in front of a band's drum kit that had a confederate flag dangling from it. A woman in costume would sing the National Anthem. Another man would read from the bible. It was really a catch-all kind of event.
Inside the air-conditioned rec center gym, another 200 people or so gathered to watch a John Birch Society video about how communists take over the country. Not pictured are the people in the bleachers. Some long-haired dude in what looked like a buccaneer's coat told us at the end that the event was not sponsored by the John Birch Society, but that he just thought the video was informative.
There were tables with all kinds of information about health care, abortion, taxes. The Rude Pundit heard one table attendant hold forth on how fascism was more widespread than communism, but that we need to be cautious about both. It didn't make sense then. It doesn't make sense now. But the people he spoke to were nodding.
Much like that sign there, which says, "46 million without health insurance...who are they kidding? 9.7 million are not even Americans." How do you argue with someone who can't even admit that the stat is over 46 million Americans? You don't.
No, instead you sigh, thinking that it's too hot a day. You debate in your mind whether or not this is a real movement or just a bunch of people who too readily believe all the goddamn lies they're fed. You get a free sno-cone (sour apple flavor). You listen to the costumed kids sing, "God Bless America." You leave when the band starts to cover Lee Greenwood's fucking song. You go to see fireworks downtown after the local symphony plays. You hear that people around here don't put pro-choice or pro-Obama stickers on their cars because they'll get keyed. You know this is America, too, yes, and, unlike the tea partygoers, you recognize it because, even as they celebrate a so-called "revolution" and hope for another, some things never change.
It was the Fourth of July in Red State America, 2009. The Rude Pundit had celebrated by eating various kinds of grilled meat, and, yet, he still felt empty inside, like he needed to be among people who knew the meaning, the true meaning of this day. So he read about the local tea party going on in a local park, even though it was hotter than Satan's taint outside. After asking if any of the other carnivores wanted to go with him, alone he headed out.
In the park, there were about a hundred or so people gathered in the three strips of shade provided by the trees. The Rude Pundit walked through, looking at signs that proclaimed the people present disapproved of socialism, liberalism, and Barack Obama.
This gentleman's sign expressed his desire to not be anally raped, although he seems a bit ambitious in how low he could bend.
In case you can't tell, it's an image from the end of the film Planet of the Apes, with Charlton Heston on his knees before a ruined Statue of Liberty. That's President Obama's face as an ape. The Rude Pundit asked the man who was carrying it if he had gotten it off the internet. "No," the man said, "I made it myself."
Actual conversation (in play form):
RP: Did you make that yourself?
Man in Colonial Drag: No, Betsy Ross made it.
RP: (pause) So...um...General Washington?
Man: No, but I'm proud to be one of his aides.
RP: (thinking about an AIDS joke, but wanting to survive the day) Well, Ms. Ross did a fine job. Can I take your picture?
The man would later lead the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance, in front of a band's drum kit that had a confederate flag dangling from it. A woman in costume would sing the National Anthem. Another man would read from the bible. It was really a catch-all kind of event.
Inside the air-conditioned rec center gym, another 200 people or so gathered to watch a John Birch Society video about how communists take over the country. Not pictured are the people in the bleachers. Some long-haired dude in what looked like a buccaneer's coat told us at the end that the event was not sponsored by the John Birch Society, but that he just thought the video was informative.
There were tables with all kinds of information about health care, abortion, taxes. The Rude Pundit heard one table attendant hold forth on how fascism was more widespread than communism, but that we need to be cautious about both. It didn't make sense then. It doesn't make sense now. But the people he spoke to were nodding.
Much like that sign there, which says, "46 million without health insurance...who are they kidding? 9.7 million are not even Americans." How do you argue with someone who can't even admit that the stat is over 46 million Americans? You don't.
