Let's get this straight: we're supposed to take seriously a Quinnipiac University poll that says that 33% of voters believe Barack Obama is now the worst president since the Second World War, more than Bush II, more than Nixon. That's what we're supposed to do, right? Act like this is a real thing? That it wasn't just a bunch of fucknuts, shut-ins, assholes, mouth-breathers, and Fox "news" viewers who still have home phones? That if you look at the numbers, it's mainly skewed by people over 50, who might have a tendency to be a smidge racist, a tincture conservative, and a pinch cranky?
But, hey, why the hell not, let's just say for a second that it's true, that the poll is really reading the zeitgeist, that, despite inheriting two worthless wars, an economy in the shitter, and an opposing party that decided, "Fuck this coon," despite ending one of the wars and kind of on the way to ending the other, keeping us out of a bunch of conflicts, getting the economy at least out of the shitter (and making rich people even richer so that they're like hogs in a pool of filth made out of gold bricks), getting health insurance to an additional 10 million people and counting, expanding rights for gays and lesbians, all while being confronted by an opposing party that decided, "Fuck this coon," yeah, sure, people believe that Barack Obama is the worst president since 1945, the firefighter worse than the arsonist.
Well, the only rational conclusion, in that scenario, is that Americans are a bunch of fucking idiots who have the attention span of a brain-damaged beagle who wonders every day why a new nice lady feeds him.
Which leads us to the conservatives on the Washington Post's opinion page, two of whom, Marc Thiessen and Michael Gerson, use the poll as the basis of their "columns" this week (if by "columns," you mean, "various shades of vomit that come from different mouths but all from the same digestive tract").
Ever the rational rightie, Gerson is more realistic about the poll's overall evaluation of Obama, but he finds other polls just as damning of the president. "We already know that Obama is a highly polarizing figure," Gerson offers. And "Obama is solidifying a perception that he is out of his depth. Once made, such an impression is difficult to unmake." This is not to mention that "Public impressions of the economy seem set. Obamacare is enduringly controversial." Hmm. Wonder where such impressions come from?
Torture supporter Thiessen laps up the Quinnipiac results like he's the happiest cum whore in stocks at the leather convention. "Obama has presided over a recent string of disasters that make even Carter look competent," scrawls Thiessen one-handedly, the other jacking it hard to an old Billy Beer ad. Everything is a fucking nightmare now: "From his failure to enforce his own red line in Syria to the release of five senior Taliban leaders from Guantanamo Bay to the Russian invasion and annexation of Crimea to the implosion of Iraq, the world is on fire." Here at home, everything is in tatters, motherfuckers, tatters: "We’ve had the Department of Veterans Affairs scandal . . . the flood of tens of thousands of unaccompanied children across the border . . . the epidemic of hard-drive crashes at the Internal Revenue Service after Congress began investigating the targeting of the president’s political opponents."
You could argue each of these. You could point out how he ended the Russia/Ukraine crisis without the whole thing becoming a regional war. You would say that it would have been useless to the point of masochism to intervene in Syria. You could say that Obama has deported...that the hard drives aren't...fuck it. Instead, it's just easier to stare with awe, wondering about Thiessen, "Goddamn, how can he gobble so much spooge? Doesn't he ever get full?"
The answer, of course, is "Are you kidding? He loves the jizz juice." So Thiessen gets into the horrors of Obamacare: "Obamacare remains deeply unpopular. In May, the law registered 55 percent opposition. Obama hopes that the law will be such a success that Americans will one day look back and decide that they were wrong about it after all. The more likely scenario is that Obamacare will go down in history not as the project that salvaged Obama’s legacy but the one that discredited big-government liberalism for a generation." We really do live in different dimensions in a standing multiverse, don't we?
Not once, not a single godforsaken time in their querulous scribbles do either Gerson or Thiessen mention the "Fuck that coon" Republicans as having any role in any of this. Not once do they say that Obama offered, again and again, to work across the aisle. Not once do they say that Obamacare was a Republican idea they once loved. The Republicans are blameless because that would fuck up the narrative, man. That would totally fuck up the "perception" that has been "solidifying" thanks to a media that would rather flog the illusion of balance than report reality. That would fuck with the absolute devotion of the right to declaring Obama better do things their fuckin' way or he is fucked in the ass without lube. And when Obama slaps the dildo away to try to do something, that's overreach, that's dictatorship. Refusing to compromise or bargain? That's standing on principle. The public believes that shit because it's easier to hate the president than to try to work to change things to support the guy you voted for twice.
In the Quinnipiac poll, 45% think that a President Mitt Romney would be doing a better job than Barack Obama. That's compared to 38% who said Romney'd do a worse job.
It's either all fiction or we have gone truly mad.
