John Bolton, Another Motherfucker for America:
The Bush administration loves motherfuckers. Man, the President and his shit-stained minions can't get enough of motherfuckers. If there is a place for a motherfucker in the administration, Bush or another cabinet member will be out there makin' announcements about which motherfucker they're gonna appoint. Alberto Gonzales? Motherfucker. Michael Chertoff? Motherfucker. John "Motherfucker" Negroponte? As Tony Soprano might mutter, a mother-motherfucker. One might think that the job of a motherfucker would be to fuck one's own or another's mother; however, like "asshole" doesn't just mean a place of tight, ecstatic access for Jeff Gannon, a "motherfucker" is someone who is such an asshole that he/she would fuck your mother if it meant more power, glory, money, whatever.

And in John R. Bolton, we have one more motherfucker running some aspect of America that actually, really touches all of our lives. And the lives of our mothers. When Condi Rice, no stranger to the fucking of mothers herself, announced Bolton's nomination to be the U.S. Ambassador to the U.N., she praised Bolton's ability to drop his pants and take a giant shit in front of the General Assembly. She spun his statements like, "If the U.N. secretary building in New York lost ten stories, it wouldn't make a bit of difference" into a kind of tough love for saving the U.N. from all other nations but the United States and Israel. Spaketh Condi, "John Bolton is personally committed to the future success of the United Nations and he will be a strong voice for reform at a time when the United Nations has begun to reform itself to help meet the challenging agenda before the international community."

You can read elsewhere about Bolton's recent time bashing the U.N., Europe, and world leaders. But let us go further back, to the blossoming of the motherfucker during the Reagan/Bush years.

Bolton was an assistant Attorney General under Edwin Meese and Richard Thornburgh back in the Reagan era. In that role, among other accomplishments in motherfuckery, Bolton attempted to fire Joan Bernott, a female attorney at the Justice Department, in 1988 because she listened to her doctor and stayed home after the birth of her child in January of that year. We can thank Bolton's brazen cruelty because it spurred parental leave legislation further into the public consciousness.

And because, like rutting spiders, vicious public "servants" are attracted to each other, Bolton was a major supporter of Robert Bork for a Supreme Court appointment. Indeed, after insisting that Bork was given no "litmus test" for the position, Bolton later explained about Bork, "If he wouldn't change the court, why the hell are we nominating him?"

Best of all was Bolton's attempts to run interference for the Reagan/Bush administration during the Iran-Contra hearings. He attacked the very idea of the special prosecutor, and under his guidance, Justice put out an opinion that Reagan could fire the special prosecutor if he wanted to. Indeed, Bolton went to bat for his boss, Ed Meese: according to the December 24, 1986 Washington Post, Bolton refused to cooperate with the House Judiciary Committee and turn over documents related to Meese's role in Iran-Contra. Bolton called the documents "highly classified" and said that no member of the committee had clearance to see them.

More interestingly, Bolton defended Reagan and Bush I from subpoenas on Iran-Contra. From the January 14, 1989 Washington Post: "Acting in coordination with the White House, Assistant Attorney General John R. Bolton said the subpoenas were historically unprecedented and should be quashed, at least until [Oliver 'Motherfucker'] North makes a showing of his need for the Reagan and Bush testimony, the subjects he wants to ask them about, the evidence he expects to uncover and why he cannot obtain that evidence elsewhere.

"'[P]rotections against needless appearances are powerfully justified both by the place of the presidency in our government and by intensely practical considerations,' Bolton said. He said oral testimony was particularly rife with hazards and could make it impossible for either a former or sitting president to make responsible decisions about when to assert the privileges protecting state secrets and presidential communications . . .

"'To our knowledge, there is no historical precedent for an appearance in court of a sitting or former president to testify, under compulsion, about the manner in which he conducted his office,' Bolton said. He said President Thomas Jefferson was subpoenaed to produce documents in a case involving Aaron Burr, but that Jefferson insisted he was supplying them voluntarily and censored portions of one document. President James Monroe was subpoenaed to testify at a criminal trial, but declined to appear and wound up answering written interrogatories submitted by the court." Would that Republicans had had the courage of their previous convictions during the Clinton years, no?

Bolton's the perfect motherfucker for this government of the motherfuckers, by the motherfuckers, and for the motherfuckers. He'll go to the ends of the earth for his masters, which is the kind of blind loyalty prized above all else in these times.

More fun with Bolton tomorrow, including which Mexican revolutionary he was once compared to.