No, instead you sigh, thinking that it's too hot a day. You debate in your mind whether or not this is a real movement or just a bunch of people who too readily believe all the goddamn lies they're fed. You get a free sno-cone (sour apple flavor). You listen to the costumed kids sing, "God Bless America." You leave when the band starts to cover Lee Greenwood's fucking song. You go to see fireworks downtown after the local symphony plays. You hear that people around here don't put pro-choice or pro-Obama stickers on their cars because they'll get keyed. You know this is America, too, yes, and, unlike the tea partygoers, you recognize it because, even as they celebrate a so-called "revolution" and hope for another, some things never change.
On with Stephanie Miller This Morning:
The Rude Pundit is on The Stephanie Miller Show at 9:30 a.m Eastern, 6:30 Pacific. It oughta be big fun in the morning, like rolling over to your lover at dawn for one more...okay, maybe not that good, but still, damn fun.
You can listen online.
The Rude Pundit is on The Stephanie Miller Show at 9:30 a.m Eastern, 6:30 Pacific. It oughta be big fun in the morning, like rolling over to your lover at dawn for one more...okay, maybe not that good, but still, damn fun.
You can listen online.
7/04/2009
Because It Has to Be Said (Sarah Palin Resignation Edition):
In the 21st century, only complete fucking morons actually write multiple exclamation points into their political speeches. Jesus Christ, it's like a letter from a high school freshman girl about that cute senior.
(An earlier posted version apparently contained numerous words in all caps. One looks forward to the release of the shaky crayon draft.)
In the 21st century, only complete fucking morons actually write multiple exclamation points into their political speeches. Jesus Christ, it's like a letter from a high school freshman girl about that cute senior.
(An earlier posted version apparently contained numerous words in all caps. One looks forward to the release of the shaky crayon draft.)
7/03/2009
George Washington Would Kick Teabaggers' Asses:
The Rude Pundit is down in dwindling Red State America for the Fourth o' July this year. For shits and giggles, he'll be heading to a local Tea Party tomorrow, where people who honestly have no fucking idea about the history of the nation will gather and sacrifice goats to Fox "news," hoping that the blood will please the gods and their extraordinarily low taxes will be even lower.
Since those like the aforementioned mad Glenn Beck and his fellow nutzoids pick and choose what the nation's founders actually said and believed, with Beck's repeated reamings of Thomas Paine falling on the "what the fuck?" side of things, here's something from George Washington himself that'll fuck up a teabagger's day. It's from an April 5, 1783 letter Washington wrote to the Marquis de Lafayette - you know, that French bastard without whom the American Revolution would have probably failed:
"We now stand an Independent People, and have yet to learn political Tactics. We are placed among the Nations of the Earth, and have a character to establish; but how we shall acquit ourselves time must discover; the probability, at least I fear it is, that local, or state Politics will interfere too much with that more liberal and extensive plan of government which wisdom and foresight, freed from the mist of prejudice, would dictate; and that we shall be guilty of many blunders in treading this boundless theatre before we shall have arrived at any perfection in this Art."
You got that? Washington feared that the states would fuck up the unity of the nation, that a nation fails if people are allowed to have each of its local bullshit take precedence.
"In a word that the experience which is purchased at the price of difficulties and distress, will alone convince us that the honor, power, and true Interest of this Country must be measured by a Continental scale; and that every departure therefrom weakens the Union, and may ultimately break the band, which holds us together. To avert these evils, to form a Constitution that will give consistency, stability and dignity to the Union; and sufficient powers to the great Council of the Nation for general purposes is a duty which is incumbent upon every Man who wishes well to his Country, and will meet with my aid as far as it can be rendered in the private walks of life; for hence forward my Mind shall be unbent; and I will endeavor to glide down the stream of life ‘till I come to that abyss, from whence no traveller is permitted to return."
Tell that to your favorite member of the teabag brigade: George Washington would tell them they're idiots. That's what you should do this July 4th weekend: make a conservative cry. It wouldn't be hard. They're on the edge of tears constantly these days.
