A Murder of Bullies:
The Rude Pundit fucking hates bullies. He fondly remembers high school, when the seniors would wander around with their brand new class rings and smack freshmen on the head with open, ringed hands. The Rude Pundit grabbed the hand of the first asshole who tried to do that to him and said, "We're not playing this game." The Rude Pundit is very protective of his skull and, as he said before, he fucking hates bullies.
And let's get our definitions straight here: a bully is someone who is bigger or more powerful and picks on those weaker than him or herself. In other words, cranky puss Pete Townshend aside, Michael Moore is not a bully. Sure, he may get as obnoxious as hell, but ultimately his goal is to stand up to those with power. And when he beats up poor, hunched-over Charlton Heston in Bowling for Columbine (usually given as Moore's greatest "bullying"), well, you know, people used to have sympathy for poor, sick Nazi guards put on trial thirty, forty years after the fact. You bear the weight of your sins, motherfucker, throughout your life.
So let's talk about some real bullying here:
Speaking of Nazis, what a punk ass little bitch Arnold Schwarzenegger is. Pissed off over not being able to get his budget passed, in the way he wants it, he calls Democrats "girlie men," which is extra pathetic since the phrase actually comes from a bad Saturday Night Live sketch parodying Schwarzenegger. Here's exactly what Arnie said: "If they don't have the guts to come up here in front of you and say, 'I don't want to represent you, I want to represent those special interests, the unions, the trial lawyers, and I want them to make the millions of dollars - if they don't have the guts, I call them girlie men." So what was Herr Governor upset about? Why that the Democrats didn't want to back the bullies. They want to keep the right for employees to sue their employers for labor violations. And as for the unions being represented by "girlie men," let's get a few Teamsters to meet Arnie in his cigar tent outside the Statehouse in Sacremento and we'll see who ends up being the bitch begging for mercy.
In Las Vegas, Linda Ronstadt dedicated the song "Desperado" to Michael Moore and some of the moralistic patrons at the Aladdin, filled with free drinks and exhausted from the Bill Bennett approved slots, rioted, throwing free drinks, tearing down posters, showing that, Moore and Ronstadt be damned, they were going to support useless violence in all its forms. The enlightened people at the Aladdin, already nervous because they are the main "Arabian"-themed hotel on the strip and they can't figure out how to put on a suicide bomber show once an hour for the tourists, ejected Ronstadt, erstwhile Jerry Brown paramour and No Nukes singer, from the hotel and casino. Ronstadt's reaction has been fuckin' wonderful - essentially it's "kiss my asno." She's in semi-retirement and doesn't give a fuck: "Clear Channel can't threaten to not play my records because they are not going to play them anyway." The Aladdin officials, demonstrating how far Vegas has come since its mobster beginnings, puffed up their chests and declared how they had Ronstadt "escorted" from the building, without letting her go back to her "luxury suite." Oh, if only they could have announced that they sent Joe Pesci, desperately in need of work, to rough her up.
Bullies are everywhere, defaming Joseph Wilson, Sandy Berger, and more and more. Remember this though: one cannot bully the powerful. One can only attempt to assert oneself against the awful might of those who wish to crush them. To finish with today's California-ish theme: A surfer can ride a giant wave, man, but at some point, the surfer's gotta get out, ride it out, or wipe out. The water always wins.
