Family Research Council: Isn't Uganda Awesome?:
Sweet merciful Jesus dildo (no, really, that's a picture of a Jesus dildo, so, like, don't click on it at work, unless you work in a place that doesn't mind Jesus on a dildo or at a place that makes Jesus dildos, in which case, can the Rude Pundit get a discount?), the ultra-conservative, evangelical Family Research Council (motto: "We don't need a Jesus dildo 'cause his grace is up our asses already") has issued a new list o' targets for we members of the Super-Duper Prayer Team. Time to put on the knee pads and get ready to eat of his flesh. The Rude Pundit joined the Super-Duper Prayer Team some years ago under a nom de rude, and he receives his prayitus orders once a week through the magic of electronical mailings and intertubes.
And, oh, look, here's a generic prayer for more nutzoid Christianity in government: "Thank God for leaders who stand boldly for Jesus, understand the curse of sin, and know God and His blessing are a nation's greatest possession. May God raise up such leaders in America and every nation!" Who is this bold leader who boldly stand for bold Jesus? Would it be Barack Obama, who has talked about his Christianity and Christ's lessons for the nation? No, but you've got the skin color right.
The shining example of Christian blessingdom is the president of Uganda, motherfuckers. As the FRC's letter to the SDPT says, "Longtime President Yoweri Museveni observed Uganda's 50th anniversary of independence by publicly repenting of personal and national sin. 'I stand here on my own behalf and on behalf of my predecessors to repent...We ask for your forgiveness... We confess these sins, which have greatly hampered our national cohesion and delayed our political, social and economic transformation. We confess sins of idolatry and witchcraft...shedding innocent blood, sins of political hypocrisy, dishonesty, intrigue and betrayal...' After confessing many more sins, Museveni dedicated Uganda to the Lord." Yeah, suck on that, pussy liberals who think that Jesus is all about helping the poor and comforting the sick. In fact, suck on FRC President Tony Perkins' tweet about it. By the way, Museveni also said asked for forgiveness for "sins of sexual immorality, drunkenness and debauchery." One may wonder: what the fuck are you going to do in Uganda otherwise? Hunt for Joseph Kony?
Let us put aside for just one moment the bill that was introduced in the Ugandan parliament that would allow for gays and lesbians to be put to death. Museveni has said he doesn't support it. And the FRC has also stated that it is against it. Let us not forget, though, that the bill still exists and is going to be debated and voted on.
Instead, let's merely find it curious that we are supposed to pray for and admire a man who is a war criminal implicated in human trafficking, rules as a dictator (since 1986), is responsible for massacres in the Congo, created concentration camps for people in Northern Uganda who engaged in rebellion, and has anti-government protesters and his political opponents imprisoned and tortured. All of that is forgotten now because he gave a pretty speech?
The FRC says, "Bloodshed, violence and political unrest persisted for years after Idi Amin's demise. But Uganda began to recover after pastors began to unite in desperate prayer for their nation...Believers across Africa are praying for America, that God will send revival and awakening, our nation's only real hope."
You got that, right? America should be like Uganda, which is on its way to become paradise on earth thanks to prayer, not a bloodshed-ridden hellhole where you can be shot in the streets by government for the fuck of it. You may as well just get reamed by the Jesus dildo.
(Note: The Rude Pundit can't help but think about the musical The Book of Mormon when he hears about Uganda. We all need magic fuck frogs.)