Oh, by the way, the Marquis de Lafayette was also pushing for the freedom of slaves. Washington continued, "The scheme, my dear Marqs. which you propose as a precedent, to encourage the emancipation of the black people of this Country from that state of Bondage in wch. they are held, is a striking evidence of the benevolence of your Heart." But, because Washington was by no means perfect, he added, "I shall be happy to join you in so laudable a work; but will defer going into a detail of the business, ‘till I have the pleasure of seeing you."
Of course, Washington didn't get around to that business.
The Rude Pundit is down in dwindling Red State America for the Fourth o' July this year. For shits and giggles, he'll be heading to a local Tea Party tomorrow, where people who honestly have no fucking idea about the history of the nation will gather and sacrifice goats to Fox "news," hoping that the blood will please the gods and their extraordinarily low taxes will be even lower.
Since those like the aforementioned mad Glenn Beck and his fellow nutzoids pick and choose what the nation's founders actually said and believed, with Beck's repeated reamings of Thomas Paine falling on the "what the fuck?" side of things, here's something from George Washington himself that'll fuck up a teabagger's day. It's from an April 5, 1783 letter Washington wrote to the Marquis de Lafayette - you know, that French bastard without whom the American Revolution would have probably failed:
"We now stand an Independent People, and have yet to learn political Tactics. We are placed among the Nations of the Earth, and have a character to establish; but how we shall acquit ourselves time must discover; the probability, at least I fear it is, that local, or state Politics will interfere too much with that more liberal and extensive plan of government which wisdom and foresight, freed from the mist of prejudice, would dictate; and that we shall be guilty of many blunders in treading this boundless theatre before we shall have arrived at any perfection in this Art."
You got that? Washington feared that the states would fuck up the unity of the nation, that a nation fails if people are allowed to have each of its local bullshit take precedence.
"In a word that the experience which is purchased at the price of difficulties and distress, will alone convince us that the honor, power, and true Interest of this Country must be measured by a Continental scale; and that every departure therefrom weakens the Union, and may ultimately break the band, which holds us together. To avert these evils, to form a Constitution that will give consistency, stability and dignity to the Union; and sufficient powers to the great Council of the Nation for general purposes is a duty which is incumbent upon every Man who wishes well to his Country, and will meet with my aid as far as it can be rendered in the private walks of life; for hence forward my Mind shall be unbent; and I will endeavor to glide down the stream of life ‘till I come to that abyss, from whence no traveller is permitted to return."
Tell that to your favorite member of the teabag brigade: George Washington would tell them they're idiots. That's what you should do this July 4th weekend: make a conservative cry. It wouldn't be hard. They're on the edge of tears constantly these days.
Oh, by the way, the Marquis de Lafayette was also pushing for the freedom of slaves. Washington continued, "The scheme, my dear Marqs. which you propose as a precedent, to encourage the emancipation of the black people of this Country from that state of Bondage in wch. they are held, is a striking evidence of the benevolence of your Heart." But, because Washington was by no means perfect, he added, "I shall be happy to join you in so laudable a work; but will defer going into a detail of the business, ‘till I have the pleasure of seeing you."
Of course, Washington didn't get around to that business.
The Rude Pundit on the Radio and in SF:
A couple of announcements first:
The Rude Pundit will be a guest on The Stephanie Miller Show on Monday, July 6 at 9:30 a.m. Eastern, 6:30 Pacific, and other times in-between. Check your local radio stations and/or internets for listenability. If you've never heard her before, she's an ass-kicker (and you like it). Oughta be a big time.
And the Rude Pundit will be in San Francisco on Sunday, July 26 at 7:30 p.m. at the Community Music Center for an event around his book, Staged Action: Six Plays from the American Workers' Theatre. Scroll down a bit on the event link. More details soon.
A couple of announcements first:
The Rude Pundit will be a guest on The Stephanie Miller Show on Monday, July 6 at 9:30 a.m. Eastern, 6:30 Pacific, and other times in-between. Check your local radio stations and/or internets for listenability. If you've never heard her before, she's an ass-kicker (and you like it). Oughta be a big time.
