What Obama Should Say 2012, Part 2 (Rude Version):
If at tonight's town hall presidential debate on CNN, some undecided voter in the audience asks Barack Obama to explain why the economy hasn't improved quickly and he doesn't say, "Well, that's because you and many of your fellow voters were such pathetic pussies back in 2010. Let me explain this to you in simple terms since you are obviously brain-damaged or just plain dumb, or you just don't give flying fuck about things like recent history or how the government actually works.
"See, in 2010, you voters decided that you were a bunch of cowards and you either stayed home or actually helped put Republicans into the majority in the House. This was on top of the motherfuckers in the Senate GOP who decided once Scott Brown was elected in January 2010 to filibuster pretty much everything that would actually help the economy. You did that, America. You decided that you were scared of the things I had campaigned on just back in 2008. the very things you voted me in to do. You believed the convenient lies of the Republicans, of the Tea Party, of Fox 'news.' Own that shit. Own your mistakes.
"So you're gonna blame me now because I did everything I could short of offering free blow jobs to Republicans to get them to vote for things they once supported? To get them to vote for compromises they fucking negotiated? You're gonna blame me because the Senate Republicans blocked over 400 bills voted out of the House? You're gonna blame me because I won't just roll over and let the Republicans have Paul Ryan's motherfucking budget? You're gonna ask me what my jobs plan is when I sent a goddamn jobs plan to the Congress who told me to shove it up my ass? Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you?
"Now you're actually considering voting for that pampered cunt over there who wants to cut taxes even more for the rich, cut Medicare, and gut programs for the poor? A liar and con artist who would have sold GM to China if it would have made Bain investors a couple of more billion dollars, fuck the workers. Someone who would look you in the eye and tell you that, sure, his idea for closing loopholes and shitcanning deductions will take care of all the tax cuts, but he can't tell you which loopholes or deductions, but they might be capped at 17, 20, or 25 thousand bucks. What the hell is that? Huh? That's not an economic plan. It's not even a good lie. It's the fuck fantasy of people who dream of pissing on the poor and calling it a shower of gold and not a golden shower.
"And that's not even getting into every lie that my opponent has told about me and my administration. Lower taxes, lower spending on government, lower number of federal employees. That's what I did. And yet that shellac-haired cocksucker dares to say government has exploded in size under me. His rich friends got government bailouts and gave themselves bonuses with it, and yet I'm the socialist because I think people should buy health insurance? Fuck, how many lies can you take?
"Yeah, now you're thinking about voting for him because he lied with authority at the last debate while I told the truth too calmly? Go fuck yourself, you simpletons.
"You wanna know why the economy is recovering as slowly as the ripped asshole of an overly enthusiastic just-out old man after an orgy? Then look in the fucking mirror, you selfish bitches. Ask yourself why you did it. Ask yourself why you are so frightened. Ask yourself what Republicans have ever done for you.
"And when you're in the voting booth, ask yourself one other question: Do you really want to vote for the guy whose company made money by doing the things that helped tank the economy? If you do, then fuck you, America. You get what you deserve" then the debate will be useless.