Torture Apologist Marc Thiessen: Bush Was "Right" About Something He Was Totally Wrong About

No, no, no, no, no, and fuck no, Marc Thiessen, torture advocate and Washington Post columnist. You don't get to fucking write something fucking titled, "George W. Bush was right about Iraq pullout." You don't get to fucking say that fucking George fucking Bush can say, "I told you so" about anything having to do with Iraq. Just because every night you sit with a cocked pistol in your mouth, trying to think of reasons not to pull the trigger, it does not give you the fucking right to fucking rewrite history, you simpering, shit-sucking, soulless son of a bitch, and by "bitch," the Rude Pundit means your fucking mother.

Thiessen smugly thinks that Bush gets to be smug because in a July 12, 2007 news conference, Bush warned about all kinds of terrible shit that would happen if the United States withdrew troops from Iraq. "It would mean surrendering the future of Iraq to al-Qaeda. It would mean that we’d be risking mass killings on a horrific scale. It would mean we’d allow the terrorists to establish a safe haven in Iraq to replace the one they lost in Afghanistan," Bush said. So Thiessen then gleefully lists the ways that Iraq has turned into a hellhole compared to the paradise of figs and pussy it would have been had the United States not withdrawn.

If Bush had quit right then and there, if he had finished that press conference and said, "Fuck ya'll, I'm done," well, motherfuck, Thiessen might have a point.

But our national anal rape by George W. Bush still had another year-and-a-half to go, and, goddamn, if things didn't change in late 2008. That was when, in November, Iraq's parliament passed a Status of Forces Agreement that said that American troops had to get the fuck out by the end of 2011. But don't take the Rude Pundit's word for it. Here's what the actual agreement said: "All the United States Forces shall withdraw from all Iraqi territory no later than December 31, 2011." Oh, and "The United States recognizes the sovereign right of the Government of Iraq to request the departure of the United States Forces from Iraq at any time."

You know who praised the vote? George motherfuckin' Bush, who said, "Today’s vote affirms the growth of Iraq’s democracy and increasing ability to secure itself. Two years ago this day seemed unlikely — but the success of the surge and the courage of the Iraqi people set the conditions for these two agreements to be negotiated and approved by the Iraqi Parliament."

You know who signed the agreement? George motherfuckin' Bush. In a joint appearance in Baghdad with then-President Nouri al-Maliki in December 2008, Bush said, "We're also signing a Security Agreement, sometimes called a Status of Forces Agreement. The agreement provides American troops and Defense Department officials with authorizations and protections to continue supporting Iraq's democracy once the U.N. mandate expires at the end of this year. This agreement respects the sovereignty and the authority of Iraq's democracy. The agreement lays out a framework for the withdrawal of American forces in Iraq -- a withdrawal that is possible because of the success of the surge."

Yeah, Bush was acting like this was the last great thing he would do before leaving for his painting career, like a Hitler in reverse. He continued, "With these agreements, Mr. Prime Minister, we're honoring the sacrifices that I just described in the best possible way -- by building a freer, safer, and more hopeful world. By signing these agreements we're showing the people of Iraq the United States of America keeps its word. And we are showing the people of the Middle East that America stands firmly for liberty and justice and peace."

Finally, yes, oh, goddamn, Bush said something that was completely and utterly the opposite of that 2007 quote that Thiessen parades around with like a toddler boy with hard-on: "And we are leaving the next President with a stable foundation for the future, and an approach that can enjoy broad bipartisan support at home." You got that? No horror, no terrorist safe havens. Stability. Bush signed the agreement that withdrew the troops, and he said everything was on the road to cool now.

It doesn't get any fucking clearer than that. The troops came home because Bush signed off on it. President Obama would have violated a signed agreement and the word of the United States if he hadn't withdrawn all troops (even if he tried to negotiate a force to remain behind). If there is chaos in Iraq now, it's because of Bush.

By the way, the point of this is not that the troops should have stayed in Iraq. The point is that we shouldn't have been there in the first place. That's what Bush and Thiessen are totally, utterly, unforgivably wrong about.