And the Rude Pundit will be in San Francisco on Sunday, July 26 at 7:30 p.m. at the Community Music Center for an event around his book, Staged Action: Six Plays from the American Workers' Theatre. Scroll down a bit on the event link. More details soon.
7/02/2009
Why Glenn Beck Needs to Be Repeatedly Cock-Punched (Common Sense Edition):
No, no, not because he's the Mormon mad hatter who pollutes the cesspool known as Fox "news" even more than Steve Doocy or Bill O'Reilly or Sean Hannity, like the e coli in the turds floating in the water. And not because he let go unchallenged the assertion by Michael Scheuer, oozing in the guest chair like a hairy cyst, that al-Qaeda needs to blow the shit out of Someplace, USA in order for the nation to see that paranoia and bugfuck militarization is the only path. And not because Beck's smug, pudgy face, like Karl Rove mated with a scrub brush, seems to demand routine beatings.
No, it's because the profit-mongering prophet of American doom, who claims his new "book" (if by "book," you mean, "a large-fonted, white-space-filled stream of consciousness vomit that'd make James Joyce in his Finnegan's Wake days say, 'That makes no fucking sense'"), titled Common Sense, is based on Thomas Paine's pamphlet of the same name, just threw the badass founder under the bus.
Stirring the big pot of stupid that is his research, Beck ranted last night about some damn French book called The Coming Insurrection, which, Beck says, is "a call to arms for violent revolution, authored anonymously by a French group called the Invisible Committee who want to bring down capitalism." Now, you may say that it seems capitalists are doing a good enough job bringing down capitalism so completely that, like watching Jerry Lewis attempt to clean dishes, it's probably best to just stay out of the way, but then again, you are probably not a fucking moron. (And if you are, let the Rude Pundit say to you, "Yes, pudding is tasty.")
Before we get all high-mindedly upset that Beck would dare condemn one group for calling for violence for political change while allowing that gelatinous mold spore known as Michael Sheuer spit forth, let's put that aside and instead concentrate on this (follow the bouncing ball for a moment - it will lead you to the desire to punch a man in the taint): Beck says at one point, "This is the anti-Common Sense, where I call for peaceful protest." He's referring to his Common Sense, not Paine's.
In his Common Sense, Beck includes the entirety of Paine's because that way he doesn't have to write as much. And he frames Paine's 1776 publication in this way: "Paine asked simple questions and encouraged his fellow citizens to look at America's problems and its future with fresh eyes and a healthy dose of simple logic." Then, on page 90 of his "let's all join hands and return to a day that never existed" pile of tripe, Beck says, "This is not a call to arms or violence." He does not note that Paine's was a call to violence, if necessary. In his book, that is, where he tries desperately to claim Paine for himself. Because it suits his purpose. Because he's a manwhore.
So last night, while blubbering about this new book from France (thus automatically making it evil), Beck said, and this needs to be quoted in full not because the context makes it clearer - it makes it head-slappingly hilariouser, "This book has not even been released in this country yet. It has been passed hand to hand and via the Internet, much like the pamphleteers in pre-revolution America. Thomas Paine was one of them. He issued a call to arms. I am not doing that. You are an idiot if you start shooting people — all that does is delegitimize the cause. Be like Ghandi, like Martin Luther King."
The reason Glenn Beck ought to be cock-punched repeatedly is because you can't model your allegedly anti-violence book after someone trying to rally Americans to violence in rebellion and then, when trying to make another simple-minded point, hang that very person out to dry by comparing him to the authors of what you just called "a dangerous leftist book." In other words, you can't support Thomas Paine and support Gandhi (that's Fox's misspelling of the name above). It pretty much means you don't understand either.
