Allow me to introduce myself…

My name is AngryBlackBitch and my ass is guest posting for a certain Rude One this morning.

Shall we proceed?

Yes indeed!

Maybe it’s the heat…or maybe a bitch has watched one episode too many of the Dog Whisperer…but this bitch is beginning to think that motherfucker could end the current crisis in the Middle East.

Okay, maybe not end it…but some Cesar Millan-esque conflict resolving diplomacy couldn’t hurt!

If you don’t watch the Dog Whisperer this may not make sense. Cesar Millan is a dog shrink who works with people to help them establish positive dog relationships.

Anyhoo, each episode of the Dog Whisperer follows the same formula. They profile a conflict, introduce the players (dog and human) and explain each side of the drama. Cesar arrives and consults with dog and human…diagnoses the issue and helps them adjust in such a way as to establish a…well, a lasting settlement (wink) without any blood being shed.

The fascinating thing is that most dog aggression can be linked to a fucked up human in the mix. Mmmhmmm, some human guardian who has been enabling all manner of bad assed dog behavior gets tired of the mess they created and calls up Cesar, blames the dog for it all and then has the audacity to look shocked when Cesar turns to them and tells them they fucked that shit up...big time.

Cesar is quick to call bullshit…and he is also quick to establish a cease fire so that the underlying issues can be addressed. It seems that one can not address fear based aggression while the dog in question is aggressing. Calm the fearfully aggressive dog…introduce the warring parties and get down to the bitness of establishing a relationship and a dialogue (okay, not a dialogue but a series of butt sniffs and tail wags…shit, that’s how dogs communicate) then move towards building trust.

Mayhap we should give the Dog Whisperer a shot at it!

Fuck it all, at least he’s got a resume with some resolved conflicts on it.

And catch that knee before it jerks. No, a bitch is not so naive as to believe that peace in the Middle East can be achieved in one 30 minute episode of the Dog Whisperer…including several commercial breaks...and a promotion for some dog show that a bitch forgot to TiVo.

But this bitch is wise enough to know that dialogue doesn’t happen when two parties in conflict are actively at each others throats. Every bite…every painful wound results in lasting scars and makes the road between conflict and peace more difficult to navigate.