And it's filled with an array of bizarre statements, blatant lies, and babbling nonsense. In other words, Trump distilled to his purest form. Just a sampling:
1. Any attempt to parse this sentence is doomed to failure: "You have cheapened the importance of the very ugly word, impeachment!" I mean, putting aside the punctuation issues, what the fucking fuck does that even mean? So a very ugly word can be important? And what makes "impeachment" ugly? In fact, what cheapens the word "impeachment" is calling it "very ugly," like a sad little insult can take away the very serious implications of it.
2. Trump says, "By proceeding with your invalid impeachment, you are violating your oaths of office, you are breaking your allegiance to the Constitution, and you are declaring open war on American Democracy." Except here's the deal: The Constitution doesn't give a fuck about the circumstances of an impeachment. Everything is up to the House of Representatives. Period. In fact, the only way an impeachment could be "invalid" is if someone other than the House impeaches. Otherwise? The Constitution is impressively vague about everything else in the impeachment process. In fact, by having an impeachment hearing and vote, the House is doing everything by the Constitution, and the only ones declaring war are those who think it's unconstitutional.
3. I mean, c'mon: "[Y]ou are offending Americans of faith by continually saying 'I pray for the President,' when you know this statement is not true, unless it is meant in a negative sense. It is a terrible thing you are doing, but you will have to live with it, not I!" Trump being insulted by Nancy Pelosi saying she prays for him is just...(chef's kiss)...beautiful. And all his nutzoid fundamentalist worshippers will agree with him that Pelosi's prayers are mean.
4. Trump so outright lies about Joe Biden and the firing of Ukrainian prosecutor Viktor Shokin that Biden ought to sue the fuck out of Trump for slander. The intentional malice is dripping off the assertions that Biden was trying to stop an investigation of his son, something that is objectively false. Sue his ass.
5. Trump declares his victory in 2016 "an Electoral College landslide." If that's true (and it's not), then what were Obama's victories in 2008 and 2012, which were by bigger Electoral College margins, along with over 50% of the popular vote each time? Somehow, that didn't stop Republicans from being abject dickholes to Obama. Also, fun fact, Richard Nixon was reelected in a legit landslide: he won 49 states and over 60% of the popular vote. Yet I seem to remember that didn't stop Congress from moving to impeach him.
6. Oh, I know what you're wondering. Did Trump bring up Rep. Adam Schiff parodying his phone call with Ukraine's president? After all, he has been obsessed with that September 26 opening statement by Schiff for months now. Well, shit, of course he did: "Congressman Adam Schiff cheated and lied all the way up to the present day, even going so far as to fraudulently make up, out of thin air, my conversation with President Zelensky of Ukraine and read this fantasy language to Congress as though it were said by me." He will not let that mocking go. And Trump's started to lie about the timeline, saying that the "transcript" of the July 25 call was released after Schiff's statement. That's absolutely untrue. Schiff was making fun of the "transcript" (which isn't a transcript - it's a memo of the call).
7. After a yadda-yadda-yadda list of shit he claims as accomplishments (and just about anything to do with the economy still has more to do with him not fucking up Obama's economy), Trump uses the old "rubber-glue" gambit: "You are the ones interfering in America’s elections. You are the ones subverting America’s Democracy. You are the ones Obstructing Justice." By the way, they're "Obstructing Justice" because, Trump says, "I have been denied the most fundamental rights afforded by the Constitution." Except, well, see point 2 above. The Constitution gives the president zero rights when it comes to impeachment. He gets his rights at the trial in the Senate, but the Founders didn't want a president to be able to do jackshit about impeachment.
8. He writes, "More due process was afforded to those accused in the Salem Witch Trials," which might be sexist, ahistorical, and laughable. But, hey, let's fuckin' dunk Trump and see if he floats.
9. You fuckin' well know that Hillary Clinton makes an appearance: "You forced our Nation through turmoil and torment over a wholly fabricated story, illegally purchased from a foreign spy by Hillary Clinton and the DNC in order to assault our democracy." This is about the Steele dossier, which, for the millionth motherfuckin' time, was commissioned by Republicans against Trump. It was half completed before Trump won the nomination.
10. Towards the end, he says, "You are not just after me, as President, you are after the entire Republican Party." Goddamn, I hope that's right.
Tonight, the streets of America were filled with thousands of people fed up with this unending bullshit tossing game. It's time to put an end to this. Or, if not, to state loudly and clearly that a whole fuck-ton of us thought this was just wrong. At least history will record some of us gave a damn.