But, fuck, if you're Glenn Beck, you're crazier than a shit fight at a monkeyhouse, and if it'll sell more of your shit and boost your ratings among the apes, then who the fuck cares if it makes any logical fuckin' sense.
(Oh, and even though this appears to call for violence against Glenn Beck, it is not a call for violence against Glenn Beck. See how that works?)
No, no, not because he's the Mormon mad hatter who pollutes the cesspool known as Fox "news" even more than Steve Doocy or Bill O'Reilly or Sean Hannity, like the e coli in the turds floating in the water. And not because he let go unchallenged the assertion by Michael Scheuer, oozing in the guest chair like a hairy cyst, that al-Qaeda needs to blow the shit out of Someplace, USA in order for the nation to see that paranoia and bugfuck militarization is the only path. And not because Beck's smug, pudgy face, like Karl Rove mated with a scrub brush, seems to demand routine beatings.
No, it's because the profit-mongering prophet of American doom, who claims his new "book" (if by "book," you mean, "a large-fonted, white-space-filled stream of consciousness vomit that'd make James Joyce in his Finnegan's Wake days say, 'That makes no fucking sense'"), titled Common Sense, is based on Thomas Paine's pamphlet of the same name, just threw the badass founder under the bus.
Stirring the big pot of stupid that is his research, Beck ranted last night about some damn French book called The Coming Insurrection, which, Beck says, is "a call to arms for violent revolution, authored anonymously by a French group called the Invisible Committee who want to bring down capitalism." Now, you may say that it seems capitalists are doing a good enough job bringing down capitalism so completely that, like watching Jerry Lewis attempt to clean dishes, it's probably best to just stay out of the way, but then again, you are probably not a fucking moron. (And if you are, let the Rude Pundit say to you, "Yes, pudding is tasty.")
Before we get all high-mindedly upset that Beck would dare condemn one group for calling for violence for political change while allowing that gelatinous mold spore known as Michael Sheuer spit forth, let's put that aside and instead concentrate on this (follow the bouncing ball for a moment - it will lead you to the desire to punch a man in the taint): Beck says at one point, "This is the anti-Common Sense, where I call for peaceful protest." He's referring to his Common Sense, not Paine's.
In his Common Sense, Beck includes the entirety of Paine's because that way he doesn't have to write as much. And he frames Paine's 1776 publication in this way: "Paine asked simple questions and encouraged his fellow citizens to look at America's problems and its future with fresh eyes and a healthy dose of simple logic." Then, on page 90 of his "let's all join hands and return to a day that never existed" pile of tripe, Beck says, "This is not a call to arms or violence." He does not note that Paine's was a call to violence, if necessary. In his book, that is, where he tries desperately to claim Paine for himself. Because it suits his purpose. Because he's a manwhore.
So last night, while blubbering about this new book from France (thus automatically making it evil), Beck said, and this needs to be quoted in full not because the context makes it clearer - it makes it head-slappingly hilariouser, "This book has not even been released in this country yet. It has been passed hand to hand and via the Internet, much like the pamphleteers in pre-revolution America. Thomas Paine was one of them. He issued a call to arms. I am not doing that. You are an idiot if you start shooting people — all that does is delegitimize the cause. Be like Ghandi, like Martin Luther King."
The reason Glenn Beck ought to be cock-punched repeatedly is because you can't model your allegedly anti-violence book after someone trying to rally Americans to violence in rebellion and then, when trying to make another simple-minded point, hang that very person out to dry by comparing him to the authors of what you just called "a dangerous leftist book." In other words, you can't support Thomas Paine and support Gandhi (that's Fox's misspelling of the name above). It pretty much means you don't understand either.
But, fuck, if you're Glenn Beck, you're crazier than a shit fight at a monkeyhouse, and if it'll sell more of your shit and boost your ratings among the apes, then who the fuck cares if it makes any logical fuckin' sense.
(Oh, and even though this appears to call for violence against Glenn Beck, it is not a call for violence against Glenn Beck. See how that works?)
