George Galloway's Bitch Slap:
A really good bitch slapping is a balletic work of art and motion. It's a series of gestures, postures, and movements. You see, an angry pimp grabs the bitch by the neck slams the bitch up against a wall, and slaps the bitch backhand, forehand, and backhand again. It's what makes a bitch slapping special. See, when a bitch fucks up - say, shorts you on a couple of johns or steals some extra crack from your stash - sure, sure, a simple smack would do. But if you're a business-minded pimp, you wanna make sure that not only that bitch knows he/she's been slapped, but that all the other bitches know it, too. And watching Norm Coleman slammed up against the wall of his Senate subcommittee's hearing room while British MP George Galloway bitch slapped him so hard that Coleman's perfectly coifed hair actually jiggled, well, that was a sight to behold.

Sure, sure, sure, it was grandstanding, it was showboating, it was everything that Galloway is known for in the U.K. (and beloved for in his district). But, really, and, c'mon, just because everyone stays all mellow and shit in the hearing rooms doesn't mean that grandstanding isn't the modus operandi of the Bush adminstration. Take the obvious: Bush's speech on the Lincoln or the bullshit "we-love-Tom-Delay" fest last week. So you know what? Give the Rude Pundit a few minutes of a socialist Scot berating the Senate since he's tolerated fuck-all in the showboating department from the right.

You can read Galloway's orgasm-inspiring opening statement. Less publicized has been Galloway's answers to Coleman's sad line of questioning. See, despite the protestations of Coleman and Carl Levin that Galloway was not a "credible witness," the Scot's walked this walk and come out on top. Motherfucker has been defending the Iraqi people from sanctions and Saddam for a long time now (as borne out by news reports, not just Galloway's words). He was viciously opposed to John Major's support of Bush I's Persian Gulf War and Tony Blair's enabling of Clinton's Baghdad bombing. And Galloway has been the victim of forged documents meant to discredit him before, winning damages and apologies from the media.

So perhaps he has some credibility when he doubts the authenticity of documents being used against him: "I had gotten used to the allegation that I was taking money from Saddam Hussein. It's actually surreal to hear in this room this morning that I'm being accused of giving money to Saddam Hussein. This is utterly preposterous, utterly preposterous, that I gave $300,000 to Saddam Hussein. This is beyond the realms of the ridiculous. No. The Miriam Appeals [Galloway's charity named after a young Iraqi girl who died of leukemia] finances have been investigated by the charity commission on the order of Lord Goldsmith. You'll recall him, Senator. He's the attorney general, probably the only lawman in the world, that thought your war with Iraq was legal, thought Britain joining your war with Iraq was legal."

For one brief moment, the mainstream media allowed an opposing voice to actually be heard on a widespread basis. When Wolf "The Glow of My Stubbly White Beard Will Hypnotize You Into Forgetting What a Hack I Am" Blitzer questioned Galloway later in the day, asking the MP if he "ever took money from the regime of Saddam Hussein," Galloway slammed Blitzer against the wall to begin the bitch slappin': "Well, I've just said on oath in front of the United States Senate that I have not. And I was never offered any money. I never asked for any money. I never took any money. I've never bought or sold a barrel of oil or anything from Iraq . . . the credibility of those throwing out the smear is pretty close to zero outside of the neocon bubble here in Washington. Nobody believes much that the British and American governments say about Iraq anymore because of all the lies that have already been unmasked."

Oh, sure, the right has been jostled into taking out its giant crayons to paint the picture of a madman in front of the decent Senators who are, for love of God and Bush, trying to eke out the truth. On Fox and Friends this morning, Steve "No, Really, I'm Straight" Doocy called Galloway a "bad Sean Connery imitator" (or words to that effect), thus mocking Galloway's not-really-Welsh-but-actually-Scottish accent. Meanwhile, Brian "No, Really, I'm Straight, Too" Kilmeade and E.D. "Behold My Glorious DSLs" Hill scoffed at the arrogance of Galloway, coming to "our country" to smack the U.S.A. down. Meanwhile, Norm Coleman appeared on the show to sigh and dismiss Galloway.

Meanwhile, let's all just bow our heads and say, "Please don't let them find a photo of Galloway handjobbing Saddam Hussein using fingers greased with Iraqi crude. Let us enjoy this one little bit of sunshine, please."

Galloway's testimony was like gettin' a pity blow job from your hot neighbor on a day when your dog died, your rent check bounced, and your car exploded. Sure, sure, there's tons of shit hanging over you, but, goddamn, it's always nice to get blown.